1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,003
♪ dramatic music playing ♪

2
00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:05,005
♪

3
00:00:07,633 --> 00:00:10,260
‐ Terry, will you hand me the deatomizer?
The Phillips one.

4
00:00:10,260 --> 00:00:11,887
The booster manifold is misaligned.

5
00:00:11,887 --> 00:00:15,432
‐ Man, hey, I took this quiz to find out
what Jet‐Skis fit my personality

6
00:00:15,432 --> 00:00:17,684
and turns out, all of them do.
Look at this.

7
00:00:18,268 --> 00:00:19,978
KORVO: Ah, Terry, help!
‐ Oh, I'm sorry.

8
00:00:19,978 --> 00:00:21,480
‐ Oh, my beautiful body.
‐ Oh, God.

9
00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:22,981
‐ Put me in the thing, Terry.
Put me in the medical thing.

10
00:00:22,981 --> 00:00:23,982
‐ I don't‐‐ I don't know
what you're talking about.

11
00:00:23,982 --> 00:00:25,526
‐ The thing with the red light.
‐ What thing, which thing, what thing?

12
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Which thing? Point to the thing.
‐ Right there.

13
00:00:26,985 --> 00:00:28,612
Oh, God, I'm slipping away.
My one regret.

14
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I didn't read enough manuals.
Tell everyone you know

15
00:00:30,948 --> 00:00:33,825
to take the time to read more manuals
or they'll regret‐‐

16
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‐ Ah!

17
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‐ [pained groans]

18
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[machine beeping, whirring]

19
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[ding]

20
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[air hissing]

21
00:00:43,085 --> 00:00:44,670
‐ That didn't seem too bad, honestly.

22
00:00:45,003 --> 00:00:47,673
‐ You are so annoying.
I'm up there doing dangerous work.

23
00:00:47,673 --> 00:00:48,966
You have to be careful.
‐ I already said

24
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that it didn't seem too bad.
What else do you need, man?

25
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‐ We're supposed to be
working together to survive,

26
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and you, you just, you make it worse.
‐ All right, look, breathe.

27
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The only thing that matters
is today we're gettin' a Jet‐Ski.

28
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By this afternoon, we're gonna be
jumpin' the wake,

29
00:01:01,270 --> 00:01:03,313
gleamin' the cube, dockin' the dog.

30
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Bologna sandwich in one hand,
and a, and a Mountain Dew in the other.

31
00:01:06,275 --> 00:01:09,152
‐ Oh, I have been looking forward
to the gleaming the cube part.

32
00:01:09,152 --> 00:01:11,572
I've gleamed many items before,
but never a cube.

33
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‐ It's gonna be fun in the sun
from now on.

34
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A Jet‐Ski is exactly
what you need to relax.

35
00:01:16,118 --> 00:01:18,161
‐ You're right.
I‐I need to stop stressing out so much.

36
00:01:18,161 --> 00:01:21,498
I'm gooblering more than Zortex
at the Camoodian Eve parade.

37
00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:23,500
‐ Poof, whatever that means.

38
00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:24,751
‐ Why are your jeans in the freezer?

39
00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:28,046
‐ Jen Garner had an Insta all about
cleaning your jeans like freezing sushi.

40
00:01:28,046 --> 00:01:31,800
‐ How am I supposed to enjoy
the one Diet Dr. Pepper

41
00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:35,345
I allow myself a day
with blue fucking ice cubes?

42
00:01:35,345 --> 00:01:37,264
[yells]

43
00:01:37,264 --> 00:01:39,183
[retches]

44
00:01:42,895 --> 00:01:45,480
‐ Um, hey, little fella.

45
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[screams]

46
00:01:47,816 --> 00:01:48,650
‐ Get fucked!

47
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‐ What the hell was that?
‐ A red goobler.

48
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‐ What, what do the red ones do?

49
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‐ I don't know.

50
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KORVO:
Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia.

51
00:02:00,495 --> 00:02:02,456
Until the asteroid hit.

52
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One hundred adults and their replicants
were issued a Pupa

53
00:02:06,043 --> 00:02:07,961
and escaped into, uh, the space,

54
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:10,380
searching for new homes
on uninhabited worlds.

55
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We crashed on Earth, stranding us
on an already overpopulated planet.

56
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That's right,
I've been talking this whole time.

