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- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -
-- for www.addic7ed.com --
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And that's when I
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- switched to boxer
briefs. - Mm-hmm.
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And I never looked back.
Best of both worlds.
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Okay, I'm heading out.
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Hey, Linda, you're just in time to hear
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why I changed my underpants.
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I-I mean the kind of underpants I wear.
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I'm gonna have to take
a rain check, Teddy.
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I'm going on a power walk.
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Ooh, power walk. Sounds fun.
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What is that? Do you stomp really hard?
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Yeah, it's a part of this
thing I'm doing with Ginger.
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Gettin' Fitty in your Forties.
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It's all about exercising
and eating better
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- and being in your forties.
- Can I do it, too?
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- I could probably be healthier.
- No.
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Sure you can. Get ready for salads
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and veggies and smoothies.
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Smoothies with cayenne
pepper and flax seed.
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Wow. What's flax seed?
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I don't know, but I feel great.
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Maybe it comes from a flax machine.
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- Ha! I'm getting fittier and funnier.
- Yeah, you are.
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Anyway, Ginger already took her walk,
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so now I got to take mine
or I'll get a frowny face
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on my profile.
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And Ginger and I have this bet.
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Whoever gets the most frowny faces
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has to wear their bra over their shirt
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for a whole day.
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That might be bad for business.
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Or possibly good.
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Yeah, it depends on the
bra. Ooh, I better get going.
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We got the kids' parent-teacher-
student conferences
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in an hour and a half.
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Yeah, where they make
us all sit together
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and discuss the kids
right in front of them.
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I try to not make eye
contact with... our children.
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Well, they don't usually
grade the parents,
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but I bet the teachers
will probably give me an "A"
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for A-mazing lifestyle
changes and great parenting.
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Speaking of, where
are the kids? They're late.
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You're right. Maybe it's
for a good reason?
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I mean, it never is.
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Maybe there's a cool new
dance all the kids are doing,
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and they're having a
dance-off in the alley?
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Why is it in an alley?
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That's where people step to you, Bob.
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Maybe they got on the
wrong bus from school
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and ended up in a different town.
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That happened to me a lot.
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There you are. Where were you?
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Where were you?! No? Does that not work?
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- We all got detention.
- What?!
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- Yeah.
- Uh-huh.
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- How?
- I swapped out Ms. Labonz's
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morning announcements
with the lyrics for "Baby Got Back,"
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which she only read the first
line of, but it was hilarious.
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I put a hot dog in the pencil sharpener
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to make Hot Dog Swirl
Snacks... Patent pending.
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And Tammy said horses
are just boring zebras.
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And one of us got her hair pulled,
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and the other one got detention.
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So, what's new around here?
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I can't believe you guys.
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What? Oh, the detentions.
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Yeah, kids, that's not good.
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But, Gene, the hot dog
thing? I kind of get it.
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I've had the same thought before.
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But y-you shouldn't do it.
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And you do this on parent-
teacher-student conference day
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of all days?!
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I guess it's not a
great look. Sorry, Mom.
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But, hey, if it helps, you
don't even have to worry
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about punishing us because
detention was... woof.
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It was rough. They
didn't let us get water,
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more than several times.
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And there were no pastries at all.
Not even a bear claw.
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I did kind of enjoy being
alone with my thoughts.
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But, yeah, it was hard. Real, real hard.
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Oh, you're all getting
punished, Miss Missies
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and Mister Misters.
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But we're sorry, Mama.
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No! It's not gonna work this time, Gene.
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It's called rules, okay?
Rules exist for a reason.
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It's how society is a thing.
You got to follow the rules.
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Right? Bob, right? This
is where you come in.
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Um, yeah, that's right.
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Sorry, you just seemed
like you were on a roll.
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I mean, we should all be
trying to be better people
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around here, you know.
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I'm doing my part. I'm eating flax.
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Maybe you should just
relax and have some more flax.
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No! No, Gene. Leave my flax out of this.
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Now I'm going on my power
walk, and I'm gonna think of
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a punishment that fits how annoyed I am.
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Spoiler alert, it's gonna be a big one.
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In the meantime, get to work
here and do your homework.
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Wait, which one do you want us to do?
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Both. Multitask!
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Wow, I would not want
to be you guys right now.
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- Nope.
- Thank you both.
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Mom seemed extra angry.
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Her teeth were grittier than ever.
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Gritty and gorgeous.
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Okay, so here's what
I think we should do.
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Work extra hard, and
when she comes back,
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this place will look
so great, she'll say,
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"No punishment necessary."
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Yeah. And she'll pick us
up and throw us in the air
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and say, "My beautiful bouncing babies."
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I mean, I always work extra hard.
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I leave it on the field every day.
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But, okay, let's try
it with all three of us.
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So, Bob, back to my underpants story.
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Oh, do we need to go
back? I think I got it all.
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Here's the thing. I signed
up for an improv class,
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and I'm really nervous about it.
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So we're not talking about underpants?
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No, we are. Our first
performance is tonight.
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I'm starting to freak
out, so I was wondering
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if you'd come to the show
and yell out a suggestion.
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In this case, underpants,
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so I can roll into my underpants story.
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I don't think the point
of improv is to have
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a story ready to tell, Teddy.
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Oh, I'm sorry,
Professor Think-em-ups.
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Listen, please just come.
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Please come and yell out "underpants."
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- No.
- Yes, and?
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I can't believe those kids.
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Darn rule-breaking hooligans.
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On parent-teacher-student
conference night.
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Out of my way, squirrel!
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Oh, I'm so mad.
