1 00:00:04,487 --> 00:00:09,487 - Synced and corrected by ChrisKe - -- for www.addic7ed.com -- 2 00:00:19,930 --> 00:00:23,015 Okay, uh, just get here as soon as you can, okay, Gayle? 3 00:00:23,040 --> 00:00:25,281 Oh, and by the way, Gene has the stomach flu 4 00:00:25,305 --> 00:00:27,232 and he's barfing and has crazy diarrhea, 5 00:00:27,256 --> 00:00:29,252 so he's spending Thanksgiving in the apartment bathroom 6 00:00:29,277 --> 00:00:31,277 and we all have to use the bathroom in the restaurant. 7 00:00:31,302 --> 00:00:33,789 What do you mean, "which Gene?" Our son Gene. 8 00:00:33,813 --> 00:00:35,458 The guy who you met at the bank that time? 9 00:00:35,482 --> 00:00:37,432 Why would Gene from the bank come to our dinner? 10 00:00:37,457 --> 00:00:39,578 Get out of here. All right, I'll see you soon. 11 00:00:39,602 --> 00:00:42,018 Well, news flash, I'm already tired of Gayle. 12 00:00:42,043 --> 00:00:44,026 Yeah, me, too. But she'd better hurry, 13 00:00:44,051 --> 00:00:47,213 because my roasted pear and Brie en croute appetizer 14 00:00:47,238 --> 00:00:49,088 is gonna be done in 20 minutes. 15 00:00:49,113 --> 00:00:50,518 Yeah. Uh-huh. Great. Yeah. 16 00:00:50,543 --> 00:00:52,151 You guys are, uh, excited about 17 00:00:52,176 --> 00:00:53,967 all the new, innovative menu stuff 18 00:00:53,991 --> 00:00:55,643 - I'm doing this year, right? - About what? 19 00:00:55,668 --> 00:00:58,010 My new, innovative Thanksgiving menu. 20 00:00:58,035 --> 00:01:00,075 Baked Brie and roasted pears appetizer, 21 00:01:00,112 --> 00:01:02,382 rosemary bread, sausage and chestnut stuffing, and... 22 00:01:02,406 --> 00:01:05,126 You know, I've been blogging about it all morning, Dad... 23 00:01:05,151 --> 00:01:07,021 - Yeah? - and, ooh, what's this, an e-mail? 24 00:01:07,045 --> 00:01:08,898 - Yeah? - I just got a book deal. 25 00:01:08,922 --> 00:01:10,596 Y-You got a book deal, from your blog? 26 00:01:10,621 --> 00:01:13,422 I got a book deal. They want to print the blog. 27 00:01:13,447 --> 00:01:15,417 I know that's an imaginary computer, but... 28 00:01:15,442 --> 00:01:16,832 can I see the e-mail? 29 00:01:16,857 --> 00:01:19,199 Oh, sorry. It's confidential. 30 00:01:19,224 --> 00:01:20,533 I really wish Gene wasn't sick. 31 00:01:20,558 --> 00:01:22,369 He was so excited about all this new food. 32 00:01:22,393 --> 00:01:25,928 Aw, poor Gene, getting stomach flu on Thanksgiving. 33 00:01:25,953 --> 00:01:28,000 Yeah, you're supposed to have a buffet, not a barf-et. 34 00:01:28,024 --> 00:01:30,044 Well, hopefully he's feeling a little better. 35 00:01:30,068 --> 00:01:32,010 I'm gonna go give him the sip test and find out. 36 00:01:32,035 --> 00:01:33,587 - Wish me luck. - Ooh, sip test. 37 00:01:33,612 --> 00:01:35,260 Now this is exciting. 38 00:01:35,285 --> 00:01:36,883 Sippee-ki-yay, mother-barfer. 39 00:01:36,908 --> 00:01:38,866 Well, I'm excited about you. 40 00:01:38,891 --> 00:01:42,182 And we're excited about you, old man. 41 00:01:42,207 --> 00:01:44,407 Wait, why'd you call me old? 42 00:01:44,432 --> 00:01:48,095 Sorry, it's just, uh, it was a fun nickname. 43 00:01:48,119 --> 00:01:51,357 Hi. How's my little barfy baby boy? 44 00:01:51,381 --> 00:01:52,381 Oh. I'm great. 45 00:01:52,406 --> 00:01:54,049 Ooh, I love the eye shadow. 46 00:01:54,074 --> 00:01:55,509 Yeah, I was bored and I found 47 00:01:55,534 --> 00:01:57,087 some old makeup in the medicine cabinet. 48 00:01:57,111 --> 00:01:59,198 I also found some old medicine, but I'm gonna sell it. 49 00:01:59,222 --> 00:02:01,866 - That's a great plan. - Also, I wrote a song. 50 00:02:01,891 --> 00:02:04,725 ♪ Turkey, I need you beside me ♪ 51 00:02:04,750 --> 00:02:07,873 ♪ I need all of you, I need your breast and thigh meat ♪ 52 00:02:07,897 --> 00:02:10,156 ♪ And what's that hiding in your hole? ♪ 53 00:02:10,181 --> 00:02:12,633 ♪ Some stuffing for my heart and soul ♪ 54 00:02:12,658 --> 00:02:14,810 ♪ I could still be a winner ♪ 55 00:02:14,904 --> 00:02:18,388 ♪ When I eat Dad's Thanksgiving dinner. ♪ 56 00:02:18,449 --> 00:02:20,110 That was beautiful, Gene! 57 00:02:20,134 --> 00:02:22,938 - Thank you, Father. - Okay, it's time for the test. 58 00:02:22,963 --> 00:02:24,280 You know the drill. 59 00:02:24,305 --> 00:02:26,174 If you can keep some crackers and ginger ale down 60 00:02:26,198 --> 00:02:28,657 for 30 minutes without barfing or juicy-pooping, 61 00:02:28,682 --> 00:02:31,087 you can come out for Thanksgiving dinner, okay? 62 00:02:31,112 --> 00:02:33,180 If not, you got to stay in here, honey. 63 00:02:33,205 --> 00:02:34,900 This apartment's too small for anyone 64 00:02:34,924 --> 00:02:36,810 with the stomach flu to be mingling. 65 00:02:36,834 --> 00:02:38,404 It's our system and it works. 66 00:02:38,428 --> 00:02:40,928 I bet he barfs in ten minutes. Should we do a pool? 67 00:02:40,953 --> 00:02:43,651 I am not gonna barf again. I'm feeling great. 68 00:02:43,791 --> 00:02:45,528 I'm eating. Mmm, mmm. 69 00:02:45,553 --> 00:02:47,403 I'm drinking... 