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00:00:04,517 --> 00:00:09,517
- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -
-- for www.addic7ed.com --
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Hey, check this out!
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That's... great. I think.
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Do you have a super fun hernia?
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It's a belly roll.
Like belly dancers do.
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So put that down as another
career option for me.
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Mom, you're not looking.
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Sorry, honey. I'm
trying to find my phone.
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Did you look in the bathroom?
You usually bring it in there.
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It's not there. I already looked.
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I had to poop without it. I read
the back of the shampoo bottle,
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like in the old days.
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Oh. Not to brag, but I
just got a text on my phone.
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That I didn't lose. Teddy's coming over.
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He's gonna help me
take down the vent hood,
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and then we're gonna
go pick up the new one.
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Ah, I love your life.
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I'll be back soon so
we can open for lunch.
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Okay. We should be back from
the shoe store by then, too.
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And someone will have her new sneakers.
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- It's me!
- Aw, look at her poor toe poking out.
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She's going through shoe-berty.
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- Say hi.
- Hi!
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- Dad?
- Oh. Hi?
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- How are you?
- I, um... I'm fine.
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You know what, Mom, I'm gonna
have to pass on the shoe store.
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We only shop in the sales racks,
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and they're the saddest
place in the whole world.
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All those mismatched shoes
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staring up at you from the floor.
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One time, I found a bloody
Band-Aid in one of the shoes.
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- Mom bought that pair.
- The Band-Aid wasn't that bloody.
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Dad, can I please go with you and Teddy?
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Sure. You want to go pick
up a new hood for a grill?
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Oh, you're seriously doing that?
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Ugh, still better than the sale racks.
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Huh. Should I go with Mom or with Dad?
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It's a real Kramer vs. Kramer.
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Which I think was a Seinfeld episode.
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Well, pick someone, 'cause
you're not staying here alone.
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And not because I don't want you
to find Mommy's special crackers
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that I don't really have.
Forget I said anything.
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Alone? Gene can't be
anywhere by himself.
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I beg your pardon?
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You still make Mom hide with
you when we play hide-and-seek.
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And you hate brushing
your teeth by yourself.
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- That's why we do it together.
- We're the Supreme Court Brush-tices!
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And you get dressed in
our room every morning,
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even if we're still asleep.
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I change in your room because
sometimes Ken uses my room
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for his sunrise yoga class
that he substitute-teaches.
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I like Yoga Ken. So flexible.
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- Ken's not real.
- If Ken's not real,
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then how did we FaceTime
for two hours last night?
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Okay. Uh, I'm going down to meet Teddy.
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- Wait for me.
- I'll stay here and do more of this.
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Where are you, you stupid,
stupid, stupid phone?!
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Maybe try talking a little
nicer to it? Just a thought.
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Okay. We're getting there.
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- Keep holding it.
- Got it.
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Thanks again for helping
out with this, Teddy.
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No prob, Bobby. There's
nowhere I'd rather be.
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Not even my cousin's wedding today.
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Wait, what? Teddy, you
didn't have to do this.
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It's fine. It's just my
mother's brother's son.
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So cocky 'cause he found true love.
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Anyway, today's about you.
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New hood, new life. Pretty exciting.
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Well, new to us. It's from
a guy on a message board
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who's selling a refurbished one.
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It's way less expensive than a new hood.
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Oh. So you're buying another old hood.
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Well, it's not old... It's refurbished.
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That's a fancy word for "old."
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So, you found this guy
on a message board, huh?
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Y-Yeah. Why are you
saying it like that?
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It's just... don't people
who post ads on the Internet
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turn out to be, you
know, psycho murderers?
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Eh. Some people just want
to sell you a pull-up bar,
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then be your friend and
move in with you for a while.
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I'm pretty sure this guy's legit.
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He sells a lot of
refurbished appliances.
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- Old appliances.
- Besides,
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wouldn't it be the
buyer who's the psycho,
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not the seller who
gives you their address
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and trusts you to come to their home?
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Yeah, but what if their home
turns out to be a dungeon?
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Oh, yeah. What if their home
turns out to be a dungeon?
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Okay, guys, if their home is a
dungeon, we won't buy the hood.
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'Cause we'll be getting
murdered in the dungeon.
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Eh. I'm gonna miss you guys so much.
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But, Teddy, you'd be with us.
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- We'd be together.
- No, I'd get away.
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- Then I'd miss you so much.
- Well, if you get away,
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you can call the police.
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- Then you can save us.
- Eh.
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The guy'd probably kill you
before the police get there.
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But I could try.
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- Thanks, Teddy.
- Hey! Teddy!
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You haven't seen my cool
new trick yet, you lucky man.
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Oh, that's fun, Gene.
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It's like you swallowed a water bed.
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Why are flecks of moisture hitting me?
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Gene, we're... kind of
busy at the moment.
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- Oh, boo.
- Okay. R-Ready, Bob?
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- Yeah. Oh, God.
- You said you were ready!
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I know, I did, I'm just... not strong.
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No, you are not. No offense.
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None taken.
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Hmm. Maybe I'll go with you guys.
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Teddy's got a truck, and
a truck trip could be fun.
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Although Mom likes to
sing while she drives,
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and I do enjoy that.
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A lot of swerving to the
music, honking to the beat.
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Will there be singing in the truck?
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I think it's gonna be a lot of this.
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All right, let's put
it against the wall.
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Lea-Lean it this way.
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- The weight's all in the back.
- Just like Dad.
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Eh, I think I'm gonna
go with Mom and Tina.
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I just remembered that
the shoe store gives out
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free crushed pretzels on the floor.
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Ugh, where are you, phone?