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Uh-oh, cayenne smoothie is
moving around in there. Ow.
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Oh, oh, oh, boy. I better go back home.
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Oh, no. Oh, no, I'm gonna poop!
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Oh, no. Oh, no, it's gonna happen.
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Oh, thank God.
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Hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it.
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Hold it, hold it.
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Damn it! Oh, what?
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Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
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Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
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- Tag, you're it.
- Eh, stupid kids!
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I mean, hi.
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Childhood. Happy memories.
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Oh, maybe I'll just go behind there.
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No. No. No. No. No! Hi.
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Oh, my God, it's happening!
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Okay...
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Oh, poop.
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You gotta believe me.
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I almost always poop in toilets.
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It was an accident. An emergency.
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- That's what they all say.
- They all say that? Who's they?
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- Public poopers.
- What?!
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No, no, that's not who I am.
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This was all just a mistake.
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I'm on this new exercise
program, and I'm eating healthy.
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I think my body's just confused
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that I'm not shoveling garbage into it.
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It's not used to salads.
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And that damn cayenne pepper
is a spicy little bastard.
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So, I didn't need to hear any of that.
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- Uh, the fine is $100.
- Okay.
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But since you have no wallet
or ID, or even a phone,
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we need someone to come pay the citation
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with cash before you can leave.
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Okay, no problem. I'll call my
husband and he'll be right here.
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I get a phone call,
right? Like in the movies?
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- Let me see your hands.
- Wha?
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- Palms up.
- Oh, hand sanitizer.
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Right, right, right, right.
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Oh, come on, Bob.
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Kids, tell your dad to
come to my improv show
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and yell out "underpants."
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- I'll do it at your wedding.
- Sorry, Teddy, we're quietly
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and obediently doing our work,
like good children.
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But if you want some advice,
maybe just have fun with it?
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You think improv's supposed to be fun?!
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Sorry, sorry.
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Bob's Burgers. Oh, hi. What?
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You're kidding. Are you serious?
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Uh, okay, okay, let me look.
We might be a little short.
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But I'll go to the bank
and head right over.
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Oh, uh... I-I promise. I won't.
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L-Love you, too. Bye.
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That was, um, the
restaurant supply store.
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They called me personally
to say they're-they're having
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a half-off sale for the next 30 minutes.
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And you love them?
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- Yes, very much.
- Aw.
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So I'm gonna go check it out real fast
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and be back in time to take
you to your conferences.
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Kids, go upstairs and do your homework.
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00:07:05,598 --> 00:07:08,372
- Teddy, um, leave.
- Okay, fine.
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00:07:08,397 --> 00:07:10,033
But if you need someone
to shout "underpants"
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in a room full of ten or 11 people,
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don't come crawling to me, Bob.
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Okay, sounds good.
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Are you sure you don't
want us to stay here
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and do extra work, Dad,
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00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:19,587
with our sweet little hands?
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00:07:19,611 --> 00:07:21,237
Yeah, really get into it.
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00:07:21,262 --> 00:07:22,665
I don't know, maybe mop the ceiling?
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00:07:22,689 --> 00:07:24,352
No, that's-that's okay.
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00:07:24,377 --> 00:07:26,890
We could tackle that sticky
corner that we always avoid.
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So many hairs stuck there.
It looks like a little forest.
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I'm positive. Go upstairs
and I'll be right back
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00:07:31,981 --> 00:07:34,280
with all those restaurant
supplies I'm gonna get.
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00:07:34,305 --> 00:07:36,128
Your wish is our command, Papa.
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00:07:36,296 --> 00:07:38,939
Looks like there's no cleaning
our way out of this one.
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00:07:38,964 --> 00:07:41,133
And Mom's still out there,
angrily strutting around
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00:07:41,157 --> 00:07:43,060
thinking of God knows what to punish us.
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00:07:43,084 --> 00:07:45,302
And God's seen some pretty rough stuff.
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00:07:47,836 --> 00:07:48,967
So, uh, yeah, my husband
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00:07:48,992 --> 00:07:50,913
- will be here really soon.
- Mm-hmm.
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00:07:50,938 --> 00:07:53,034
And he'll bring the money
and we'll clear all this up.
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00:07:53,094 --> 00:07:54,956
- Uh-huh.
- He just has to stop at the bank.
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Sure. He sounds great and totally real.
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- He is real.
- You know what else is real? Toilets.
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00:08:00,652 --> 00:08:02,797
I know. I was looking for one.
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00:08:02,821 --> 00:08:04,156
Would it help if I showed you a picture
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00:08:04,180 --> 00:08:06,926
of what they look like? Toilet. Toilet.
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00:08:06,951 --> 00:08:09,469
That's the kind I have.
Oh, that's a nice one.
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00:08:09,494 --> 00:08:10,829
- That one's okay.
- Ugh.
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That one's dumb.
231
00:08:13,523 --> 00:08:15,056
What? Bank holiday?
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00:08:15,116 --> 00:08:17,704
I know, right? Another one?
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00:08:17,729 --> 00:08:20,713
They should just tell us the
days that aren't bank holidays.
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It'd be a shorter list.
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Well, at least the ATMs are open.
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00:08:23,849 --> 00:08:25,591
I know, but it's not the same.
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00:08:25,616 --> 00:08:28,537
- I like the human interaction.
- Why is my card not working?
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00:08:28,562 --> 00:08:31,021
Oh, it's all scratched
up. How did that happen?
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00:08:31,117 --> 00:08:33,133
Oh, right.
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00:08:33,158 --> 00:08:35,762
Get in there. Oh, ah...