57
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I'm the one holding the Pupa.
My name's Korvo.

58
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This is‐‐ this is my show.
I just dropped the Pupa.

59
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Do you see me?
This, this is ridiculous.

60
00:02:21,517 --> 00:02:23,519
I hate Earth.
It's a horrible home.

61
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People are stupid.
Everyone claims to like old people

62
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but they're not fucking them.

63
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I fuck old people all the time.
They love me.

64
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♪ dramatic music playing ♪

65
00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:33,946
♪

66
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‐ Hey, at lunch, do you wanna
see what happens

67
00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:40,118
if we drink all the sodas at once?

68
00:02:40,118 --> 00:02:42,788
‐ There's a Coke Zero chance
I wanna do that.

69
00:02:42,788 --> 00:02:44,957
I have to focus on getting in
with the cool kids.

70
00:02:44,957 --> 00:02:46,542
There's an opening
at their lunch table now.

71
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Ricky Smalling's in an iron lung.
‐ Ricky was super cool.

72
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He was dating two of the Stacis.
Each Staci is worth like ten Rebeccas.

73
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You think you can fill that power vacuum?

74
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‐ My plan is to just slip into the seat,
do nothing,

75
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then eventually, it'll seem normal
that I'm there.

76
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‐ It worked for Hulu.
‐ Hopefully, they'll invite me

77
00:03:02,766 --> 00:03:05,185
to Cooper Barn's party
and I'll learn so much about humanity.

78
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Because that's the only reason
I'm doing it. You know, for science.

79
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Keep your mouth shut.
Don't ruin this for me.

80
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‐ Well, if you're getting in with them,
I'm getting in with the Stacis.

81
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[quietly]
'Cause I'm afraid of them.

82
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‐ Okay, so I'm paraphrasing here.

83
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‐ You know I love when
you motherfucking paraphrase.

84
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Give it to me, baby.
‐ Most gooblers are passive non‐verbal

85
00:03:22,286 --> 00:03:24,830
stress creatures who dance and sing
and wander off

86
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to go see the world or whatever they do.

87
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The red gooblers only appear
every 100,000th goobler.

88
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‐ I knew you gooblered too much.

89
00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:33,130
[shouting]
Why are you always so stressed?

90
00:03:33,130 --> 00:03:35,132
Why, why, why?
Come on, tell me, man.

91
00:03:35,132 --> 00:03:37,467
Why? Tell me.
‐ Red gooblers are lethal.

92
00:03:37,467 --> 00:03:39,219
Their sole goal in life
is to kill the host

93
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:41,680
either by direct violence
or by stressing them out so much

94
00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:44,016
that their body goes into something
called fetal shock.

95
00:03:44,016 --> 00:03:46,059
It's where your brain turns into
a baby and then you die.

96
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:48,729
‐ Well, good luck with that, baby brain.
‐ This is your fault.

97
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:51,315
At least half of these gooblers
were because of stupid shit you've done.

98
00:03:51,315 --> 00:03:53,692
‐ Okay, okay, look.
Don't make another red goobler.

99
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He probably already forgot
about you anyway. Gooblers are dumb.

100
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[tapping on glass]

101
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"I'm going to mill you"?
‐ Oh, my God.

102
00:03:59,448 --> 00:04:01,408
I think he means kill.
‐ [cackles]

103
00:04:05,329 --> 00:04:07,414
♪ dramatic music playing ♪

104
00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:10,417
♪

105
00:04:11,335 --> 00:04:12,336
[school bell rings]

106
00:04:12,336 --> 00:04:15,422
‐ All right, some of you may have
noticed you're going through changes.

107
00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:18,217
Like Paul over here.
It's okay, Paul.

108
00:04:18,217 --> 00:04:20,802
Puberty is something
that happens to all of us.

109
00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:24,598
It's completely natural
and if you're like me, comes very early.

110
00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:27,768
I mean, I'm not ashamed to admit
I got my period at six years old.

111
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:29,770
‐ Oh, no.
Oh, oh.

112
00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:33,899
[gasps]
Puberty!

113
00:04:34,358 --> 00:04:37,277
[gasps] Staci K.
[gasps] Staci F.

114
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:39,446
‐ Staci G. is out.

115
00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:41,073
She went into the woods
to look for Slenderman.

116
00:04:41,073 --> 00:04:43,325
‐ Ugh, she's such a slut for Slenderman.