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- Okay, it's ringing.
- Don't hear it.
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Don't hear it. Don't hear it.
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Tina, honey, maybe you saying
that over and over again
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is gonna make it hard to hear the phone?
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I mean, I'm not questioning
your process, but okay.
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Wait till Mom and Tina
hear the good news.
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Oh, before we leave, I
should probably get my Casio,
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grab my day planner, ooh,
and do one of those auto-reply
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"I'm out of the office" e-mails.
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Ugh, this isn't working.
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I don't know where my dumb phone is.
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Maybe you accidentally
put it in a burger?
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No, I'm always really
careful about that.
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Well, I guess we should leave
if we want to get back before lunch.
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I can live without my
phone for a couple hours.
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I'll have to make real faces
instead of sending emojo-people.
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Wait, Gene's going with Dad, right?
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Yeah, I think so. He went downstairs.
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If I find any shoe Band-Aids,
I'm not sharing them with him.
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Okay, let's head out so we
can be back in time for lunch.
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Wait, is Gene coming with us?
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No, he said he wanted
to go with Mom and Tina.
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Who's driving? Oh, yeah. Me.
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And Robin goes in the
back on the way home.
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- Who's Robin?
- The hood. Dad, keep up.
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- God, I'm trying to make this fun.
- I get it, I get it.
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Mom? Tina? I'm going with you!
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I call the whole back
seat so I can do that thing
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where I pretend I'm in an Uber!
Where are you guys?
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Hmm.
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Hello? Maybe they're doing
a prank I'm not enjoying.
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I'll go get the key.
They're gonna get an earful!
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Dad? Louise?
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Huh. Hello?!
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Hello?
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Hello... ! Oh, my God, oh,
my God, oh, my God!
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Okay, okay. It's fine.
Everything's fine.
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I know what to do. Call Mom.
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I know her number. It's gonna
be the first tattoo I get.
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Wait, what?
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Why is the couch farting?
165
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Mom's phone?
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A nickel? A peanut M&M?
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Okay, calling Dad. What's Dad's number?
168
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I don't know it! The
digits were so random!
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Oh! It's written on the fridge!
170
00:06:21,470 --> 00:06:23,448
Aah! I can't read the
last three numbers!
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They're smudged over
with some sort of sauce!
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Ketchup. Figures.
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Aah! What do I do?! What do I do... ?!
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Guess I'd better get that.
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Hello? Hi! Ken!
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I know you called me,
but let me go first
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because you're not gonna believe this.
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I'm home alone!
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Yeah, no, that's right.
Mom and Tina were upstairs
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in the apartment and...
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Dad, Louise and Teddy
were in the restaurant.
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And then I guess they
didn't bother to make sure
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that their most special
boy in the whole wide world
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was with either of them when they left
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00:06:57,987 --> 00:06:59,993
and drove out of my life forever!
186
00:07:00,018 --> 00:07:02,884
No, Ken, I will not calm down!
You calm down!
187
00:07:02,909 --> 00:07:05,852
I know you're calm. You're
always calm, Mr. CBD Oil.
188
00:07:05,877 --> 00:07:08,483
Okay, okay. Breathing, breathing.
189
00:07:09,016 --> 00:07:11,143
Thank you, Ken. The beat-boxing helps.
190
00:07:11,168 --> 00:07:12,501
Maybe you're right.
191
00:07:12,526 --> 00:07:14,304
Maybe I should look at
this as a good thing.
192
00:07:14,329 --> 00:07:16,993
I mean, I can do
anything I want right now.
193
00:07:17,018 --> 00:07:18,827
The apartment is my oyster!
194
00:07:18,852 --> 00:07:20,310
Oh. Oyster sauce.
195
00:07:22,113 --> 00:07:24,326
The full-price section. Hot damn.
196
00:07:24,351 --> 00:07:27,177
Don't look, Tina. Don't look.
We're not full-price people.
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00:07:27,202 --> 00:07:28,943
Okay. So clean here.
198
00:07:28,968 --> 00:07:31,959
Tina, I said don't look.
Keep moving, keep moving.
199
00:07:31,984 --> 00:07:34,249
And here we are. The sales racks!
200
00:07:34,274 --> 00:07:35,751
No, no, no, no, no!
201
00:07:35,776 --> 00:07:37,352
I don't want a shoe!
202
00:07:37,822 --> 00:07:39,080
No... !
203
00:07:39,105 --> 00:07:41,290
Hold my hand, honey. Stay close to me.
204
00:07:42,166 --> 00:07:44,126
Hi, are you Bob?
205
00:07:44,151 --> 00:07:47,612
Yeah... yes, hi. Uh, this is
Teddy and my daughter Louise.
206
00:07:47,637 --> 00:07:50,168
- Are you Adam?
- Yep. Adam Appliances.
207
00:07:50,193 --> 00:07:52,037
That's a nickname I'm
trying to start for myself.
208
00:07:52,062 --> 00:07:53,707
- Because I sell appliances.
- Nice.
209
00:07:53,732 --> 00:07:56,378
Uh, well, so here's the hood.
Feel free to check it out.
210
00:07:56,403 --> 00:07:59,157
Don't want you to think you're
getting hoodwinked.
211
00:08:01,069 --> 00:08:02,328
Oh, Adam Appliances.
212
00:08:02,353 --> 00:08:04,290
Huh. Great. Uh, thanks.
213
00:08:04,314 --> 00:08:05,797
So, lot of merchandise, huh?
214
00:08:05,857 --> 00:08:07,680
There a lot of people
coming in and out of here?
215
00:08:07,705 --> 00:08:08,766
That's right.
216
00:08:08,791 --> 00:08:10,532
- But are they, Adam?