70 00:02:47,428 --> 00:02:49,081 And see? I'm fine. 71 00:02:50,481 --> 00:02:52,089 It's coming out both ways again! 72 00:02:52,114 --> 00:02:54,822 Oh, God, I got to sit down... No, I got to stand up. 73 00:02:54,968 --> 00:02:57,571 I'm so sorry, Gene, 74 00:02:57,596 --> 00:03:00,385 but no Thanksgiving dinner for you today, baby. 75 00:03:00,410 --> 00:03:02,877 That wasn't me. That was a pigeon that flew in here. 76 00:03:02,902 --> 00:03:05,097 He seems very sick. I can come to dinner. 77 00:03:05,121 --> 00:03:07,637 I'm fine... 78 00:03:08,379 --> 00:03:10,699 Here we go. Brie and roasted pears. 79 00:03:10,724 --> 00:03:13,679 Oh, I can't eat this. I'm lactose intolerant, Bob. 80 00:03:13,704 --> 00:03:15,521 You know a psychic told me that. 81 00:03:15,546 --> 00:03:17,930 Yeah, Dad, you know a psychic said that! 82 00:03:17,955 --> 00:03:21,299 Uh, I guess you could just pick the pears out and eat those. 83 00:03:21,324 --> 00:03:24,471 The recipe called for apples, but I used pears. 84 00:03:24,496 --> 00:03:26,619 So bold. 85 00:03:26,644 --> 00:03:29,788 Oh, my God. My ghost Devin must have followed me here. 86 00:03:29,812 --> 00:03:32,462 - He's obsessed with me. - That's not a ghost, Gayle. 87 00:03:32,487 --> 00:03:34,801 - It's Gene. - Girls, go check on him. 88 00:03:35,342 --> 00:03:38,197 You doing okay in there? How's the barf biz? 89 00:03:38,222 --> 00:03:39,690 I think I pooped out the part 90 00:03:39,714 --> 00:03:41,300 of my brain that knew everything that was happening 91 00:03:41,324 --> 00:03:44,166 - on The Kominsky Method. - Whoa. That's most of his brain. 92 00:03:44,191 --> 00:03:47,315 Wait. Do I smell warm cheese? 93 00:03:47,340 --> 00:03:49,580 Do you guys have Dad's hot Brie out there? 94 00:03:49,605 --> 00:03:51,291 - No. - Ugh! It's bad enough 95 00:03:51,316 --> 00:03:53,336 I have to smell the rosemary bread baking in the oven. 96 00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:56,043 I can't believe I'm missing the best food day of the year! 97 00:03:56,068 --> 00:03:57,222 It's not fair! 98 00:03:57,247 --> 00:03:58,558 Is there anything we can do for you? 99 00:03:58,583 --> 00:04:00,249 Do you want us to do a dance? 100 00:04:00,274 --> 00:04:02,668 Uh, I-I mean, we could do it and then describe it to you? 101 00:04:02,714 --> 00:04:05,343 Tell me a story. Take my mind off this agony. 102 00:04:05,368 --> 00:04:07,558 - What kind of story? - A story about anything 103 00:04:07,583 --> 00:04:08,691 other than food. 104 00:04:08,707 --> 00:04:11,518 Wait, no. Make me hate food. 105 00:04:11,543 --> 00:04:13,947 -Okay, okay. You want to hate food? -Yeah. 106 00:04:13,972 --> 00:04:16,765 I'll make food wish it'd never been born. 107 00:04:16,790 --> 00:04:19,652 So, it was Thanksgiving Day, 1987. 108 00:04:19,676 --> 00:04:21,971 But inside the chopper of the elite special forces unit 109 00:04:21,996 --> 00:04:23,947 led by Gene "Dutch Oven" Belcher, 110 00:04:23,972 --> 00:04:25,497 no one was celebrating. 111 00:04:25,635 --> 00:04:28,627 The Melted Butter River. Beautiful but deadly. 112 00:04:28,652 --> 00:04:31,205 - What? - I said "The Melted Butter... " 113 00:04:31,230 --> 00:04:33,507 I can't hear you. The helicopter's too loud! 114 00:04:33,532 --> 00:04:35,233 - What? - Huh? - What? 115 00:04:35,258 --> 00:04:37,363 - Never mind. - What? 116 00:04:39,668 --> 00:04:41,080 Welcome to the jungle. 117 00:04:41,105 --> 00:04:42,815 Like in the song. 118 00:04:42,840 --> 00:04:44,863 Come on, follow me. Let's move. 119 00:04:45,153 --> 00:04:46,669 All right, here's the deal. 120 00:04:46,694 --> 00:04:48,551 The cabinet minister went across the border 121 00:04:48,576 --> 00:04:50,613 on some kind of mission that I'm not gonna explain right now 122 00:04:50,638 --> 00:04:52,808 'cause it really... it was just to set the plot in motion. 123 00:04:52,833 --> 00:04:54,769 - Right. - Anyways, lot of action in the 124 00:04:54,794 --> 00:04:56,105 Wheat Jungle this time of year. 125 00:04:56,130 --> 00:04:58,175 People smuggling wheat to make fresh rosemary bread 126 00:04:58,199 --> 00:04:59,365 for Thanksgiving dinner. 127 00:04:59,390 --> 00:05:01,177 Thanksgiving dinner? I never eat it, 128 00:05:01,202 --> 00:05:02,610 because I don't thank the world. 129 00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:04,020 - It thanks you... - It thanks me... 130 00:05:04,045 --> 00:05:05,356 For saving it. 131 00:05:05,381 --> 00:05:08,151 Well, if it isn't old Dutch Oven. 132 00:05:08,176 --> 00:05:10,433 If you smelt it, you know I dealt it. 133 00:05:10,458 --> 00:05:12,090 Sorry I'm so strong. 134 00:05:12,115 --> 00:05:14,213 Sorry I'm so strong. 135 00:05:14,238 --> 00:05:17,004 But even Dutch Oven wasn't ready for what was about to happen. 136 00:05:17,029 --> 00:05:19,761 Because waiting for them out there in the wheat trees... 137 00:05:19,786 --> 00:05:21,519 Wait. Wheat doesn't actually grow on trees, it grows... 