117
00:04:43,325 --> 00:04:46,203
What the fuck are you doing
in our bathroom, weirdo?

118
00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:49,081
‐ First, I'm gonna make up
a mean nickname for you.

119
00:04:49,081 --> 00:04:52,167
And then, she's gonna force you
to eat a tampon.

120
00:04:52,167 --> 00:04:55,254
‐ I've been slow cooking it all day.

121
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[whispers] In my vagina.
‐ Uh...

122
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uh, oh!

123
00:05:01,093 --> 00:05:01,885
[both gasp]

124
00:05:01,885 --> 00:05:05,764
‐ Wow, you are, like, so beautiful.

125
00:05:05,764 --> 00:05:08,892
I'm sure you get asked this all the time,
but can I touch your face?

126
00:05:08,892 --> 00:05:12,771
‐ Uh, I do not get asked that
all the time, and yeah.

127
00:05:12,771 --> 00:05:14,439
Touch away, Staci K.

128
00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:17,651
‐ Aiden, Braden, Jaeden, Mark.
‐ Dude, that's Ricky's seat.

129
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,069
‐ Was Ricky's seat.

130
00:05:19,695 --> 00:05:23,323
‐ So I'm at Benihana with my parents,
and my Juul dies.

131
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:25,951
And I'm like, oh, shit.
But then I realize,

132
00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:28,078
I can just vape the onion steam.

133
00:05:28,078 --> 00:05:29,329
‐ Hey, you guys.
Cool headphones.

134
00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:31,081
What are you listening to?
The sex?

135
00:05:31,081 --> 00:05:32,833
[quietly]
I need to tell you something.

136
00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:34,418
‐ Ugh, this table's weak now.

137
00:05:34,418 --> 00:05:36,378
Let's go recharge our headphones
and jerk off.

138
00:05:36,378 --> 00:05:38,463
‐ All right, fellas, keep it tight.
I love you.

139
00:05:38,463 --> 00:05:41,550
I mean, okay.
You just blew that for me!

140
00:05:41,550 --> 00:05:44,595
I was totally in.
This is my cool kid table.

141
00:05:44,595 --> 00:05:46,638
You gotta find your own
cool kids to hang with.

142
00:05:46,638 --> 00:05:49,349
Like, those guys.
‐ Those are cool kids?

143
00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:53,437
‐ Yeah. I heard Lady Gaga wore
that same cone to the Latin Grammys.

144
00:05:53,437 --> 00:05:55,314
So awesome.
Good luck.

145
00:05:55,314 --> 00:05:57,482
♪ dramatic music playing ♪

146
00:05:57,482 --> 00:05:59,568
♪

147
00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:04,072
‐ Okay, you ready?

148
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:07,784
We gotta meet the guy
selling us the Jet‐Ski in an hour.

149
00:06:07,784 --> 00:06:09,870
His name is Trent.
I mean, how Trent is that?

150
00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:11,747
‐ Yes, Terry, I'm almost finished
fortifying the house

151
00:06:11,747 --> 00:06:13,457
in case that
little red butthole comes back.

152
00:06:13,457 --> 00:06:16,210
‐ Oh, right, yeah, I should probably
seal up all my hidden doors then.

153
00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:18,253
‐ What hidden doors?
‐ I only have a couple, don't worry.

154
00:06:18,253 --> 00:06:20,339
♪ dramatic music playing ♪

155
00:06:20,339 --> 00:06:23,342
♪

156
00:06:27,429 --> 00:06:30,098
‐ Terry, that Wetzel's is a money pit.
It doesn't have any foot traffic.

157
00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:31,975
‐ It takes a year for a business
to be profitable, okay?

158
00:06:31,975 --> 00:06:34,019
‐ But free pretzel day
is right around the corner.

159
00:06:36,647 --> 00:06:38,732
♪ dramatic music playing ♪

160
00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:40,150
[screeching]

161
00:06:42,611 --> 00:06:43,612
[gunshot]

162
00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:50,410
[clamoring]

163
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,913
‐ Hey, watch the nose. It's new.
‐ Fuck you, Craig.

164
00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:55,374
‐ Listen to me.
You're not gonna believe this.

165
00:06:55,374 --> 00:06:58,627
I just had such a good experience
with two girls in the bathroom,

166
00:06:58,627 --> 00:07:01,255
and it's all because of this.
‐ Nobody cares.