- Are they what?
217
00:08:10,557 --> 00:08:13,557
- Coming in and out?
- Louise. Uh, sorry.
218
00:08:13,582 --> 00:08:15,884
She's, uh... gets excited around, um,
219
00:08:15,909 --> 00:08:17,899
refurbished restaurant supplies.
220
00:08:17,924 --> 00:08:20,420
This, uh, looks good. All the right, uh,
221
00:08:20,445 --> 00:08:22,315
hood... parts. We'll-we'll take it.
222
00:08:22,340 --> 00:08:24,884
Oh, great, great. Well,
water it once a week
223
00:08:24,909 --> 00:08:26,086
and give it lots of sunlight.
224
00:08:27,596 --> 00:08:29,523
- This guy.
- Yeah, that's funny.
225
00:08:29,547 --> 00:08:32,312
Uh, so you posted that
you're selling it for $350?
226
00:08:32,337 --> 00:08:33,848
- Yep.
- All right. Here you go.
227
00:08:33,873 --> 00:08:36,782
Uh, it's a-a lot of singles and, um...
228
00:08:36,870 --> 00:08:39,221
uh, hold on... Some, um, loose change.
229
00:08:39,482 --> 00:08:41,915
Um, you-you can count
it all out if you like.
230
00:08:41,940 --> 00:08:44,473
Okay. Guess we'll
start with the pennies.
231
00:08:44,498 --> 00:08:46,118
One, two.
232
00:08:46,143 --> 00:08:48,384
- This is a button.
- Oh. Sorry.
233
00:08:48,876 --> 00:08:50,302
Mom's special crackers!
234
00:08:50,327 --> 00:08:51,986
Mom's special crackers! Yep,
235
00:08:52,011 --> 00:08:54,081
they were in her closet
in a shoebox labeled
236
00:08:54,106 --> 00:08:55,514
"Do not open. Spiders."
237
00:08:55,615 --> 00:08:57,676
Now I want to know where
she keeps her spiders.
238
00:08:57,978 --> 00:09:00,201
Yeah, I'm sitting in their
bed, eating the crackers,
239
00:09:00,295 --> 00:09:01,939
'cause no one's here telling me not to.
240
00:09:02,510 --> 00:09:04,188
Okay, what should we do next?
241
00:09:04,248 --> 00:09:05,591
Take that, Louise's "No
242
00:09:05,616 --> 00:09:09,043
Getting Out All My Collectibles
and Having a Rave in My Room" rule!
243
00:09:09,179 --> 00:09:10,179
Yeah!
244
00:09:10,204 --> 00:09:12,971
"I had that dream again
"where everyone's butts had eyebrows,
245
00:09:12,996 --> 00:09:14,452
and they called them 'thighbrows.'"
246
00:09:14,476 --> 00:09:16,142
And there's a drawing here.
247
00:09:16,167 --> 00:09:17,847
Want me to fax it to your secretary?
248
00:09:17,871 --> 00:09:19,481
Holding all the spoons!
249
00:09:19,505 --> 00:09:20,939
Holding all the spoons!
250
00:09:20,964 --> 00:09:22,649
Holding all the spoons!
251
00:09:22,842 --> 00:09:26,189
Ooh, Tina! I found one
shoe that's in your size.
252
00:09:26,214 --> 00:09:28,790
- You want to try it on?
- Okay. Let's give this a shot.
253
00:09:28,815 --> 00:09:31,117
Feels good. Maybe I
don't need two shoes.
254
00:09:31,142 --> 00:09:32,594
Who am I, Kate Middleton?
255
00:09:32,619 --> 00:09:35,219
Excuse me! Do you have the
other one of these sneakers?
256
00:09:35,279 --> 00:09:37,183
Everything we have is out here. Sorry.
257
00:09:37,207 --> 00:09:39,240
But there was only one shoe in this box.
258
00:09:39,265 --> 00:09:41,494
Yeah. Shoes go missing all the time.
259
00:09:41,527 --> 00:09:44,505
People shove them in the wrong
box or just... throw them.
260
00:09:44,530 --> 00:09:46,150
I don't know why they do these things.
261
00:09:46,174 --> 00:09:47,965
I just try to get through each day.
262
00:09:47,990 --> 00:09:49,458
Ooh, look at those shooties.
263
00:09:49,491 --> 00:09:50,723
- What are shooties?
- You know,
264
00:09:50,748 --> 00:09:53,172
they're like if a shoe
and a boot had a baby.
265
00:09:53,223 --> 00:09:54,400
They're so cute.
266
00:09:54,424 --> 00:09:56,350
And it's so peaceful over there.
267
00:09:56,375 --> 00:09:58,070
And so... not sad.
268
00:09:58,094 --> 00:10:00,206
- And nobody's smoking.
- I'm gonna go try 'em on.
269
00:10:00,230 --> 00:10:02,596
Just for fun. Nothing
wrong with that, right?
270
00:10:02,621 --> 00:10:05,007
You want to go to the
full-priced section?
271
00:10:05,110 --> 00:10:06,319
You want to go to the big show?
272
00:10:06,343 --> 00:10:08,028
Not to buy, just to try.
273
00:10:08,053 --> 00:10:10,427
- You want to come?
- I sure as shootie want to come.
274
00:10:10,787 --> 00:10:12,342
Okay, Bob, you're all set.
275
00:10:12,367 --> 00:10:13,480
Unless you want to buy
276
00:10:13,505 --> 00:10:15,361
- a refurbished vacuum.
- Oh, no, thanks.
277
00:10:15,386 --> 00:10:17,390
No, wait, wait, wait.
L-Let me show you.