138 00:05:21,544 --> 00:05:23,051 - Oh, my God, Tina. - Oh, oh, okay. 139 00:05:23,076 --> 00:05:24,577 I was just getting to the exciting part. 140 00:05:24,601 --> 00:05:26,129 Uh, plus, I'm pretty sure wheat 141 00:05:26,153 --> 00:05:27,908 - grows on trees. - Correct, Gene. 142 00:05:27,933 --> 00:05:29,301 Like I said, 143 00:05:29,326 --> 00:05:31,824 waiting for them out there was the most terrifying creature 144 00:05:31,849 --> 00:05:35,326 that special effects could make in the year 1987... 145 00:05:36,872 --> 00:05:38,706 the Bread-ator. 146 00:05:41,633 --> 00:05:44,590 So, Bread-ator. It's like Predator, but made of bread? 147 00:05:44,615 --> 00:05:46,972 Yes, exactly. And Gene is going to hate bread 148 00:05:46,997 --> 00:05:48,674 by the time the story is over. 149 00:05:49,707 --> 00:05:51,760 That helicopter is all messed up. 150 00:05:51,785 --> 00:05:53,630 And the whole crew is gone. 151 00:05:53,654 --> 00:05:55,627 Yeah, maybe they went to go look for snacks. 152 00:05:55,652 --> 00:05:57,738 Or they became snacks. 153 00:05:58,446 --> 00:06:00,401 Mother of Mindy. 154 00:06:00,426 --> 00:06:03,089 That's the cabinet minister and his security detail. 155 00:06:03,114 --> 00:06:05,083 - Are they dead? - No. They're breathing. 156 00:06:05,107 --> 00:06:07,371 But it looks like they've been turned into human carbs. 157 00:06:07,396 --> 00:06:09,304 Hey! What are you doing on my turf? 158 00:06:09,328 --> 00:06:11,644 There must have been a mi-mi-mi-mix-up. 159 00:06:11,669 --> 00:06:13,386 - Gayle, take their weapons. - Okay. 160 00:06:13,411 --> 00:06:15,449 - Who are these guys? - Just some local smugglers. 161 00:06:15,474 --> 00:06:16,640 Let me do the talking. 162 00:06:16,665 --> 00:06:18,808 Look, Linda, we're not here for you. 163 00:06:18,833 --> 00:06:21,379 Got a couple of our guys turned into freaky-flaky pastries 164 00:06:21,404 --> 00:06:22,754 by some kind of psycho. 165 00:06:22,779 --> 00:06:24,317 So just let us go so we can find 166 00:06:24,342 --> 00:06:26,278 - whoever did this. - Wowzers. 167 00:06:26,303 --> 00:06:28,223 Those are some creepy croissants. 168 00:06:30,402 --> 00:06:32,026 They got twisted up. 169 00:06:32,050 --> 00:06:34,112 The Bread-ator started firing huge globs 170 00:06:34,136 --> 00:06:35,668 of unbaked dough at the squadron, 171 00:06:35,693 --> 00:06:37,982 but it could make itself invisible so they couldn't see 172 00:06:38,006 --> 00:06:40,046 - the monster as it attacked. - Take cover! 173 00:06:41,624 --> 00:06:43,324 I'll load the Bun Blaster! 174 00:06:44,238 --> 00:06:47,467 - Who's firing at us? - Not "who." "What." Look. 175 00:06:47,491 --> 00:06:50,261 Oh, I got 'em! 176 00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:51,680 Get down! 177 00:06:51,704 --> 00:06:54,348 No... ! 178 00:06:54,373 --> 00:06:56,476 - Better bread than dead. - Hey, this one can talk. 179 00:06:56,500 --> 00:06:59,075 Wounding that thing must've made it less powerful. 180 00:06:59,100 --> 00:07:00,210 Oh, my face! 181 00:07:00,235 --> 00:07:01,451 Oh, no. 182 00:07:01,476 --> 00:07:04,058 Ow! Ow, ow, ow, ow. 183 00:07:04,082 --> 00:07:05,819 - We got to go after it. - No, no. 184 00:07:05,843 --> 00:07:08,604 We've got too many people turned into bread products already. 185 00:07:08,629 --> 00:07:10,323 I need you to go back to the camp on foot 186 00:07:10,347 --> 00:07:12,350 and come back here with a chopper and some Saran Wrap 187 00:07:12,374 --> 00:07:14,494 so we can keep our friends from going stale. 188 00:07:14,518 --> 00:07:15,886 What about the monster? 189 00:07:15,911 --> 00:07:17,946 That dough-boy is about to step into the oven. 190 00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:19,666 The Dutch Oven. 191 00:07:19,690 --> 00:07:22,558 - Ah, what a cool thing to say. - I know. Now go. 192 00:07:23,308 --> 00:07:24,860 Ooh. I look good. 193 00:07:24,885 --> 00:07:26,285 I'm just gonna eat one of me. 194 00:07:26,310 --> 00:07:29,198 - Hey. Get back here. - Don't eat me. I'm you, stupid. 195 00:07:29,715 --> 00:07:31,219 Dutch Oven tracks the Bread-atr 196 00:07:31,243 --> 00:07:33,071 along the edge of the Melted Butter River. 197 00:07:33,095 --> 00:07:34,705 And then it attacks him and they do 198 00:07:34,729 --> 00:07:37,309 the classic action movie roll-around fight. 199 00:07:37,334 --> 00:07:39,301 And then Dutch falls into the river... 200 00:07:40,193 --> 00:07:41,521 and tumbles over the butterfall. 201 00:07:41,545 --> 00:07:44,762 Oh, no, I'm tumbling over the butterfall! 202 00:07:46,494 --> 00:07:47,707 - Ugh. - And when Dutch Oven 203 00:07:47,732 --> 00:07:50,005 crawled up on shore coated in butter, 204 00:07:50,030 --> 00:07:52,739 he made a surprising discovery. 205 00:08:00,476 --> 00:08:02,735 It can't see me when I'm coated in butter. 206 00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:04,604 How convenient. 207 00:08:04,629 --> 00:08:07,263 I can't believe it is butter. 208 00:08:09,206 --> 00:08:12,065 Time to carbo-load. 209 00:08:28,559 --> 00:08:31,637 Your bread is buttered. 210 00:08:33,473 --> 00:08:36,840 Goodbye, gluten mutant. You're toast. 