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00:08:35,786 --> 00:08:37,397
- Is that my ATM card?
- Yeah.
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00:08:37,421 --> 00:08:39,843
I'm showing Gene and Tina
how they can open any door
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00:08:39,868 --> 00:08:41,400
with a simple credit card.
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00:08:41,425 --> 00:08:42,811
I'm not sure I need to know this.
245
00:08:42,835 --> 00:08:44,029
Then why did you sign up for
246
00:08:44,053 --> 00:08:45,848
Louise's Life Skills Workshop?
247
00:08:45,873 --> 00:08:48,482
I thought it would be more
about organizing my closet.
248
00:08:48,507 --> 00:08:50,777
I'm just here to
network. Hello, I'm Gene.
249
00:08:50,801 --> 00:08:52,037
What do you do for work?
250
00:08:52,061 --> 00:08:54,359
Oh, my God, I hate that workshop.
251
00:08:55,296 --> 00:08:57,417
Math, math, math. Oh, who can do math
252
00:08:57,441 --> 00:08:59,193
- at a time like this?!
- I know.
253
00:08:59,217 --> 00:09:00,629
I think we finally
pushed Mom over the edge.
254
00:09:00,653 --> 00:09:02,195
I'm scared of what she's gonna do to us.
255
00:09:02,238 --> 00:09:04,791
- It's gonna be bad.
- It's gonna be really bad.
256
00:09:04,815 --> 00:09:06,718
You think she's gonna ground
us through high school?
257
00:09:06,742 --> 00:09:09,423
What if she replaces our hands
and feet with mops and brooms,
258
00:09:09,448 --> 00:09:11,005
makes us clean all day long?
259
00:09:11,030 --> 00:09:12,724
What if she hires a gorilla to eat us?!
260
00:09:12,748 --> 00:09:14,342
I know they're
plant-eating, gentle giants,
261
00:09:14,366 --> 00:09:16,083
but everyone has their price!
262
00:09:16,108 --> 00:09:17,712
What if she says no TV?
263
00:09:17,737 --> 00:09:19,736
- Aah!
- Aah! I don't want that life!
264
00:09:19,761 --> 00:09:21,739
Hey, did you guys watch
that really great TV show
265
00:09:21,763 --> 00:09:24,829
- that was on the TV last night?
- LOUISE and GENE and TINA: No!
266
00:09:24,854 --> 00:09:26,934
Too bad. It was a
shared cultural moment.
267
00:09:26,959 --> 00:09:28,120
See you later.
268
00:09:28,144 --> 00:09:30,436
We can't let this happen!
269
00:09:30,674 --> 00:09:32,365
- Just the gum?
- Yes.
270
00:09:32,389 --> 00:09:34,501
So, you were sitting at
home, and you thought,
271
00:09:34,525 --> 00:09:36,307
"I need some gum, I'm
gonna get in the car
272
00:09:36,332 --> 00:09:38,432
and head over to the grocery store"?
273
00:09:38,457 --> 00:09:39,853
Uh... yeah.
274
00:09:39,878 --> 00:09:41,466
So can you just ring it up?
275
00:09:41,491 --> 00:09:43,301
Yep. Ringing up one gum.
276
00:09:43,326 --> 00:09:45,429
One gum for the man that only needs gum.
277
00:09:45,454 --> 00:09:47,120
Look, I'm kind of in a hurry.
278
00:09:47,145 --> 00:09:49,266
I-I came to cash a check
because the banks are closed
279
00:09:49,290 --> 00:09:50,675
and my ATM card isn't working.
280
00:09:50,699 --> 00:09:53,252
- Cash a check?
- Yeah. Like, if I write a check
281
00:09:53,277 --> 00:09:55,461
for $40 over the amount of my purchase,
282
00:09:55,612 --> 00:09:57,182
you give me the $40.
283
00:09:57,206 --> 00:09:59,399
Oh, no, I, uh, I know
what cashing a check means,
284
00:09:59,424 --> 00:10:01,409
- but we're not in the '80s anymore.
- What?
285
00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:04,689
Most stores stopped doing that
a long time ago, including ours.
286
00:10:04,714 --> 00:10:06,705
Well, there should be
a sign that says that.
287
00:10:06,730 --> 00:10:08,048
There is.
288
00:10:08,073 --> 00:10:10,119
- Damn it!
- You still want the gum?
289
00:10:10,144 --> 00:10:12,191
- Yes.
- That'll be $1.39.
290
00:10:12,216 --> 00:10:14,791
Uh, one dollar
291
00:10:14,816 --> 00:10:17,628
and 39 cents.
292
00:10:17,652 --> 00:10:19,485
This feels like time traveling.
293
00:10:19,510 --> 00:10:22,407
Crap. 40 minutes till parent-
teacher-student conferences.
294
00:10:22,432 --> 00:10:24,593
Oh, why can't we just have
lots of money lying around?
295
00:10:24,618 --> 00:10:26,785
Oh. Linda's secret
emergency money drawer.
296
00:10:26,810 --> 00:10:29,530
- Of course! I forgot.
- You know, the more I hear you,
297
00:10:29,555 --> 00:10:31,475
the more I feel like your
life doesn't make sense.
298
00:10:31,499 --> 00:10:33,752
But, uh, I'm just a normal person.
299
00:10:33,777 --> 00:10:35,143
Shush.
300
00:10:35,285 --> 00:10:36,979
I don't know what's taking him so long.
301
00:10:37,004 --> 00:10:38,315
He should have been here by now.
302
00:10:38,339 --> 00:10:39,988
Yeah, most people who exist
303
00:10:40,013 --> 00:10:41,267
would have been here by now.