278
00:10:17,414 --> 00:10:19,040
So, it's kind of loud!
279
00:10:19,064 --> 00:10:20,189
Uh, but that's fine!
280
00:10:20,250 --> 00:10:22,783
You can scream and no one can hear it!
281
00:10:24,087 --> 00:10:25,022
See?
282
00:10:25,046 --> 00:10:26,524
Oh, yeah. I see.
283
00:10:26,548 --> 00:10:29,123
Oh, Adam, uh, can I get
a receipt? For my taxes.
284
00:10:29,148 --> 00:10:30,585
You know about taxes, Dad?
285
00:10:30,610 --> 00:10:32,492
- Um, kind of.
- Okay, sure.
286
00:10:32,517 --> 00:10:35,607
I'll get you a receipt. I
don't have any paper out here.
287
00:10:35,631 --> 00:10:37,259
Let me go inside and write you up one.
288
00:10:37,283 --> 00:10:38,852
- I'll be right back.
- Thanks.
289
00:10:38,876 --> 00:10:41,038
Feel free to look around.
That's a tortilla press.
290
00:10:41,062 --> 00:10:43,804
Or if you stick your hand
in it, it's a hand press.
291
00:10:43,829 --> 00:10:45,065
Hand-wich, anyone?
292
00:10:45,090 --> 00:10:47,233
Good one!
293
00:10:47,384 --> 00:10:48,642
Do we want to discuss the fact
294
00:10:48,795 --> 00:10:50,423
that he's talking about eating hands,
295
00:10:50,447 --> 00:10:53,384
and he basically gave us a
blueprint of his murder plan?
296
00:10:53,408 --> 00:10:54,741
What do you mean?
297
00:10:54,766 --> 00:10:58,399
The vacuum? To cover
up our screams? Hello?
298
00:10:58,424 --> 00:11:01,040
I think he was just trying to
sell us a really loud vacuum.
299
00:11:01,065 --> 00:11:02,415
I scream when I vacuum.
300
00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:04,060
But that's just 'cause
I don't like doing it.
301
00:11:06,370 --> 00:11:09,590
Yes, Ken, I do kind of feel like
the bartenders in Coyote Ugly.
302
00:11:09,615 --> 00:11:11,402
Hey, should I go in the kitchen?
303
00:11:11,426 --> 00:11:13,259
Yeah, I think I should, too.
304
00:11:13,284 --> 00:11:14,376
Hmm.
305
00:11:14,596 --> 00:11:16,465
Hamburger buns. I'm gonna eat 'em.
306
00:11:16,489 --> 00:11:17,983
Oh, that's a much better idea.
307
00:11:18,007 --> 00:11:20,060
I should definitely put
them through the meat grinder
308
00:11:20,084 --> 00:11:21,401
and make bun-burgers.
309
00:11:21,426 --> 00:11:23,864
The burger is the bun, and the
bun is the bun. It's perfect!
310
00:11:23,888 --> 00:11:25,583
This is the kind of thing
Dad would never let me do,
311
00:11:25,607 --> 00:11:27,918
but once he tried it, he'd be like,
312
00:11:27,942 --> 00:11:29,776
"I love my brilliant bun son!"
313
00:11:31,360 --> 00:11:34,799
Huh. That was a weird sound.
314
00:11:34,824 --> 00:11:36,594
Aah! What the hell?!
315
00:11:36,618 --> 00:11:38,922
I can't open the door!
316
00:11:38,947 --> 00:11:40,930
Help! Ken, call the Coast Guard!
317
00:11:40,955 --> 00:11:42,459
Call the CSI basement people!
318
00:11:42,484 --> 00:11:44,267
Call Richard Belzer and Ice-T!
319
00:11:44,292 --> 00:11:46,417
Call Mariska Hargitay!
320
00:11:50,465 --> 00:11:52,026
The door's wedged shut!
321
00:11:52,050 --> 00:11:54,283
Yes, Ken, I am pushing with my core.
322
00:11:54,308 --> 00:11:57,021
Sorry, not all of us have
time to do Kundalini yoga
323
00:11:57,046 --> 00:11:58,212
for two hours every day!
324
00:11:58,237 --> 00:11:59,992
Aah! Looks like I'm stuck down here
325
00:12:00,016 --> 00:12:01,619
until Mom and Dad get back.
326
00:12:01,643 --> 00:12:03,287
At least I've got these
buns for nourishment.
327
00:12:03,311 --> 00:12:05,847
And all the basement
food, aka bottom snacks.
328
00:12:05,872 --> 00:12:07,789
Dad always tells me
not to call them that.
329
00:12:08,672 --> 00:12:10,834
Taking a while for him to
write that receipt, huh?
330
00:12:10,859 --> 00:12:12,787
Maybe he's doing a pre-murder pep talk?
331
00:12:12,812 --> 00:12:14,728
- Psyching himself up?
- Louise.
332
00:12:14,823 --> 00:12:16,230
Ugh, we got to leave soon
333
00:12:16,255 --> 00:12:17,859
if we're gonna make
it back before lunch.
334
00:12:17,884 --> 00:12:21,902
Adam? Mister, um... Mr. Appliances?
335
00:12:21,927 --> 00:12:23,093
Should we just go?
336
00:12:23,118 --> 00:12:25,309
Uh, I kind of need that receipt.
337
00:12:25,333 --> 00:12:27,127
This hood is a pretty
big business expense,
338
00:12:27,151 --> 00:12:29,978
and I was gonna deduct it,
which I'm pretty sure is a thing.
339
00:12:30,003 --> 00:12:32,384
I bet he's in there right
now sharpening his gun.