211 00:08:36,865 --> 00:08:38,787 - What a cool thing to say. - Thank you. 212 00:08:38,811 --> 00:08:40,738 Let's go pick up our bakery order. 213 00:08:40,763 --> 00:08:42,512 I... don't get it. 214 00:08:42,537 --> 00:08:44,612 Go pick up our friends who turned into bread. 215 00:08:44,637 --> 00:08:47,253 Got it, got it. That is also a very cool thing to say. 216 00:08:47,278 --> 00:08:49,582 - Oh, I know. - I'm really sorry I ruined it. 217 00:08:49,607 --> 00:08:51,082 You did, but it's fine. 218 00:08:51,448 --> 00:08:53,260 And that was the end. Until the sequel. 219 00:08:53,284 --> 00:08:54,594 So do you hate bread now? 220 00:08:54,618 --> 00:08:55,986 Mm, maybe a little, 221 00:08:56,011 --> 00:08:57,547 but I still love every other food. 222 00:08:57,571 --> 00:08:59,099 - And probably still bread. - Guys, I need you 223 00:08:59,123 --> 00:09:01,838 - to set the table. - Oh, unfortunately, 224 00:09:01,863 --> 00:09:04,651 my story didn't make Gene completely hate food. 225 00:09:04,676 --> 00:09:07,537 Now Tina needs to tell him a story where food is the enemy. 226 00:09:07,562 --> 00:09:09,943 And also, I need to be here in case her glasses fall off. 227 00:09:09,967 --> 00:09:12,116 - Oh, no. I can't see. - I got them. 228 00:09:12,141 --> 00:09:15,395 Uh, okay. Wait, why is food the enemy? 229 00:09:15,420 --> 00:09:17,942 Because if I can't love it, I have to hate it, Father. 230 00:09:17,966 --> 00:09:20,534 So, I guess I'll set the table, then? 231 00:09:20,559 --> 00:09:23,219 - Seems like the best plan. - Just have fun with it. 232 00:09:23,244 --> 00:09:24,821 So Tina, what's your story about? 233 00:09:24,846 --> 00:09:25,934 Oh, um... 234 00:09:25,974 --> 00:09:28,801 My story is about pears. 235 00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:31,798 You think pears are just a fruit that Gene might like to eat. 236 00:09:31,822 --> 00:09:35,969 But he wouldn't, because pears can be very, very dangerous. 237 00:09:36,340 --> 00:09:40,432 The year was 1997, and President Gene Harrison-Ford Belcher 238 00:09:40,457 --> 00:09:42,862 was giving an important speech in a foreign land. 239 00:09:42,887 --> 00:09:44,218 Apple-achia. 240 00:09:44,242 --> 00:09:46,795 And I thank the people of Apple-achia for welcoming me 241 00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:49,648 to their beautiful country and allowing me to eat 242 00:09:49,673 --> 00:09:51,318 your many varieties. 243 00:09:51,342 --> 00:09:52,899 The United States hopes to have 244 00:09:52,924 --> 00:09:55,713 a long and fruitful relationship with you. 245 00:09:55,738 --> 00:09:57,237 Pause for laughter. 246 00:09:57,297 --> 00:09:59,159 He's gonna eat us and I like it. 247 00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:01,850 Wait, they want to be eaten? 248 00:10:01,875 --> 00:10:03,323 - Yeah. They want to be eaten. - Okay. 249 00:10:03,348 --> 00:10:04,877 No further questions, then. 250 00:10:04,902 --> 00:10:07,724 Gene President Harrison-Ford Belcher out. 251 00:10:07,749 --> 00:10:10,879 But there was one table in the room who wasn't very happy. 252 00:10:10,903 --> 00:10:13,465 The delegation from Pear-is. 253 00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:15,507 Later, President Gene Harrison-Ford Belcher 254 00:10:15,532 --> 00:10:17,344 was on his way back to Air Force One. 255 00:10:17,368 --> 00:10:19,179 Sir, just wanted to remind you that the delegation 256 00:10:19,203 --> 00:10:22,159 from Pear-is will be aboard your plane, 257 00:10:22,184 --> 00:10:23,666 and they'd like to try to convince you 258 00:10:23,690 --> 00:10:25,760 that pears are just as delicious as apples. 259 00:10:25,784 --> 00:10:27,187 Okay, but mostly I just want to catch up 260 00:10:27,211 --> 00:10:29,385 on The Kominsky Method and see my wife. 261 00:10:29,410 --> 00:10:32,252 Of course, sir. We have all the episodes streaming on VHS 262 00:10:32,277 --> 00:10:33,940 because it's 1997. 263 00:10:33,965 --> 00:10:36,916 Hi. Welcome to Air Force One or whatever. 264 00:10:36,941 --> 00:10:38,752 Can we get a tour of the entire plane? 265 00:10:38,777 --> 00:10:40,608 Yeah, we don't want to do anything weird on it 266 00:10:40,632 --> 00:10:43,119 or anything, we just, uh, want to know 267 00:10:43,144 --> 00:10:45,228 where all the security and stuff is. 268 00:10:45,253 --> 00:10:49,042 Okay. I'm not suspicious of you at all. 269 00:10:49,066 --> 00:10:50,860 Bye-bye, Apples. 270 00:10:51,176 --> 00:10:54,046 Hello, Chief of Staff Gayle and Chief of Cats Mr. Business. 271 00:10:54,071 --> 00:10:57,166 Let's get my derriere in the airy-air. 272 00:10:57,191 --> 00:10:58,316 Right away, sir. 273 00:10:58,341 --> 00:11:00,621 Your wife is waiting for you in your office, sir. 274 00:11:01,394 --> 00:11:03,096 - Hey, Gene. - Nah. 275 00:11:03,121 --> 00:11:04,616 I don't want to be married to Courtney. 276 00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:07,174 - Oh, okay, um, Tammy. - I'll take Mom. 277 00:11:07,199 --> 00:11:08,785 Oh, um, that's a little... 