304
00:10:41,292 --> 00:10:42,583
You know what? I have an idea.
305
00:10:42,608 --> 00:10:45,312
I'll go home, I'll get the money,
I'll come right back and pay you.
306
00:10:45,337 --> 00:10:47,182
No, no, that's not how this works.
307
00:10:47,207 --> 00:10:48,774
No, yeah, it's good, it's good.
308
00:10:48,799 --> 00:10:51,069
So should I just let
everyone out of jail?
309
00:10:51,093 --> 00:10:52,496
I'm sure they'll all come back, right?
310
00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:54,313
I mean, it's something to try.
311
00:10:54,338 --> 00:10:56,166
I'm gonna go, I'll be
right back. You'll see.
312
00:10:56,190 --> 00:10:57,857
You really should sit back down.
313
00:10:57,882 --> 00:11:00,730
If you walk out that door,
I'll be forced to detain you.
314
00:11:00,755 --> 00:11:02,838
More than I'm already detaining you.
315
00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:04,846
- But we're friends.
- Nope.
316
00:11:04,871 --> 00:11:07,831
Acquaintances? If I saw you
on the street, I'd say hi.
317
00:11:07,856 --> 00:11:11,174
- Ma'am, don't open that door.
- No, it's fine, it's fine.
318
00:11:11,921 --> 00:11:13,837
Oh, double poop.
319
00:11:17,494 --> 00:11:20,023
In case Mom really does
go crazy and says no TV,
320
00:11:20,082 --> 00:11:22,808
we should make a cardboard
decoy TV for the living room,
321
00:11:22,833 --> 00:11:24,631
and we'll put the real TV in my room.
322
00:11:24,656 --> 00:11:26,053
- Um, my room?
- My room.
323
00:11:26,078 --> 00:11:27,923
Okay, we'll put the TV
in the middle of the floor
324
00:11:27,947 --> 00:11:29,533
and let it come to who it likes best.
325
00:11:29,557 --> 00:11:31,034
Ah! Homework!
326
00:11:31,058 --> 00:11:32,593
Yeah, my hands are so sore
327
00:11:32,618 --> 00:11:34,321
from doing all this homework so well.
328
00:11:34,345 --> 00:11:37,287
And my butt is sore from
all of my homework farts.
329
00:11:37,312 --> 00:11:40,161
- Uh, uh-huh, uh-huh, great.
- Are you chewing gum?
330
00:11:40,186 --> 00:11:42,107
Since when do you have
gum we don't know about?
331
00:11:42,132 --> 00:11:44,310
Did you get anything good at
the restaurant supply store?
332
00:11:44,334 --> 00:11:45,666
Maybe some fun aprons?
333
00:11:45,691 --> 00:11:47,835
- Oh, um...
- Apron fashion show?
334
00:11:47,896 --> 00:11:49,874
First of all, even if I
did get some good aprons,
335
00:11:49,898 --> 00:11:52,817
you kids are in trouble,
so no apron fashion show.
336
00:11:52,842 --> 00:11:54,642
- Boo.
- And second of all, um,
337
00:11:54,667 --> 00:11:57,887
there wasn't anything good at
the store, so I got some gum
338
00:11:57,912 --> 00:11:59,514
to cheer myself up.
339
00:11:59,539 --> 00:12:01,820
And now I'm going into my
bedroom to get something,
340
00:12:01,845 --> 00:12:04,362
and I don't want you to follow me.
341
00:12:04,529 --> 00:12:06,991
I like new Gum Dad. He's in charge.
342
00:12:07,398 --> 00:12:08,801
You made a big mistake
343
00:12:08,825 --> 00:12:10,797
putting me in here, a big mistake.
344
00:12:10,822 --> 00:12:13,689
Pretty Woman big. Not that
I do Pretty Woman stuff.
345
00:12:13,714 --> 00:12:15,530
My lawyer's gonna be so mad!
346
00:12:15,555 --> 00:12:17,157
What's your lawyer's name?
347
00:12:17,182 --> 00:12:19,719
John Lawyer...ton.
348
00:12:19,744 --> 00:12:22,128
John Lawyerton. I've heard of him.
349
00:12:22,153 --> 00:12:23,321
- He's good.
- Oh.
350
00:12:23,346 --> 00:12:24,938
Oh, there's Sergeant Bosco.
351
00:12:24,963 --> 00:12:26,726
He'll vouch for me. You'll see.
352
00:12:26,751 --> 00:12:28,301
He knows I'm good for the money.
353
00:12:28,326 --> 00:12:30,693
- Sergeant Bosco!
- Linda Belcher?
354
00:12:30,956 --> 00:12:33,451
- What are you doing here?
- It's all a big misunderstanding.
355
00:12:33,475 --> 00:12:35,211
I was on a power walk and I got a ticket
356
00:12:35,235 --> 00:12:37,380
and I don't have my purse or any ID.
357
00:12:37,404 --> 00:12:39,049
Yeah? What'd you get a ticket for?
358
00:12:39,073 --> 00:12:42,209
Nothing. It was nothing.
It-it was no big deal.
359
00:12:42,234 --> 00:12:44,134
Public defecation.
360
00:12:44,159 --> 00:12:46,379
- Oh, dear Lord.
- No, no, please.
361
00:12:46,404 --> 00:12:47,889
It was the cayenne pepper.
362
00:12:47,914 --> 00:12:49,582
And maybe the flax, I don't know.
363
00:12:49,607 --> 00:12:52,142
Oh, but come on, Bosco, you know me.