340
00:12:32,409 --> 00:12:34,651
He's not a murderer, Louise.
341
00:12:34,676 --> 00:12:36,611
Hello? Adam?
342
00:12:36,636 --> 00:12:38,939
Okay, I guess I'm gonna go in?
343
00:12:38,964 --> 00:12:40,323
- You are?
- Yeah.
344
00:12:40,348 --> 00:12:42,551
- You stay out here.
- Oh, we stay out here? Really?
345
00:12:42,575 --> 00:12:44,444
- Why is that, Father?
- Just because.
346
00:12:44,468 --> 00:12:46,159
Because he might be a murderer.
347
00:12:46,184 --> 00:12:48,448
- No. Well, maybe.
- I'll go with you, Bob.
348
00:12:48,472 --> 00:12:50,748
Or, Teddy, you could go by yourself?
349
00:12:50,773 --> 00:12:51,805
No way, no.
350
00:12:51,830 --> 00:12:53,307
Okay, let's just all go in, then.
351
00:12:54,143 --> 00:12:55,769
Louise, stay behind me.
352
00:12:55,794 --> 00:12:57,088
Adam? Hello?
353
00:12:57,274 --> 00:12:58,824
Look at all that bleach.
354
00:12:58,849 --> 00:13:00,535
That stuff is great for
getting out bloodstains, right?
355
00:13:00,559 --> 00:13:02,034
Blood, sweat and tears.
356
00:13:02,059 --> 00:13:03,555
End of most days, I got all three.
357
00:13:04,042 --> 00:13:06,091
Wow. I love how it's
two shoes that match.
358
00:13:06,115 --> 00:13:07,542
I know, right?
359
00:13:07,566 --> 00:13:09,556
I feel like a New York businesswoman.
360
00:13:09,581 --> 00:13:12,060
Hey, Mr. Big Boss, I
don't need this job.
361
00:13:12,085 --> 00:13:14,917
I'm gonna quit and move to Vermont
and make baby applesauce.
362
00:13:14,942 --> 00:13:16,274
Hi, red carpet reporter.
363
00:13:16,299 --> 00:13:18,145
What am I wearing? Two matching shoes.
364
00:13:18,169 --> 00:13:19,922
Oh. You're over here now.
365
00:13:19,946 --> 00:13:22,446
Just so you know, moving shoes
from here to the sales rack
366
00:13:22,471 --> 00:13:24,605
doesn't magically make them on sale.
367
00:13:24,630 --> 00:13:26,667
You'd be surprised how
many people think that.
368
00:13:26,692 --> 00:13:29,441
No, no, no. We're not doing
that. We're just looking.
369
00:13:29,466 --> 00:13:31,387
Well, if you need any
help, I'll be trying
370
00:13:31,457 --> 00:13:33,768
to take care of everything in
the store because they didn't
371
00:13:33,793 --> 00:13:35,000
- hire enough people.
- Okay, bye.
372
00:13:35,025 --> 00:13:36,547
Come on. Let's try
on these cowboy boots.
373
00:13:36,571 --> 00:13:38,424
We can be cowgirl-businesswomen.
374
00:13:38,448 --> 00:13:40,740
We're gonna be yee-hot...
and good at our jobs.
375
00:13:41,630 --> 00:13:43,892
And that's why I think
ostriches should wear britches
376
00:13:43,953 --> 00:13:45,485
and be called "ost-britches."
377
00:13:45,510 --> 00:13:46,843
Ken, are you listening?
378
00:13:46,868 --> 00:13:48,601
Well, it just seems
like you're distracted.
379
00:13:48,625 --> 00:13:51,339
No, no, no, no, don't get off
yet. I want to keep talking.
380
00:13:51,364 --> 00:13:54,474
If you need to read your e-mail,
read your e-mail. I can wait.
381
00:13:54,499 --> 00:13:55,790
Oh. You're reading it out loud.
382
00:13:55,815 --> 00:13:58,240
Wow. So many e-mails from The Edge.
383
00:13:58,331 --> 00:14:00,289
How long have you known U2?
384
00:14:00,314 --> 00:14:02,647
You grew up with Larry Mullen Jr.?!
385
00:14:03,462 --> 00:14:04,483
Hello?
386
00:14:04,939 --> 00:14:08,078
Hello? Um, we're in your kitchen now.
387
00:14:08,102 --> 00:14:10,839
Sorry to be... so in your house.
388
00:14:10,864 --> 00:14:14,390
But, uh, we're curious how
it's going with the receipt.
389
00:14:14,415 --> 00:14:16,978
I wonder which of our faces
he's going to wear as a mask.
390
00:14:17,003 --> 00:14:19,578
I don't know. Could be
a Goldilocks situation.
391
00:14:19,603 --> 00:14:22,347
- One's too big, one's too little.
- Mm.
392
00:14:22,372 --> 00:14:24,094
Gosh, you'd think
393
00:14:24,118 --> 00:14:26,287
Adam Appliances would have some
better ones in his own kitchen.
394
00:14:26,311 --> 00:14:29,623
A two-slice toaster?
What is this, 1985?
395
00:14:30,415 --> 00:14:32,511
Normally I'd hate being
left alone like this.
396
00:14:32,535 --> 00:14:34,554
You know, 'cause being
by myself isn't my thing.
397
00:14:34,578 --> 00:14:37,073
But at least I have you to talk to, Ken.
398
00:14:37,098 --> 00:14:38,298
What do mean you have to go?
399
00:14:38,756 --> 00:14:40,152
Your short film is winning an award
400
00:14:40,176 --> 00:14:41,918
at the Montreal Film Festival?
401
00:14:41,943 --> 00:14:43,379
Well, of course I'm happy for you.