167
00:07:01,255 --> 00:07:02,381
What the hell is that?

168
00:07:02,381 --> 00:07:04,383
‐ That's what I've
been trying to tell you.

169
00:07:04,383 --> 00:07:06,635
It's my special flower.

170
00:07:06,635 --> 00:07:08,720
♪ uplifting music playing ♪

171
00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:11,640
♪

172
00:07:13,642 --> 00:07:15,644
‐ I'm sorry I hit you in the nads, man.
‐ No.

173
00:07:15,644 --> 00:07:17,563
I'm sorry I called your mom fat.

174
00:07:17,563 --> 00:07:19,481
I know she just got stung
by a bunch of bees.

175
00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:24,278
‐ You did this.
‐ Yep, totally her fault.

176
00:07:24,278 --> 00:07:27,406
Should we bully her until she decides
to pursue a career in the arts?

177
00:07:27,406 --> 00:07:28,448
‐ No, man, she's cool.

178
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:30,450
Jesse, you should come
to the big party tonight.

179
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,786
See you there?
‐ Ha, you betcha.

180
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:35,414
‐ I really hate that I have to
sell this baby.

181
00:07:35,414 --> 00:07:37,791
I can't believe the court made me
choose between her and my kids.

182
00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:40,878
‐ Now this can do sick flips, right?
I mean, they have to be really sick.

183
00:07:40,878 --> 00:07:43,505
‐ Oh, yeah, they're sick, dude.
We had some great times together.

184
00:07:43,505 --> 00:07:45,757
Ah, I just want to make sure
she goes to a good home, you know?

185
00:07:45,757 --> 00:07:47,718
‐ [loud bang]
‐ Red goobler got a gun!

186
00:07:48,510 --> 00:07:51,763
‐ That was a car backfiring, dude.
Is someone huntin' you?

187
00:07:51,763 --> 00:07:53,724
I'm not sure that's the right
home environment

188
00:07:53,724 --> 00:07:55,017
for a refined vehicle like this.

189
00:07:55,225 --> 00:07:57,519
‐ No, no, no, don't worry, look.
The only thing we're hunting for

190
00:07:57,519 --> 00:07:59,646
is a great deal, Trent.
‐ I hear that.

191
00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:01,481
[chuckles]
Hey, you guys want to sit on this honey?

192
00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:02,399
‐ Yes, yes, yes, yes.
‐ Obviously.

193
00:08:02,399 --> 00:08:04,401
‐ Me first.
‐ No, I'm going first, Terry.

194
00:08:04,401 --> 00:08:05,235
‐ The fuck out of my way!

195
00:08:05,235 --> 00:08:08,989
‐ Why do you have to ruin everything?
‐ The flower saved the day.

196
00:08:09,615 --> 00:08:11,700
‐ Damn it, I'm gonna tell Korvo and Terry.

197
00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:14,453
They're gonna chop it right off your head
and no one will like you anymore.

198
00:08:14,453 --> 00:08:16,205
‐ No, don't, please don't tell them.

199
00:08:16,205 --> 00:08:19,166
‐ When I get home,
I'm going to ruin your life.

200
00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:21,627
‐ Not if I get there first.

201
00:08:21,627 --> 00:08:22,920
[horns honking]

202
00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:25,047
♪ dramatic music playing ♪

203
00:08:25,047 --> 00:08:28,050
♪

204
00:08:34,431 --> 00:08:35,516
Ah!

205
00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:40,771
[glass shatters]

206
00:08:40,771 --> 00:08:41,939
[woman screams]

207
00:08:42,731 --> 00:08:43,524
Ah!

208
00:08:45,526 --> 00:08:46,902
Yeah!

209
00:08:46,902 --> 00:08:47,945
[screaming]

210
00:08:47,945 --> 00:08:49,488
Oh, god, oh, help me.

211
00:08:49,488 --> 00:08:51,490
[groaning]

212
00:08:54,993 --> 00:08:56,870
‐ Shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo.
Oh, no.

213
00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:57,871
[siren wails]

214
00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:04,753
‐ He's lost too much of
what I'm really hoping is blood.

215
00:09:04,753 --> 00:09:05,796
[monitor flatlines]

216
00:09:05,796 --> 00:09:06,672
‐ No!