364
00:12:52,167 --> 00:12:55,588
I thought I knew you. Public
poopers are just... ugh.
365
00:12:55,613 --> 00:12:58,665
I mean, this is a
society. There are rules.
366
00:12:58,690 --> 00:13:01,111
I know, I know. I say that all the time.
367
00:13:01,136 --> 00:13:04,073
- It's just the worst.
- Well, what about murderers?
368
00:13:04,098 --> 00:13:06,726
Well, murder is bad, too, but at least
369
00:13:06,751 --> 00:13:09,602
it's not pooping outside
like some kind of psycho.
370
00:13:09,627 --> 00:13:12,438
Sergeant Bosco, wait, come back.
371
00:13:12,463 --> 00:13:14,794
- It was an accident.
- That went well.
372
00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:18,302
Come on, secret emergency
money underwear drawer.
373
00:13:18,503 --> 00:13:20,924
Nothing. And so many
holes in the underwear.
374
00:13:20,948 --> 00:13:23,127
Why does she keep these?
375
00:13:23,151 --> 00:13:24,640
Are you looking for
Mom's secret cash stash?
376
00:13:24,665 --> 00:13:26,545
Hey. I told you not to follow me.
377
00:13:26,570 --> 00:13:28,214
You look like a
different guy from behind.
378
00:13:28,238 --> 00:13:29,454
Huh. What's this?
379
00:13:29,479 --> 00:13:31,749
"I.O.U. seven dollars. Love, Linda."
380
00:13:31,774 --> 00:13:33,414
Why would she write herself I.O.U.s?
381
00:13:33,439 --> 00:13:35,846
- Because she's honest.
- Dad, what's happening?
382
00:13:35,871 --> 00:13:37,255
Why do you need emergency money?
383
00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:39,820
And where's Mom? She should
be back by now. What's going on?
384
00:13:39,844 --> 00:13:41,930
Was Mom taken and you
need to pay her ransom?
385
00:13:41,955 --> 00:13:44,734
Should we call Liam Neeson?
Do we need some Neeson?
386
00:13:44,759 --> 00:13:48,275
I bet he drives a Nissan.
387
00:13:48,300 --> 00:13:50,533
Tina, kids, calm down.
Everything's okay.
388
00:13:50,558 --> 00:13:53,197
Bull-doody. Give us
some answers, old man.
389
00:13:53,222 --> 00:13:56,406
Okay, fine. While she was on her walk,
390
00:13:56,431 --> 00:13:59,726
your mom got a ticket, and
we have to go pay the ticket
391
00:13:59,751 --> 00:14:02,488
but I don't have enough cash
and the banks are all closed.
392
00:14:02,513 --> 00:14:04,134
- Mom got a ticket?
- Yes.
393
00:14:04,158 --> 00:14:06,109
It's just a ticket? So she's fine? Phew.
394
00:14:06,134 --> 00:14:08,134
Tina, I know this is
a little awkward, but...
395
00:14:08,159 --> 00:14:09,922
you don't have any
babysitting money, do you?
396
00:14:09,946 --> 00:14:12,642
Like, $18? I'll-I'll
pay you back tomorrow.
397
00:14:12,667 --> 00:14:14,500
With interest. 50%, I get half.
398
00:14:14,525 --> 00:14:16,503
- Tina, let's do this.
- I don't have any.
399
00:14:16,528 --> 00:14:18,384
I spent it all on Boys 4 Now perfume.
400
00:14:18,409 --> 00:14:21,041
Pituitary by Boyz 4 Now. It's nasty.
401
00:14:21,066 --> 00:14:24,135
I think I have an
idea of how to get some money.
402
00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:26,272
Wait a minute, what did
Mom get a ticket for?
403
00:14:26,296 --> 00:14:27,732
I promised her I wouldn't tell you.
404
00:14:27,756 --> 00:14:29,689
- Jaywalking?
- Walking way too loud?
405
00:14:29,714 --> 00:14:32,904
- Did her boob fall out again?
- No. Wait, her boob fell out?
406
00:14:32,928 --> 00:14:36,481
At the store once. She didn't
notice for a while. She's fun.
407
00:14:36,506 --> 00:14:37,876
- Was she trespassing?
- No.
408
00:14:37,900 --> 00:14:39,285
- Carjacking?
- No.
409
00:14:39,309 --> 00:14:41,309
Flap-jacking? It shouldn't be illegal.
410
00:14:41,344 --> 00:14:43,047
No, look, the reason she got a ticket
411
00:14:43,071 --> 00:14:45,657
was not that big of
a deal, but I promised
412
00:14:45,682 --> 00:14:47,760
- I wouldn't tell you.
- Why are we stopping here?
413
00:14:47,785 --> 00:14:49,596
Time to say goodbye to an old friend.
414
00:14:49,620 --> 00:14:51,518
Is that a panini maker?
415
00:14:51,543 --> 00:14:53,172
It's my CD player.
416
00:14:53,197 --> 00:14:54,859
It's the only thing that truly gets me.
417
00:14:54,884 --> 00:14:58,509
So as you can see,
it-it's in great condition.
418
00:14:58,534 --> 00:15:01,048
- Mm...
- I paid probably a lot for it.
419
00:15:01,073 --> 00:15:02,993
And it-it has the cassette thingy here
420
00:15:03,017 --> 00:15:04,703
that you plug into the dashboard,
421
00:15:04,727 --> 00:15:07,854
which is basically magic,
and the CD goes there.
422
00:15:07,879 --> 00:15:11,339
Oh, it has skip protection,
by the way, so rest easy.