278 00:11:08,810 --> 00:11:10,713 I am sick and I get what I want! 279 00:11:10,738 --> 00:11:11,939 May you continue? 280 00:11:12,091 --> 00:11:13,957 Hello, President Husband. 281 00:11:13,982 --> 00:11:15,810 So President Gene Harrison-Ford Belcher 282 00:11:15,834 --> 00:11:18,299 and his wife, Mom, buckled their seat belts for takeoff. 283 00:11:18,324 --> 00:11:20,385 Well, I hope nothing goes wrong on this flight. 284 00:11:20,410 --> 00:11:21,557 I'm sure it won't. 285 00:11:21,581 --> 00:11:23,659 Nothing ever goes wrong on Air Force One. 286 00:11:23,684 --> 00:11:25,555 Attention, everybody! 287 00:11:25,661 --> 00:11:27,455 We have taken over this plane in order to prove 288 00:11:27,479 --> 00:11:29,749 that pears are just as delicious as apples. 289 00:11:29,795 --> 00:11:32,296 And we're gonna do that by taking your president hostage! 290 00:11:32,467 --> 00:11:34,145 You'll see, it's a pretty good plan. 291 00:11:34,169 --> 00:11:36,002 - You want to say anything? - Uh, yeah. 292 00:11:36,027 --> 00:11:38,815 We're changing the call sign of this plane 293 00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:40,973 to Pear Force One. 294 00:11:43,845 --> 00:11:47,354 I said the plane is now Pear Force One. 295 00:11:47,379 --> 00:11:48,699 You know, 'cause we're pears. 296 00:11:48,724 --> 00:11:50,449 What are you holding? 297 00:11:50,474 --> 00:11:51,770 They're fruit peelers. 298 00:11:51,795 --> 00:11:53,465 You know what happens if we use them on you. 299 00:11:53,490 --> 00:11:54,629 Our skin comes off? 300 00:11:54,654 --> 00:11:56,152 Worse... your clothes come off! 301 00:11:56,177 --> 00:11:57,340 You'll be completely naked! 302 00:11:57,365 --> 00:12:00,734 W-Wait, Tina, Gene asked for "foods," not "nudes." 303 00:12:00,759 --> 00:12:02,840 Just keep it PG-Flirteen, huh? 304 00:12:02,865 --> 00:12:04,843 Sir, the pears have hijacked the plane. 305 00:12:04,868 --> 00:12:06,738 We need to get you down to the escape pod. 306 00:12:06,768 --> 00:12:09,184 Uh, hello, what about me, his wife? 307 00:12:09,209 --> 00:12:12,021 Sorry, ma'am, wives have to stay on board and possibly be killed. 308 00:12:12,046 --> 00:12:14,289 Aw, poop. Pears! 309 00:12:14,314 --> 00:12:17,457 - You're our hostage now. - And our best friend? 310 00:12:17,579 --> 00:12:20,789 Get in the escape pod, sir. The country needs you alive. 311 00:12:22,990 --> 00:12:24,924 Ms. Vice President Courtney Glenn-Close Wheeler? 312 00:12:24,949 --> 00:12:26,199 - Yeah? - We need to get you down 313 00:12:26,224 --> 00:12:27,215 to the Situation Room. 314 00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:29,082 - No. - What? No, please do. 315 00:12:29,107 --> 00:12:30,806 - Okay. - All right, thank you for working with me. 316 00:12:30,831 --> 00:12:33,621 Is President Gene Harrison-Ford Belcher secure yet? 317 00:12:33,646 --> 00:12:36,177 Not yet, and we've just received a message from the pears. 318 00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:38,480 They're gonna peel off the clothes of one hostage 319 00:12:38,505 --> 00:12:40,793 every 15 minutes until everyone in America 320 00:12:40,817 --> 00:12:43,133 starts eating pears as much as they eat apples. 321 00:12:44,116 --> 00:12:45,798 And there are a lot of people on that plane 322 00:12:45,822 --> 00:12:47,145 who might get their clothes peeled off... 323 00:12:47,170 --> 00:12:48,916 The Boyz 4 Now, a young Hugh Grant, 324 00:12:48,941 --> 00:12:50,827 old Hugh Grant, all three Property Brothers, 325 00:12:50,851 --> 00:12:53,238 even the one who doesn't do property stuff. 326 00:12:53,263 --> 00:12:55,389 -Tina! -Sorry, sorry, sorry. Uh, meanwhile... 327 00:12:55,414 --> 00:12:57,121 the president's escape pod landed. 328 00:12:59,933 --> 00:13:01,803 President Gene Harrison-Ford Belcher 329 00:13:01,828 --> 00:13:02,965 didn't do escape pods. 330 00:13:02,990 --> 00:13:05,133 He wasn't in the Army, the Navy, the CIA 331 00:13:05,157 --> 00:13:07,357 and the Girl Scouts just to give up that easily. 332 00:13:07,382 --> 00:13:09,703 Get me Vice President Courtney Glenn-Close Wheeler. 333 00:13:09,728 --> 00:13:12,645 Mr. President, I understand. Be careful. 334 00:13:12,670 --> 00:13:14,663 No, I'll be pear-ful. 335 00:13:14,688 --> 00:13:16,288 What? 336 00:13:21,181 --> 00:13:22,858 Uh, hey, pear guys, 337 00:13:22,883 --> 00:13:25,080 um, you know what, I don't even like apples. 338 00:13:25,105 --> 00:13:27,880 Stop trying to cozy up to us, Mrs. President's Wife Mom. 339 00:13:27,905 --> 00:13:29,938 It's time to give this fruit the boot. 340 00:13:32,278 --> 00:13:34,403 Hey, you made my friend nude! 341 00:13:34,428 --> 00:13:36,095 - So nude. - Oh, no. 342 00:13:36,155 --> 00:13:37,349 Wait, so... 343 00:13:37,373 --> 00:13:39,184 fruits are naked under their peels? 