217
00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:10,300
No, no!

218
00:09:11,593 --> 00:09:15,639
‐ Thanks for saving my life, I guess.
‐ Thanks for not dying.

219
00:09:15,639 --> 00:09:16,807
‐ I'm still gonna tattle!

220
00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:19,226
‐ Ah, jeez.

221
00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:21,311
♪ somber music playing ♪

222
00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:24,314
♪

223
00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:25,983
[imitating motor]

224
00:09:27,192 --> 00:09:29,111
‐ Yeah.
‐ Wait till you get her on the water.

225
00:09:29,111 --> 00:09:30,612
‐ This goes on the water?
What?

226
00:09:30,612 --> 00:09:32,948
‐ You know what, this feels right.
Yeah.

227
00:09:32,948 --> 00:09:36,368
I'm gonna sell her to you guys.
‐ Uh, so should we take her now?

228
00:09:36,368 --> 00:09:38,996
‐ You mind if I drop her off?
I just wanted to get one last ride in.

229
00:09:41,123 --> 00:09:43,542
‐ I got the red goobler.
‐ Wait, are you guys weird?

230
00:09:43,542 --> 00:09:45,252
‐ No, no, no.
Look, okay.

231
00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:47,629
We've been playing a game of tag with
our best friends for the past 20 years.

232
00:09:47,629 --> 00:09:49,298
It's actually brought us
much closer together.

233
00:09:49,298 --> 00:09:50,883
We'll see you at our house later.
Thanks for the Jet‐Ski.

234
00:09:50,883 --> 00:09:51,925
You're cool.
Bye!

235
00:09:52,384 --> 00:09:54,428
♪ dramatic music playing ♪

236
00:09:54,428 --> 00:09:57,472
♪

237
00:10:05,606 --> 00:10:07,482
‐ [auctioneering]

238
00:10:07,482 --> 00:10:08,609
...SpongeBob Square Pants...

239
00:10:08,609 --> 00:10:10,611
[auctioneering]

240
00:10:12,988 --> 00:10:15,490
‐ Oof, I am sorry.
I freaked out a little.

241
00:10:15,490 --> 00:10:17,868
But the good news is
we have secured the Jet‐Ski

242
00:10:17,868 --> 00:10:19,620
and it looks like
the red goobler is gone.

243
00:10:20,746 --> 00:10:22,664
Terry, did you poach eggs?

244
00:10:22,664 --> 00:10:25,125
‐ No, I only like scrambled, fried,
hard boiled, soft boiled,

245
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:27,085
sunny side, over easy,
over medium, over hard,

246
00:10:27,085 --> 00:10:28,795
Easter, green, Benedict,
McMuffin and deviled.

247
00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:30,881
‐ The red goobler was here!
‐ Oh, I also like frittatas.

248
00:10:32,382 --> 00:10:33,926
‐ How did he get in?

249
00:10:33,926 --> 00:10:35,761
♪ dramatic music playing ♪

250
00:10:35,761 --> 00:10:37,930
He's whispering to
the memory foam mattress, Terry.

251
00:10:37,930 --> 00:10:39,890
What is he telling it?
What does that mattress remember?

252
00:10:39,890 --> 00:10:41,600
‐ He unboxed my "Hunger Games" Funkos.

253
00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:44,061
Ah, I was saving President Snow
for my YouTube channel.

254
00:10:44,061 --> 00:10:45,562
Now it's not even worth half a Phasma.

255
00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:47,856
‐ He's filling up our DVR
with "Madame Secretary."

256
00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:49,191
That's a mom show.
‐ The son of a bitch

257
00:10:49,191 --> 00:10:51,360
took my jeans out of the freezer.
‐ Uh, I did that.

258
00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:53,070
Oh, my God, Trent is gonna be here soon.

259
00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:55,155
If he sees that and thinks someone
has asked me to blow them,

260
00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:56,782
there's no way
he's gonna sell us the Jet‐Ski.

261
00:10:56,782 --> 00:10:58,909
‐ No, no, no, no.
Easy, big guy. Don't get stressed.

262
00:10:58,909 --> 00:11:00,869
That's what he wants, okay?
We still have time to clean it up.

263
00:11:00,869 --> 00:11:02,871
‐ We can't tell the replicants
anything about the red goobler.