423
00:15:11,364 --> 00:15:13,819
I-I could let it go for $40.
424
00:15:13,844 --> 00:15:16,547
- I'll give you five bucks for it.
- What? A-Are you crazy?
425
00:15:16,572 --> 00:15:18,865
CDs are coming back. I-In a big way.
426
00:15:18,890 --> 00:15:21,033
I'm young and hip and
I can vouch for that.
427
00:15:21,058 --> 00:15:23,180
So am I and so can I, daddio.
428
00:15:23,204 --> 00:15:24,686
Five bucks, take it or leave it.
429
00:15:24,747 --> 00:15:27,614
- $18? Final offer.
- Let me handle this, Dad.
430
00:15:27,639 --> 00:15:31,354
Hey. Give my dad $18 for
his old man music machine.
431
00:15:31,379 --> 00:15:33,190
I'd listen to her if I were you, mister.
432
00:15:33,214 --> 00:15:34,438
She seems loco.
433
00:15:34,463 --> 00:15:36,305
- No.
- Well, I tried.
434
00:15:36,575 --> 00:15:38,347
Okay, that didn't go great.
435
00:15:38,372 --> 00:15:40,255
But at least I didn't have to lose you.
436
00:15:40,279 --> 00:15:42,339
- To that mean man.
- What are we gonna do now?
437
00:15:42,364 --> 00:15:44,128
Well, your parent-
teacher-student conferences
438
00:15:44,153 --> 00:15:46,143
start in half an hour.
439
00:15:46,168 --> 00:15:47,895
I guess there's one
other thing we can do.
440
00:15:47,919 --> 00:15:49,719
- Tell us what Mom did?
- No.
441
00:15:49,744 --> 00:15:51,541
Hello, Teddy?
442
00:15:52,395 --> 00:15:53,777
I deserve this.
443
00:15:53,802 --> 00:15:55,882
I was supposed to be
getting fitty in my 40s
444
00:15:55,907 --> 00:15:58,231
but instead I got poopy in the park.
445
00:15:58,256 --> 00:16:00,134
I'm a bad person rule breaker.
446
00:16:00,194 --> 00:16:01,889
No wonder the kids all got detention.
447
00:16:01,994 --> 00:16:03,914
Look at what kind of example I set.
448
00:16:03,939 --> 00:16:06,019
They'll never respect
me again after this.
449
00:16:06,044 --> 00:16:07,780
They probably don't want to
come 'cause they won't be able
450
00:16:07,805 --> 00:16:09,944
to look me in my public pooping eyes.
451
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:12,020
That's why they're taking so long.
452
00:16:12,483 --> 00:16:14,517
- What are you in for?
- Attempted to sell drugs
453
00:16:14,542 --> 00:16:16,500
to a state trooper. You?
454
00:16:16,525 --> 00:16:19,038
- Public defecation.
- Oh.
455
00:16:22,663 --> 00:16:24,035
So, you need $18?
456
00:16:24,060 --> 00:16:26,104
- Yep.
- Is it okay if I only have a 20?
457
00:16:26,128 --> 00:16:28,179
Yeah, that's fine, Teddy. Thank you.
458
00:16:28,204 --> 00:16:29,814
Do you want to give me the
two dollars' change now,
459
00:16:29,839 --> 00:16:31,942
or just owe me the whole 20?
460
00:16:31,967 --> 00:16:33,753
I-I'll owe you 20, Teddy.
461
00:16:33,778 --> 00:16:35,664
I'm so sorry,
we're-we're in a big rush.
462
00:16:35,688 --> 00:16:36,966
I can't believe Linda got a ticket
463
00:16:36,990 --> 00:16:38,520
and you won't tell me what it's for.
464
00:16:38,545 --> 00:16:40,918
Probably flapjacking.
465
00:16:40,943 --> 00:16:43,694
He won't tell us, either. He's
keeping that mustache shut.
466
00:16:43,744 --> 00:16:45,410
Except to chew his precious gum.
467
00:16:45,435 --> 00:16:46,467
Oh, you got gum?
468
00:16:46,492 --> 00:16:48,607
Y-Yeah. Do-do you want a piece?
469
00:16:48,632 --> 00:16:50,259
I never say no to a piece of gum.
470
00:16:50,284 --> 00:16:52,514
Okay, uh, here you go. Now
if I could just get that...
471
00:16:52,538 --> 00:16:54,892
Maybe one for now, one for later?
472
00:16:54,916 --> 00:16:57,278
- Okay, fine. Here.
- Big night for me, too, I guess.
473
00:16:57,303 --> 00:16:59,155
- Mm-hmm. Uh-huh.
- I'm just bouncing off the walls.
474
00:16:59,179 --> 00:17:00,153
Going through scenarios,
475
00:17:00,177 --> 00:17:02,176
- Right.
- you know, pre-improvising.
476
00:17:02,201 --> 00:17:03,830
- Yep.
- Who knows. Who knows what
477
00:17:03,854 --> 00:17:04,968
the night holds, right, Bobby?
478
00:17:04,993 --> 00:17:07,247
- Mm-hmm.
- Ah. Maybe I'll think of some improvs,
479
00:17:07,272 --> 00:17:10,076
maybe I won't, maybe my
mind will just go blank.
480
00:17:10,101 --> 00:17:11,706
Okay, fine. Teddy, I'll come.
481
00:17:11,766 --> 00:17:13,264
I'll come and yell out "underpants."
482
00:17:13,289 --> 00:17:14,850
Oh, really? That's great.
483
00:17:14,875 --> 00:17:16,794
Because you weren't that into it before.