402
00:14:43,404 --> 00:14:44,673
I know it's your passion project,
403
00:14:44,697 --> 00:14:46,328
and it took you forever
to clear the rights,
404
00:14:46,353 --> 00:14:48,078
and Jessica Chastain is a revelation,
405
00:14:48,103 --> 00:14:49,977
but I need you to stay
on the phone with me!
406
00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:51,865
Don't tell me I'll be fine!
407
00:14:51,890 --> 00:14:53,445
No! No! Don't hang up!
408
00:14:53,470 --> 00:14:57,420
Ken? Ken?! Hello? Ken!
409
00:15:00,584 --> 00:15:03,348
Pick up, pick up, pick
up. Aah, voice mail again!
410
00:15:03,373 --> 00:15:05,121
Ken, I'm gonna keep leaving you messages
411
00:15:05,146 --> 00:15:07,793
because you hung up
and left me alone! Ugh!
412
00:15:07,818 --> 00:15:09,181
I hope that you go to a bagel store
413
00:15:09,205 --> 00:15:11,664
where they sell Montreal-style bagels,
414
00:15:11,689 --> 00:15:13,547
and they run out of them
right as you walk in.
415
00:15:13,572 --> 00:15:15,627
Sorry, I didn't mean that. Goodbye.
416
00:15:15,652 --> 00:15:19,309
Oh, no! Now how is Ken
supposed to call me back?!
417
00:15:19,334 --> 00:15:21,673
On a fork? That's ridiculous!
418
00:15:21,698 --> 00:15:24,458
Okay, Adam, we're in
your living room now.
419
00:15:24,483 --> 00:15:25,985
Just really need that receipt, buddy.
420
00:15:26,155 --> 00:15:27,764
Wait. Are you holding a butter knife?
421
00:15:27,789 --> 00:15:29,678
- You butter believe it.
- Is it from Adam's kitchen?
422
00:15:29,703 --> 00:15:31,946
No, I walk around with
butter knives. Yes, of course.
423
00:15:31,970 --> 00:15:34,045
Teddy, are you holding a cheese grater?
424
00:15:34,139 --> 00:15:36,339
Yeah. Did you not grab
anything from the kitchen?
425
00:15:36,386 --> 00:15:38,586
Okay, you know what? This is too weird.
426
00:15:38,611 --> 00:15:40,538
Forget the receipt.
Probably better to live
427
00:15:40,562 --> 00:15:41,961
than to have a deduction.
428
00:15:42,063 --> 00:15:43,666
I think I read that on a fortune cookie.
429
00:15:43,690 --> 00:15:45,206
Come on, let's go.
430
00:15:45,266 --> 00:15:48,205
Oh, my God! Please don't kill us!
431
00:15:48,230 --> 00:15:50,207
- What?!
- I'll grate you!
432
00:15:50,232 --> 00:15:52,395
Is that my cheese grater?
Wait. Is that my butter knife?
433
00:15:52,420 --> 00:15:55,587
Yes, and it's very serrated.
Are you sure it's a butter knife?
434
00:15:55,612 --> 00:15:57,530
Yeah, I should know that. It is mine.
435
00:15:57,554 --> 00:15:59,794
- Why are you in my house?
- We were looking for you.
436
00:15:59,831 --> 00:16:01,825
You were taking so long with
the receipt, and we were...
437
00:16:01,850 --> 00:16:03,074
we weren't sure what to do.
438
00:16:03,099 --> 00:16:04,770
I had to go to the bathroom.
439
00:16:04,795 --> 00:16:06,313
We were shouting your name.
440
00:16:06,338 --> 00:16:08,515
The fan was on if you
need to know everything.
441
00:16:08,540 --> 00:16:10,706
Ugh. This is exactly what
my wife said would happen
442
00:16:10,731 --> 00:16:12,068
if I started this business.
443
00:16:12,093 --> 00:16:13,821
You give strangers from
the Internet your address,
444
00:16:13,845 --> 00:16:15,178
and they'll come in your house
445
00:16:15,203 --> 00:16:17,307
and kill you with
your own cheese grater.
446
00:16:17,331 --> 00:16:18,826
- No, I wasn't gonna kill you.
- No, Adam, no, no.
447
00:16:18,850 --> 00:16:20,328
- We're, we're not...
- I mean, it'd be hard with this.
448
00:16:20,352 --> 00:16:22,163
I knew there was something
off about you guys.
449
00:16:22,187 --> 00:16:23,669
You with all that change.
450
00:16:23,694 --> 00:16:25,665
Who would do something
like that to someone?
451
00:16:25,690 --> 00:16:29,476
I'm sorry. I-I mean, to
be fair, change is money.
452
00:16:29,501 --> 00:16:31,976
I know it's annoying
money, but it still counts.
453
00:16:32,001 --> 00:16:33,134
Dad, don't.
454
00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:34,680
Here is your receipt, sir.
455
00:16:34,777 --> 00:16:36,718
Uh, thanks. We're gonna go now.
456
00:16:36,743 --> 00:16:38,254
Yeah, I think that's best you do.
457
00:16:38,278 --> 00:16:39,663
Here.
458
00:16:39,687 --> 00:16:41,257
- Just put it on the table.
- Yup, yup, okay.
459
00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:45,520
Arr! Pirate and Go-Go
Dancer fight for the galaxy!
460
00:16:45,544 --> 00:16:47,394
- Arr!
- Groovy!
461
00:16:47,426 --> 00:16:49,755
So, are you guys sure
you don't need any help?
462
00:16:49,780 --> 00:16:52,607
Nope, nope. Uh, ju-just
making some decisions.