264
00:11:02,871 --> 00:11:04,331
I know Yumyulack will have night terrors

265
00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:05,999
and he'll end up
sleeping in our bed again.

266
00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:08,085
‐ Terry, Korvo.
‐ Please don't tell them.

267
00:11:08,085 --> 00:11:10,045
I prom...
[gasps]

268
00:11:10,045 --> 00:11:11,672
Yumyulack, look.

269
00:11:11,672 --> 00:11:15,008
‐ I got one, too. It's beautiful.
‐ Meh.

270
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,510
‐ We have to hide these
from Korvo and Terry.

271
00:11:16,510 --> 00:11:18,512
It'll freak them out.
Terry will have night terrors

272
00:11:18,512 --> 00:11:20,222
and he'll end up sleeping
in one of our beds again.

273
00:11:20,222 --> 00:11:22,057
‐ What? I thought you said
it wasn't special.

274
00:11:22,057 --> 00:11:24,101
‐ Yeah, but now I have one, so it's cool.

275
00:11:24,101 --> 00:11:27,104
This is our ticket to Cooper Barn's party.
‐ They're coming.

276
00:11:29,273 --> 00:11:31,900
‐ So, how was, uh, how was your day?
‐ Fine.

277
00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:33,360
How was your day?
‐ Equally fine.

278
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:34,778
Yep, there's no such thing
as a red goobler.

279
00:11:34,778 --> 00:11:36,488
‐ I was just saying the same thing
about head flowers.

280
00:11:36,488 --> 00:11:37,906
KORVO/YUMYULACK: What?
TERRY/JESSE: Nothing.

281
00:11:38,323 --> 00:11:40,492
‐ I knew this day would come, but, man.

282
00:11:40,492 --> 00:11:43,453
It is hard to say good‐bye to something
you have been inside of.

283
00:11:43,453 --> 00:11:45,664
‐ Oh.
‐ I, I meant metaphorically.

284
00:11:45,664 --> 00:11:47,875
You know, whatever, dude.
‐ Okay, well, uh, good luck

285
00:11:47,875 --> 00:11:50,252
with that whole thing, Trent.
Um, we gotta go.

286
00:11:50,252 --> 00:11:51,795
We're late to get our backs waxed.

287
00:11:52,671 --> 00:11:54,214
‐ Hurry, trap him in the garage.

288
00:11:55,799 --> 00:11:57,301
Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, get him.
‐ [cackling]

289
00:11:57,301 --> 00:11:58,635
‐ God damn it.
Shit, shit, grab him.

290
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:09,605
‐ [shuddering breaths]
A small red man did this.

291
00:12:09,605 --> 00:12:10,689
[gasping]

292
00:12:10,689 --> 00:12:13,525
And I don't mean that as, like,
derogatory toward little people.

293
00:12:13,525 --> 00:12:14,484
[groans]

294
00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:15,903
Or Native Americans, dude.

295
00:12:15,903 --> 00:12:18,071
He was just actually tiny and‐‐ red‐‐

296
00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:19,656
[groans]

297
00:12:19,656 --> 00:12:21,617
‐ This is bad, Terry.
The red goobler set us up.

298
00:12:21,617 --> 00:12:23,285
‐ What are we gonna do?
I can't go to prison.

299
00:12:23,285 --> 00:12:25,662
I don't have a butthole.
How will I smuggle in treats?

300
00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:30,167
‐ I wish I could say this wasn't something
we see all the time.

301
00:12:30,167 --> 00:12:34,129
But this town has a real problem
with unexplained high‐concept injuries.

302
00:12:34,129 --> 00:12:36,590
It's like we're cursed.
Damn.

303
00:12:36,590 --> 00:12:39,343
I'm sorry for your loss.
Was he a good friend?

304
00:12:39,343 --> 00:12:42,054
‐ No, he was more than that.
He was a Jet‐Ski.

305
00:12:42,054 --> 00:12:44,348
♪ dance music playing ♪

306
00:12:44,348 --> 00:12:46,767
‐ Wow, our first real‐life
high school party.

307
00:12:46,767 --> 00:12:48,185
It's just like I dreamed it would be.

308
00:12:48,185 --> 00:12:51,438
Look, Cooper Barn's already freaking out
that people are trashing his house.

309
00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:53,690
‐ That's a family heirloom.
Get away from my dog.

310
00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:55,943
Brent, don't snort my dad's ashes.
Fuck!