484
00:17:16,819 --> 00:17:18,632
Yeah, no, yeah.
It's-it's gonna be great.
485
00:17:18,657 --> 00:17:20,968
So, anyway, Teddy, we really have to go.
486
00:17:20,992 --> 00:17:23,336
We have parent-teacher-student
conferences in 20 minutes.
487
00:17:23,361 --> 00:17:25,978
Gosh, I-I'm just dying to know
what Linda's ticket was for.
488
00:17:26,003 --> 00:17:28,773
I bet it was something great
and the cops just misunderstood.
489
00:17:28,798 --> 00:17:30,551
Like stealing a cloud.
490
00:17:30,576 --> 00:17:32,617
It was for public pooping, okay?
491
00:17:32,642 --> 00:17:34,357
I mean, allegedly. I mean, not that.
492
00:17:34,381 --> 00:17:36,966
I was improvising.
Forget I said anything.
493
00:17:36,991 --> 00:17:39,324
I'm taking the 20. Bye.
494
00:17:39,349 --> 00:17:40,622
Wow.
495
00:17:40,753 --> 00:17:41,994
Mmm. Just chew it, Teddy.
496
00:17:42,019 --> 00:17:44,673
Don't swallow it. Damn it.
497
00:17:48,803 --> 00:17:50,039
Okay, you guys have to pretend
498
00:17:50,063 --> 00:17:51,579
I didn't tell you what your mom did.
499
00:17:51,604 --> 00:17:53,859
May-may or may not have done, I mean.
500
00:17:53,883 --> 00:17:55,712
Y-You have to erase
that from your minds.
501
00:17:55,737 --> 00:17:57,154
There are some things
your father tells you
502
00:17:57,178 --> 00:17:58,369
that you never forget.
503
00:17:58,394 --> 00:18:00,390
And "your mom got a ticket
for public defecation"
504
00:18:00,415 --> 00:18:01,939
is definitely one of them.
505
00:18:01,964 --> 00:18:03,843
I can't believe this and
I can't believe I learned
506
00:18:03,868 --> 00:18:05,536
a new word for poop today.
507
00:18:05,561 --> 00:18:07,038
Defecation, defecation, defecation...
508
00:18:07,062 --> 00:18:08,391
... defecation, defecation, defecation.
509
00:18:08,415 --> 00:18:10,373
Dead. They're all dead.
510
00:18:10,471 --> 00:18:14,949
Bob, Tina, Gene, Louise, dead.
511
00:18:15,389 --> 00:18:17,066
That's why they aren't gettin' me.
512
00:18:17,090 --> 00:18:19,170
I've got no one and
nothing in this world.
513
00:18:19,396 --> 00:18:20,551
I live here now.
514
00:18:20,576 --> 00:18:22,201
Can I, can I switch cells?
515
00:18:22,331 --> 00:18:25,532
Hi, we're here to pay the fine
for Linda Belcher. Here it is.
516
00:18:25,557 --> 00:18:26,797
In small bills.
517
00:18:26,822 --> 00:18:28,397
Great. Why is it wet?
518
00:18:28,618 --> 00:18:30,338
- Is that sweat?
- Probably.
519
00:18:30,449 --> 00:18:33,731
20, 25, 26...
520
00:18:33,947 --> 00:18:35,320
We're kind of in a hurry, so...
521
00:18:35,345 --> 00:18:37,141
Well, now I've lost my place.
522
00:18:37,166 --> 00:18:38,407
20, 25...
523
00:18:38,432 --> 00:18:40,010
It's just, we have the kids'
524
00:18:40,035 --> 00:18:41,513
parent-teacher-student
conferences,
525
00:18:41,538 --> 00:18:43,578
and we need to get to the school, so...
526
00:18:43,603 --> 00:18:46,742
- Oh, let me know how that goes.
- We got detention today.
527
00:18:46,767 --> 00:18:48,633
That's probably already in your system.
528
00:18:48,658 --> 00:18:50,135
I don't know if that's how it works.
529
00:18:50,159 --> 00:18:51,970
Yeah, we had a meeting
about it with the chief.
530
00:18:51,994 --> 00:18:53,181
Oh, God.
531
00:18:53,478 --> 00:18:55,331
Hi, honey. Sorry it
took so long to get here.
532
00:18:55,355 --> 00:18:58,333
There were, um, some, uh, money things.
533
00:18:58,358 --> 00:18:59,908
It's fine. Hi, kids.
534
00:19:00,001 --> 00:19:02,038
- Hi, Mom. - Hey, there.
- Hello, Mother.
535
00:19:02,063 --> 00:19:04,149
- You told them, didn't you?
- Told us what? - No.
536
00:19:04,173 --> 00:19:06,341
I don't even know what defecation is.
537
00:19:06,366 --> 00:19:07,675
Something you do at church?
538
00:19:07,700 --> 00:19:10,155
Yeah, sorry. And I told Teddy.
539
00:19:10,180 --> 00:19:12,180
And maybe a guy at the ATM.
540
00:19:12,205 --> 00:19:14,515
- I-I can't really remember.
- Okay, fine.
541
00:19:14,708 --> 00:19:16,537
I pooped in public and I got arrested.
542
00:19:16,705 --> 00:19:18,830
Not technically. You were detained.
543
00:19:18,855 --> 00:19:21,024
- She got detention.
- Thank you.
544
00:19:21,049 --> 00:19:23,525
So, newsflash: your
mom isn't perfect, okay?
545
00:19:23,550 --> 00:19:26,190
What made you think we
thought you were perfect?