344 00:13:39,209 --> 00:13:41,724 - Yeah, their peels are like their clothes. - Got it. 345 00:13:43,351 --> 00:13:44,608 Ah, now I'm nude, too! 346 00:13:44,633 --> 00:13:46,265 Don't look at my little Bartlett butt-let! 347 00:13:46,290 --> 00:13:47,734 - Tina! - Yep, yep, moving on. 348 00:13:47,758 --> 00:13:50,033 Everybody find something to hold on to! 349 00:13:50,058 --> 00:13:52,258 'Cause I'm about to make fruit salad. 350 00:13:52,283 --> 00:13:54,608 - Get off my plane! - Do what now? 351 00:13:54,632 --> 00:13:56,451 Get off my plane! 352 00:13:56,475 --> 00:13:57,540 Owie! 353 00:13:57,565 --> 00:13:59,595 - Get off my plane! - Okay! 354 00:13:59,620 --> 00:14:01,729 - Get off my plane. - This is your plane? 355 00:14:02,999 --> 00:14:04,832 Husband, you saved us! 356 00:14:04,857 --> 00:14:05,849 Yeah, I did. 357 00:14:05,874 --> 00:14:07,920 Now give me a big old... 358 00:14:08,193 --> 00:14:10,474 Oh, no! They must've sabotaged the engine! 359 00:14:10,499 --> 00:14:12,408 - We're gonna crash! - We're doomed. 360 00:14:12,432 --> 00:14:14,887 Not yet we aren't. Give me my presidential stapler. 361 00:14:15,764 --> 00:14:17,245 And President Gene Harrison-Ford Belcher 362 00:14:17,270 --> 00:14:19,706 climbed onto the top of the plane, which was easy 363 00:14:19,731 --> 00:14:20,893 for him because of his Girl Scout training, 364 00:14:20,917 --> 00:14:22,750 unfurled the pear-achute, 365 00:14:22,825 --> 00:14:24,634 and the plane landed safely. 366 00:14:24,945 --> 00:14:27,015 From this day forward, no one will eat pears, 367 00:14:27,039 --> 00:14:28,422 especially not on Thanksgiving. 368 00:14:28,514 --> 00:14:30,490 And my mom is my wife! Go USA! 369 00:14:30,515 --> 00:14:32,302 - The end. - Thank you, Tina. 370 00:14:32,327 --> 00:14:34,688 Great story and it kind of made me hate pears, 371 00:14:34,713 --> 00:14:36,742 but I would still murder both of you for a single bite 372 00:14:36,766 --> 00:14:38,434 of that Brie, I swear to God I would. 373 00:14:38,458 --> 00:14:40,100 I know, Gene, I know. 374 00:14:40,252 --> 00:14:42,105 Just gonna grab the wine and, oh, 375 00:14:42,129 --> 00:14:44,490 I forgot to throw this old chicken Parmesan out. 376 00:14:44,515 --> 00:14:46,792 Oh. Oh, no. Gene. 377 00:14:46,817 --> 00:14:48,753 Oh, boy. Uh... 378 00:14:48,778 --> 00:14:51,496 Hey, everybody, uh, uh, come in for dinner. 379 00:14:51,521 --> 00:14:54,551 Uch! Turkey again? You make this every year. 380 00:14:54,576 --> 00:14:57,137 Yes, Gayle, it's-it's Thanksgiving. 381 00:14:57,162 --> 00:14:59,239 Okay, guys, time to sit down for... 382 00:14:59,264 --> 00:15:01,553 - You know what. - Don't patronize me, Father! 383 00:15:01,586 --> 00:15:03,397 I know you're gonna eat that turkey now. 384 00:15:03,422 --> 00:15:05,293 Well, you know, they are. 385 00:15:05,318 --> 00:15:06,943 Um, I'm gonna stay here. 386 00:15:06,968 --> 00:15:08,834 And I could tell you a story. 387 00:15:08,859 --> 00:15:10,496 It's okay, Dad, you can go eat. 388 00:15:10,521 --> 00:15:12,277 I know how much you love Thanksgiving. 389 00:15:12,302 --> 00:15:15,470 No, no, I-I-I actually really do want to tell you a story. 390 00:15:15,495 --> 00:15:17,806 Um, and, you know, I ate so much food 391 00:15:17,831 --> 00:15:20,694 while I was cooking. Like... like, a lot. 392 00:15:20,718 --> 00:15:22,558 - Don't rub it in! - Sorry, sorry. 393 00:15:22,594 --> 00:15:25,123 Um, anyway, so, uh, action movies, huh? 394 00:15:25,147 --> 00:15:26,555 Is that what I was hearing? 395 00:15:26,580 --> 00:15:28,966 Okay, uh, listen, this is the story 396 00:15:28,991 --> 00:15:30,953 of Gene Marinara, 397 00:15:30,978 --> 00:15:34,156 owner of one of the most successful, uh... 398 00:15:34,181 --> 00:15:37,279 marinara rigs in the world. Hey. 399 00:15:37,304 --> 00:15:39,662 - What are you guys doing? - We want to hear the story. 400 00:15:39,686 --> 00:15:41,622 And we should probably help you tell it, 401 00:15:41,646 --> 00:15:44,392 because you are, you know, not that great with words or ideas. 402 00:15:44,417 --> 00:15:47,432 Thank you. I thought I was off to a pretty good start. 403 00:15:47,457 --> 00:15:48,689 We'll be the harsh judges of that. 404 00:15:49,089 --> 00:15:51,041 Anyway, like I said, Gene Marinara 405 00:15:51,066 --> 00:15:54,134 was the best marinara rig operator in the world. 406 00:15:54,159 --> 00:15:57,166 He had everything... The best crew, the best gear. 407 00:15:57,191 --> 00:15:58,472 But what he didn't know 408 00:15:58,497 --> 00:16:00,922 was that far away at the, uh, the... 409 00:16:00,947 --> 00:16:02,738 - space place... - NASA? 410 00:16:02,763 --> 00:16:07,783 Yes, NASA. A very smart space... science person named... 411 00:16:07,808 --> 00:16:08,877 - Gayle! - Fine. 412 00:16:08,902 --> 00:16:12,463 Gayle was about to discover something bad. 413 00:16:12,496 --> 00:16:14,574 Son of a space thing. 414 00:16:14,599 --> 00:16:15,980 What was it? What did I see? 415 00:16:16,005 --> 00:16:18,408 An asteroid made of chicken Parmesan 416 00:16:18,433 --> 00:16:20,730 the size of Texas, headed to destroy 417 00:16:20,755 --> 00:16:22,777 life on Earth as we know it. 418 00:16:22,802 --> 00:16:24,090 Wait, what was it made of? 419 00:16:24,115 --> 00:16:26,110 - Chicken Parmesan, Gene. - Oh. 420 00:16:26,135 --> 00:16:29,488 That's right, I'm talking about Parmageddon. 