463
00:16:52,632 --> 00:16:53,923
Lot of boxes on the floor.
464
00:16:53,948 --> 00:16:55,223
We're gonna put them all back.
465
00:16:55,248 --> 00:16:56,634
Except for the ones that we buy.
466
00:16:56,659 --> 00:16:58,607
Uh-huh. And how many pairs do you think
467
00:16:58,631 --> 00:16:59,964
you'll be purchasing today?
468
00:17:00,058 --> 00:17:02,611
I mean, uh, maybe those
sneakers over there?
469
00:17:02,636 --> 00:17:04,061
You know, when they go on sale.
470
00:17:04,086 --> 00:17:06,023
Are there some of these
I can start putting away?
471
00:17:06,047 --> 00:17:09,567
Uh, yeah, I guess the boots
and the... the moon shoes.
472
00:17:09,592 --> 00:17:10,752
And the gladiator sandals.
473
00:17:10,777 --> 00:17:12,569
Oh, and-and the moccasins, too.
474
00:17:12,779 --> 00:17:15,479
- Those looked really good on you.
- They did, right?
475
00:17:15,504 --> 00:17:17,126
- Here, I-I'll put those away.
- Oh.
476
00:17:17,150 --> 00:17:20,015
Look, we're sorry. It's
just, we just wanted to know
477
00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:22,280
what it felt like to shop
in the nice shoe section.
478
00:17:22,305 --> 00:17:24,840
Where they have all the sizes
and the shoes come in pairs.
479
00:17:24,865 --> 00:17:26,968
And the lights aren't
blinking off and on over here.
480
00:17:26,993 --> 00:17:28,920
And there isn't anything
dripping from the ceiling.
481
00:17:28,944 --> 00:17:30,995
I get it. The sales racks are rough.
482
00:17:31,020 --> 00:17:32,900
I found a toe over there yesterday.
483
00:17:32,924 --> 00:17:35,385
- Oh, God.
- Ah, I think it was a toe.
484
00:17:35,410 --> 00:17:38,095
The police have it. Anyway,
I-I'll tell you what.
485
00:17:38,120 --> 00:17:40,074
I can give you 20% off those sneakers.
486
00:17:40,098 --> 00:17:41,576
- How about that?
- Really?!
487
00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:43,160
- Yeah.
- Thank you!
488
00:17:43,250 --> 00:17:44,630
- Sure.
- Or maybe I don't do the sneakers?
489
00:17:44,655 --> 00:17:45,772
I do the big boots, and I'm
490
00:17:45,797 --> 00:17:47,729
- Big Booty Tina from now on?
- No, no, no, no, no,
491
00:17:47,754 --> 00:17:49,107
- no, do the sneakers.
- Okay.
492
00:17:49,131 --> 00:17:52,683
Aah, I hate this! No family, no Ken.
493
00:17:52,777 --> 00:17:55,519
Stuck here in the
basement with just myself.
494
00:17:55,544 --> 00:17:56,893
Why did Ken do this?!
495
00:17:56,918 --> 00:17:58,926
Why did my totally real
friend hang up on me?
496
00:17:58,950 --> 00:18:01,206
Doesn't he know this
is my worst nightmare?
497
00:18:01,231 --> 00:18:02,879
No one to talk to but myself?
498
00:18:02,904 --> 00:18:05,187
Wait. Did Ken do this on purpose?
499
00:18:05,212 --> 00:18:08,177
Is this a test? He does like to test me.
500
00:18:08,201 --> 00:18:09,961
Like that time he
tested my self-control
501
00:18:09,985 --> 00:18:11,606
by asking me to hold his ice cream cone
502
00:18:11,630 --> 00:18:13,037
while he went to go poo poo.
503
00:18:13,062 --> 00:18:16,005
Maybe this is... a
being-with-myself test.
504
00:18:16,030 --> 00:18:17,859
Okay, then, I'll try it.
505
00:18:17,884 --> 00:18:20,619
I'll try being alone with my thoughts?
506
00:18:20,695 --> 00:18:23,112
♪ Green peppers give me gas ♪
507
00:18:23,287 --> 00:18:25,895
♪ Unless they're in a scone ♪
508
00:18:25,997 --> 00:18:28,581
♪ These are thoughts I'm thinking ♪
509
00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:30,899
♪ When I'm all alone ♪
510
00:18:31,353 --> 00:18:33,799
♪ Is taupe a real color? ♪
511
00:18:33,914 --> 00:18:36,206
♪ I wanna free solo up that shelf ♪
512
00:18:36,845 --> 00:18:40,876
♪ These are things I'm
thinking when I'm by myself ♪
513
00:18:40,935 --> 00:18:43,586
♪ My knees have weird wrinkles ♪
514
00:18:43,611 --> 00:18:45,526
♪ My butt makes weird sounds ♪
515
00:18:45,551 --> 00:18:48,550
♪ Maybe I can still have
fun with no one else around ♪
516
00:18:48,574 --> 00:18:53,481
♪ I'm gonna keep thinkin'
'cause it's keepin' me calm ♪
517
00:18:53,505 --> 00:18:56,875
♪ Robots and music and
banh mi from Vietnam ♪
518
00:18:56,900 --> 00:19:01,379
♪ I enjoy being with
people, maybe too much ♪
519
00:19:01,404 --> 00:19:04,659
♪ And Ken is a delight but
maybe kind of a crutch ♪
520
00:19:04,684 --> 00:19:09,145
♪ I didn't think I'd feel
this way till I was grown ♪
521
00:19:09,170 --> 00:19:12,499
♪ But it turns out
I'm fine being here ♪
522
00:19:12,524 --> 00:19:15,933
♪ On my own! ♪
523
00:19:16,330 --> 00:19:18,914
Ken, you brilliant son of a bitch!