546
00:19:26,215 --> 00:19:28,087
Yeah, you're a work in progress.
547
00:19:28,112 --> 00:19:30,400
Hey, we should really finish
this conversation i-in the car.
548
00:19:30,424 --> 00:19:32,052
Uh, the conferences
start in seven minutes.
549
00:19:32,076 --> 00:19:35,761
So we should leave jail and go do that.
550
00:19:35,821 --> 00:19:38,091
So you thought I was gonna say no TV?
551
00:19:38,116 --> 00:19:40,877
-Kind of?
-I would never. I'm not a monster.
552
00:19:40,902 --> 00:19:43,793
TV's almost my favorite
child. If I had a favorite.
553
00:19:43,957 --> 00:19:45,231
We do celebrate its birthday.
554
00:19:45,256 --> 00:19:46,975
And you thought we'd never respect you
555
00:19:46,999 --> 00:19:48,717
or listen to you again?
556
00:19:48,742 --> 00:19:51,053
Well, yeah. Why would
you, after all this?
557
00:19:51,078 --> 00:19:53,055
Are you serious? You did time.
558
00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:54,813
I respect you more than ever now.
559
00:19:54,838 --> 00:19:57,150
Yeah, you've changed, man. You got hard.
560
00:19:57,175 --> 00:19:59,361
And we also kind of don't
want to end up like you.
561
00:19:59,386 --> 00:20:00,864
So I...
562
00:20:00,888 --> 00:20:02,282
kind of scared you straight?
563
00:20:02,306 --> 00:20:04,042
- Damn straight.
- Well, then, good.
564
00:20:04,066 --> 00:20:05,794
- Okay, let's go in.
- Wait a sec. Listen.
565
00:20:05,818 --> 00:20:08,296
- We're already late.
- So we'll be a little late.
566
00:20:08,321 --> 00:20:10,053
Here's the thing: it is important
567
00:20:10,189 --> 00:20:12,011
for everyone to follow the rules.
568
00:20:12,036 --> 00:20:13,759
But sometimes we make mistakes.
569
00:20:13,784 --> 00:20:16,122
Some we can control,
like putting a hot dog
570
00:20:16,147 --> 00:20:18,389
in a pencil sharpener,
and some we can't.
571
00:20:18,414 --> 00:20:20,392
- Like clenching your sphynxter.
- "Sphincter."
572
00:20:20,416 --> 00:20:21,753
- What did I say?
- Never mind.
573
00:20:21,778 --> 00:20:23,096
But as long as we're trying,
574
00:20:23,121 --> 00:20:25,104
we'll all be okay, you know?
575
00:20:25,129 --> 00:20:27,456
- You pooped in a bush.
- Look at me.
576
00:20:27,481 --> 00:20:30,605
Any of you bring this up
inside of that school, ever,
577
00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:31,908
the TV goes in the ocean.
578
00:20:31,969 --> 00:20:34,072
- Got it.
- We won't, ever!
579
00:20:34,096 --> 00:20:36,900
- You, too, Bob.
- I'm so scared of you right now.
580
00:20:36,925 --> 00:20:39,486
Good. Now somebody get me a baby wipe.
581
00:20:39,510 --> 00:20:40,417
Okay.
582
00:20:40,442 --> 00:20:41,770
So we need a suggestion.
583
00:20:41,795 --> 00:20:42,795
Anything at all.
584
00:20:42,820 --> 00:20:44,641
- Underpants.
- Chicken wings.
585
00:20:44,665 --> 00:20:47,419
Oh, chicken wings. I got a
great story about chicken wings.
586
00:20:47,444 --> 00:20:49,795
I mean, i-it's a thing I'm
just coming up with now.
587
00:20:49,820 --> 00:20:51,924
- Okay, chicken wings.
- What?
588
00:20:51,948 --> 00:20:53,926
Ah, one order of chicken wings, please.
589
00:20:53,950 --> 00:20:55,783
Oh, my God.
590
00:20:55,934 --> 00:20:58,527
Uh, take it easy, sir.
Who brought this guy? Uh...
591
00:20:58,552 --> 00:21:02,767
♪ I started eating healthy but
it made me have to deuce now ♪
592
00:21:02,792 --> 00:21:07,532
♪ I tried to do it stealthy
but I landed in the hoosegow ♪
593
00:21:07,557 --> 00:21:09,941
♪ This song I'd like to dedicate ♪
594
00:21:09,966 --> 00:21:13,208
♪ To everyone who's defecate ♪
595
00:21:13,302 --> 00:21:15,797
♪ -ed in public ♪
596
00:21:15,821 --> 00:21:17,306
♪ Try to hold it, try to hold it ♪
597
00:21:17,330 --> 00:21:18,880
♪ Just as long as you can ♪
598
00:21:18,975 --> 00:21:20,285
♪ For there might be repercussions ♪
599
00:21:20,309 --> 00:21:22,217
♪ If you try to drop anchor ♪
600
00:21:22,242 --> 00:21:24,122
♪ Try to hold it, try to
hold it, try to hold it ♪
601
00:21:24,146 --> 00:21:26,241
♪ Try to hold it, try to
hold it, try to hold it ♪
602
00:21:26,265 --> 00:21:27,793
- ♪ Hold it, hold it in ♪
- ♪ I'm gonna make it ♪
603
00:21:27,961 --> 00:21:29,627
♪ I'm not gonna break it ♪
604
00:21:29,652 --> 00:21:31,772
♪ Gonna hold it, gonna
hold it, hold it in. ♪
605
00:21:31,821 --> 00:21:35,421
- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -
-- for www.addic7ed.com --