421 00:16:32,141 --> 00:16:34,511 Parmageddon... I get it. But... 422 00:16:34,536 --> 00:16:36,435 we've been doing Thanksgiving foods. 423 00:16:36,460 --> 00:16:38,363 Well, this is kind of a Thanksgiving food. 424 00:16:38,388 --> 00:16:39,721 I-It's related. 425 00:16:39,746 --> 00:16:42,906 So at the NASA, a bunch of people decided... 426 00:16:42,931 --> 00:16:44,684 We need to go up there 427 00:16:44,709 --> 00:16:47,580 and blow up that big piece of chicken parm! 428 00:16:47,605 --> 00:16:48,707 Scientifically. 429 00:16:48,731 --> 00:16:51,478 We drill inside, fill it with hot marinara, 430 00:16:51,503 --> 00:16:53,713 - and then... - Kaboom, daddy! 431 00:16:53,738 --> 00:16:56,289 We just got to find a guy who's really good at drilling 432 00:16:56,314 --> 00:16:58,481 and probably wears a tank top. 433 00:16:59,175 --> 00:17:00,742 Let her rip! 434 00:17:00,767 --> 00:17:02,160 Whoo-hoo! 435 00:17:02,185 --> 00:17:04,762 - Red gold! - Boy, he sure can drill. 436 00:17:04,822 --> 00:17:06,266 - And he sure can eat. - Yep. 437 00:17:06,290 --> 00:17:08,261 That's why they call him the Sauce Boss. 438 00:17:08,286 --> 00:17:10,675 Wait, Dad. Um, food is supposed to be the enemy. 439 00:17:10,700 --> 00:17:12,235 It is, kind of. You'll see. 440 00:17:12,260 --> 00:17:14,556 Ooh, suspense, I love it! Like Knives In! 441 00:17:14,581 --> 00:17:16,666 Um, I think it's Knives Out. 442 00:17:16,691 --> 00:17:19,510 No, it's like, ow, ow, knives in you, I think. 443 00:17:19,535 --> 00:17:21,481 I don't know. Movies are too expensive. 444 00:17:21,505 --> 00:17:23,580 - I didn't see it. - Anyway, Gene finishes 445 00:17:23,605 --> 00:17:25,605 his spaghetti just in time to see 446 00:17:25,630 --> 00:17:28,035 a very official government Jet Ski pull up to the rig 447 00:17:28,060 --> 00:17:30,144 with a big request to make. 448 00:17:30,176 --> 00:17:33,112 The United States government just asked us to save the world. 449 00:17:33,137 --> 00:17:34,632 Anyone want to say no? You know what? 450 00:17:34,657 --> 00:17:37,813 I'll send an E-vite, but please RSVP by tonight. 451 00:17:37,838 --> 00:17:40,640 United States astronauts train for years. 452 00:17:40,665 --> 00:17:42,457 You have 12 minutes. 453 00:17:43,519 --> 00:17:45,338 - Tell me what you see. - Pierce Brosnan. 454 00:17:45,362 --> 00:17:48,177 - Me robbing a bank? - Oh, it's Pierce Brosnan. 455 00:17:48,202 --> 00:17:50,760 It's a... a shape. 456 00:17:50,785 --> 00:17:53,236 Lasagna. No, risotto. No, Pierce Brosnan! 457 00:17:53,261 --> 00:17:54,480 They're ready. 458 00:17:54,505 --> 00:17:57,135 Have fun in space, Sauce Boss! 459 00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,954 - Three, two, one. And so - the fearless crew headed 460 00:17:59,979 --> 00:18:02,646 for the gigantic piece of chicken Parmesan. 461 00:18:04,682 --> 00:18:07,822 Mamma mia, that's a spicy meatball. 462 00:18:07,847 --> 00:18:09,401 Let's suit up. 463 00:18:09,426 --> 00:18:10,939 All right, we get out there, 464 00:18:10,964 --> 00:18:12,606 we stuff this baby with marinara, 465 00:18:12,630 --> 00:18:15,125 and then we get back in here and we're home to our wives 466 00:18:15,150 --> 00:18:16,150 by dinner. 467 00:18:16,175 --> 00:18:17,750 Uh, Mom's my wife, right? 468 00:18:17,775 --> 00:18:20,171 - Um, what? - Mom was Gene's wife in my story. 469 00:18:20,195 --> 00:18:21,728 Aw, sweet. 470 00:18:21,753 --> 00:18:25,008 We all need to have a talk as a family. 471 00:18:25,033 --> 00:18:26,668 Don't be a prude, Bob. 472 00:18:26,693 --> 00:18:29,232 I-I-I don't think it's, uh, prudish. 473 00:18:29,257 --> 00:18:30,808 I... all right, maybe it is. 474 00:18:30,833 --> 00:18:32,901 Uh, you know what, it's fine. Anyway... 475 00:18:32,925 --> 00:18:35,889 the entire crew made it onto the surface of the chicken Parmesan, 476 00:18:35,914 --> 00:18:37,780 but then something went wrong. 477 00:18:37,805 --> 00:18:39,559 This cheesy crust is too thick. 478 00:18:39,584 --> 00:18:40,908 Our drill can't get through it. 479 00:18:40,933 --> 00:18:43,745 - Oh, no. Poor Earth! - Shoot. 480 00:18:43,769 --> 00:18:45,438 I live there. Is there anything we can do? 481 00:18:45,462 --> 00:18:47,438 There's nothing we can do. 482 00:18:47,463 --> 00:18:49,441 But there's something I can do. 483 00:18:49,466 --> 00:18:50,994 Gene, no, y-you don't mean... 484 00:18:51,019 --> 00:18:52,185 I do mean. 485 00:18:52,210 --> 00:18:53,912 I feel like chicken tonight. 486 00:18:53,937 --> 00:18:56,688 All I need is a jet pack and a napkin. 487 00:18:56,713 --> 00:19:00,043 The crew returned to Earth, but Gene stayed out in space and he 488 00:19:00,068 --> 00:19:02,252 ate that space chicken one bite at a time. 489 00:19:02,277 --> 00:19:04,191 He, uh, you know, he had to take off his helmet, 490 00:19:04,216 --> 00:19:06,292 hold his breath, eat a bite, then put his helmet back on, 491 00:19:06,316 --> 00:19:07,866 and... You get it, right? 