524
00:19:18,938 --> 00:19:20,582
We're back!
525
00:19:20,606 --> 00:19:22,385
You might not recognize me
'cause of my new sneakers,
526
00:19:22,409 --> 00:19:24,108
but, um, it's me. Tina.
527
00:19:24,133 --> 00:19:27,672
Tina?! Oh, God, okay. I'm
glad you cleared that up.
528
00:19:27,697 --> 00:19:29,425
Look at that shiny new hood.
529
00:19:29,449 --> 00:19:31,672
It's refurbished. Fancy word for old.
530
00:19:31,697 --> 00:19:34,693
Well, sorry we took so long.
We had a little shoe-cation.
531
00:19:34,787 --> 00:19:36,278
It's okay. We took a while, too.
532
00:19:36,303 --> 00:19:38,383
We kind of mistook a
totally harmless person
533
00:19:38,408 --> 00:19:41,920
for being a murderer and then
we trespassed in his house.
534
00:19:41,945 --> 00:19:43,605
Sounds fun. Hey, where's Gene?
535
00:19:43,629 --> 00:19:45,843
- I thought he was with you.
- I thought he was with you!
536
00:19:45,868 --> 00:19:47,701
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God!
537
00:19:47,726 --> 00:19:49,967
Gene?! Gene?!
538
00:19:50,061 --> 00:19:51,135
My toys!
539
00:19:51,229 --> 00:19:52,206
My diary!
540
00:19:52,230 --> 00:19:53,713
My crackers!
541
00:19:53,738 --> 00:19:55,751
♪ Bun-burger,
bun-burger, bun-burger ♪
542
00:19:55,775 --> 00:19:57,575
- ♪ Bun-burger ♪
- He's here!
543
00:19:57,685 --> 00:19:59,384
- Gene!
- Mom! Dad!
544
00:19:59,446 --> 00:20:00,978
Oh, we're so sorry, Gene.
545
00:20:01,072 --> 00:20:03,000
We didn't mean to leave you by yourself.
546
00:20:03,024 --> 00:20:04,552
I thought you were with your dad.
547
00:20:04,576 --> 00:20:06,295
And I thought you were with your mom.
548
00:20:06,319 --> 00:20:08,389
Are you all right? We know
you don't love being alone.
549
00:20:08,413 --> 00:20:09,728
Or being trapped in a basement.
550
00:20:09,789 --> 00:20:11,475
We were almost trapped in a basement.
551
00:20:11,499 --> 00:20:14,694
- Yeah, we almost died.
- No, we weren't, and no, we didn't.
552
00:20:14,736 --> 00:20:17,486
You know, it actually wasn't that bad.
I had Ken for a lot of it.
553
00:20:17,511 --> 00:20:20,388
But then he had to go accept
this award, and I was alone,
554
00:20:20,413 --> 00:20:22,087
but that turned out to be okay, too.
555
00:20:22,112 --> 00:20:24,779
Really? That's, uh... that's good.
556
00:20:24,804 --> 00:20:26,648
Uh, what's going on
with the meat grinder?
557
00:20:26,672 --> 00:20:27,967
Big changes at the restaurant, Dad.
558
00:20:27,991 --> 00:20:29,524
I don't want to give it away,
559
00:20:29,549 --> 00:20:31,694
but let's just say it
rhymes with "dun durgers."
560
00:20:31,719 --> 00:20:33,995
Oh, my Geenie Weenie, Mommy's so sorry!
561
00:20:34,096 --> 00:20:36,250
Mwah-mwah-mwah!
Mwah! Mwah-mwah-mwah!
562
00:20:36,274 --> 00:20:37,848
It's okay, Mom.
563
00:20:37,942 --> 00:20:39,645
Huh. You're kind of letting
them off pretty easy.
564
00:20:39,669 --> 00:20:41,780
I would maybe look for
a lawyer if I were you?
565
00:20:41,804 --> 00:20:44,039
No lawyers. Come on. Let's go upstairs.
566
00:20:44,064 --> 00:20:46,042
So, you found my special crackers, huh?
567
00:20:46,067 --> 00:20:48,600
- Yup. Ken and I did.
- How is Ken?
568
00:20:48,625 --> 00:20:51,107
Busy as always. And he's micro-dosing.
569
00:20:51,132 --> 00:20:52,490
That's... You know what?
570
00:20:52,515 --> 00:20:55,792
Just tell him thanks
for keeping you company.
571
00:20:55,817 --> 00:20:57,586
♪ My knees have weird wrinkles ♪
572
00:20:57,611 --> 00:20:59,537
♪ My butt makes weird sounds ♪
573
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:03,151
♪ Maybe I can still have
fun with no one else around ♪
574
00:21:03,176 --> 00:21:07,119
♪ I'm gonna keep thinkin'
'cause it's keepin' me calm ♪
575
00:21:07,144 --> 00:21:11,067
♪ Robots and music and
banh mi from Vietnam ♪
576
00:21:11,092 --> 00:21:15,052
♪ I enjoy being with
people, maybe too much ♪
577
00:21:15,146 --> 00:21:19,131
♪ And Ken is a delight but
maybe kind of a crutch ♪
578
00:21:19,192 --> 00:21:22,560
♪ I didn't think I'd feel
this way till I was grown ♪
579
00:21:22,654 --> 00:21:25,655
♪ But it turns out
I'm fine being here ♪
580
00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:28,709
♪ On my own. ♪
581
00:21:28,734 --> 00:21:31,894
- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -
-- for www.addic7ed.com --