492 00:19:07,898 --> 00:19:09,627 - Perfect. - Gene, you have to finish! 493 00:19:09,652 --> 00:19:11,738 You're about to enter Earth's atmosphere. 494 00:19:11,763 --> 00:19:13,621 So full! Let me just open 495 00:19:13,646 --> 00:19:15,418 the top button of my space suit. 496 00:19:15,443 --> 00:19:17,779 Okay, last bite! 497 00:19:17,803 --> 00:19:18,897 - He did it! - Yeah! 498 00:19:18,921 --> 00:19:20,362 Oh, God, it's coming back up! 499 00:19:20,387 --> 00:19:22,283 And then Gene Marinara 500 00:19:22,308 --> 00:19:25,458 diarrhea-ed and vomited all that chicken back up, 501 00:19:25,483 --> 00:19:28,308 and it rained hot chicken poop shooting stars 502 00:19:28,333 --> 00:19:30,315 all around the world, which was kind of gross, 503 00:19:30,340 --> 00:19:32,149 but also beautiful. 504 00:19:32,300 --> 00:19:34,204 And everyone was fine, and Gene was fine 505 00:19:34,228 --> 00:19:35,871 because he had a jet pack. 506 00:19:35,896 --> 00:19:38,613 The Earth was saved, and all because Gene had the courage 507 00:19:38,657 --> 00:19:41,049 to eat a chicken Parmesan the size of Texas. 508 00:19:41,109 --> 00:19:43,144 - Excuse me. - The end. 509 00:19:43,169 --> 00:19:45,066 So I guess you figured out that 510 00:19:45,091 --> 00:19:47,571 I ate some of that kind of rotten chicken Parmesan 511 00:19:47,596 --> 00:19:49,265 - that you told me not to eat? - Yeah. 512 00:19:49,290 --> 00:19:50,853 - I-I saw the bites. - What? 513 00:19:50,878 --> 00:19:53,003 Mom... I don't have stomach flu. 514 00:19:53,028 --> 00:19:54,822 I-I have food poisoning. 515 00:19:54,847 --> 00:19:56,988 Last night, I was in the kitchen with Dad. 516 00:19:57,013 --> 00:19:58,228 Can I eat some turkey? 517 00:19:58,252 --> 00:19:59,558 No, it's not cooked. 518 00:19:59,583 --> 00:20:01,691 - Bread dough? - It's rising, don't touch it. 519 00:20:01,716 --> 00:20:03,798 How about this old chicken Parmesan? 520 00:20:03,840 --> 00:20:05,552 Gene, no, definitely don't eat that. 521 00:20:05,576 --> 00:20:06,912 That's from, like, two weeks ago. 522 00:20:06,936 --> 00:20:09,331 - Please? - No! I'm leaving it in there, 523 00:20:09,355 --> 00:20:10,670 Gene, till I take out the trash. 524 00:20:10,695 --> 00:20:12,500 I could eat it and save you the trip. 525 00:20:12,525 --> 00:20:13,668 Gene, go to bed. 526 00:20:13,692 --> 00:20:15,045 And I did go to bed. 527 00:20:15,069 --> 00:20:17,027 But later I got up and I ate some 528 00:20:17,052 --> 00:20:19,080 of that old chicken Parmesan in the middle of the night. 529 00:20:19,105 --> 00:20:20,445 And I didn't want to tell you 530 00:20:20,482 --> 00:20:23,295 because I was embarrassed that I basically ate garbage. 531 00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:24,836 I just love to eat! 532 00:20:24,861 --> 00:20:26,723 Gene, it-it's great that you love to eat. 533 00:20:26,747 --> 00:20:28,385 I-I love to feed you. 534 00:20:28,410 --> 00:20:30,260 And you're the only one who was 535 00:20:30,284 --> 00:20:32,020 really interested in my innovative new menu. 536 00:20:32,044 --> 00:20:34,350 It's just a shame you didn't get to taste it. 537 00:20:34,375 --> 00:20:36,019 You know, I-I was like you when I was a kid. 538 00:20:36,043 --> 00:20:37,921 That's how I got interested in cooking. 539 00:20:37,946 --> 00:20:39,881 And as soon as you pass that sip test, 540 00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:41,413 I'll eat dinner with you. 541 00:20:41,438 --> 00:20:43,383 Well, surprise, I've been nibbling 542 00:20:43,408 --> 00:20:46,126 and juicing for the last 30 minutes, baby! 543 00:20:46,151 --> 00:20:47,312 Gene, that's great! 544 00:20:47,337 --> 00:20:49,057 Father, feed me that turkey! 545 00:20:49,082 --> 00:20:51,295 Yay! Let's all eat at the table. 546 00:20:51,320 --> 00:20:53,894 All right. Oh, wa... oh, no! 547 00:20:53,919 --> 00:20:55,987 - Oh, God! Oh, God! - Oh, no, no, no! 548 00:20:56,012 --> 00:20:57,540 It's coming out of everywhere! 549 00:20:57,565 --> 00:20:58,835 Get in the tub! Get in the tub! 550 00:20:58,860 --> 00:21:01,982 ♪ Turkey, I need you beside me ♪ 551 00:21:02,007 --> 00:21:06,048 ♪ I need all of you, I need your breast and thigh meat ♪ 552 00:21:06,073 --> 00:21:09,057 ♪ Turkey, I need you beside me ♪ 553 00:21:09,398 --> 00:21:11,951 ♪ I need all of you, I need your breast and thigh meat ♪ 554 00:21:11,976 --> 00:21:14,304 ♪ And what's that hiding in your hole? ♪ 555 00:21:14,364 --> 00:21:17,251 - ♪ Giblets, stuffing, gravy ♪ - ♪ Some stuffing for my heart and soul ♪ 556 00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:20,086 ♪ I could still be a winner ♪ 557 00:21:20,111 --> 00:21:24,601 ♪ When I eat that Thanksgiving dinner ♪ 558 00:21:24,626 --> 00:21:27,769 ♪ Turkey, I need you beside me ♪ 559 00:21:27,919 --> 00:21:31,569 ♪ I need all of you, I need your breast and thigh meat. ♪ 560 00:21:31,594 --> 00:21:35,171 - Synced and corrected by ChrisKe - -- for www.addic7ed.com --