311
00:12:55,943 --> 00:12:58,695
‐ Classic Cooper.
‐ So you hang out with the Stacis

312
00:12:58,695 --> 00:13:00,656
while I make my move on the podcast guys.

313
00:13:00,656 --> 00:13:03,367
I wanna be toxically entrenched
in a clique by 8:00.

314
00:13:04,034 --> 00:13:06,370
‐ Whoo, Jesse.
‐ Yas, Jesse.

315
00:13:06,370 --> 00:13:08,747
‐ Hey, what are you doing here?
‐ Oh, uh...

316
00:13:08,747 --> 00:13:09,915
[coughs]

317
00:13:11,667 --> 00:13:13,377
‐ Dude, dude, dude,
psyched you're here, man.

318
00:13:13,377 --> 00:13:15,587
Love the headphones.
You're not a poser at all.

319
00:13:15,587 --> 00:13:17,506
Do you wanna buy a van with me?
We could do road trips.

320
00:13:17,506 --> 00:13:19,132
Oh, we could solve mys‐‐
we could turn it into a food van.

321
00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:21,802
Oh, my God, I'm operating
at such a different level, bro.

322
00:13:21,802 --> 00:13:24,721
‐ Um, I have read that a Nissan Odyssey
is a pretty sweet ride.

323
00:13:24,721 --> 00:13:27,182
‐ Yeah, it is!
Get in here, bro.

324
00:13:27,182 --> 00:13:29,268
♪ dramatic music playing ♪

325
00:13:29,268 --> 00:13:32,271
♪

326
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:44,950
‐ I feel like the goobler's on my back.
Is he on my back?

327
00:13:44,950 --> 00:13:47,286
‐ For the millionth time, no.
Wait, is he on my back?

328
00:13:47,286 --> 00:13:48,620
‐ No, you're clear.

329
00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:50,497
Oh, man, is this
what life is like from now on?

330
00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:52,916
Just waiting for a ketchup packet
to stab us in the back?

331
00:13:52,916 --> 00:13:55,419
‐ We have to take the fight to him.
Just like Kevin McCallister,

332
00:13:55,419 --> 00:13:57,421
we shall not go softly into the night.

333
00:13:57,421 --> 00:13:59,756
He could be anywhere.
In the vents, under a lampshade,

334
00:13:59,756 --> 00:14:01,008
the other side of town.
‐ Hey, think about it.

335
00:14:01,008 --> 00:14:03,218
He's literally made of your stress.
‐ So?

336
00:14:03,218 --> 00:14:06,597
‐ So he's probably hiding out in the
most stressful place you can imagine.

337
00:14:06,597 --> 00:14:08,599
[wolf howls]

338
00:14:08,599 --> 00:14:10,642
This is your most stressful place?
‐ Yes.

339
00:14:10,642 --> 00:14:12,728
For starters, how do they
stay in business all year?

340
00:14:12,728 --> 00:14:14,062
It makes no sense financially.

341
00:14:14,062 --> 00:14:16,190
The whole place smells like the inside
of a plastic bag.

342
00:14:16,190 --> 00:14:18,483
And for some reason,
they sell marked‐up PS4s.

343
00:14:18,483 --> 00:14:20,861
Plus I'm afraid of skeletons.
Ah! See?

344
00:14:20,861 --> 00:14:22,654
‐ Wait a minute, he's here.
I can sense it.

345
00:14:22,654 --> 00:14:24,448
Also, I can see him right there.
‐ [grunts]

346
00:14:24,448 --> 00:14:26,617
♪ dramatic music playing ♪

347
00:14:26,617 --> 00:14:29,161
♪

348
00:14:29,161 --> 00:14:30,871
Oh, great, now we have to pay for that.

349
00:14:32,122 --> 00:14:34,708
‐ Are you guys on molly?
‐ Molly is on molly,

350
00:14:34,708 --> 00:14:37,461
but the rest of us are on Jesse.

351
00:14:37,461 --> 00:14:39,087
‐ You want some of this?

352
00:14:41,131 --> 00:14:44,718
‐ Oh, yes, Jesse.
That's me, super cool.

353
00:14:44,718 --> 00:14:47,596
‐ Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.
All I'm saying is think about it.

354
00:14:47,596 --> 00:14:49,515
Are you thinking about it?
Are you fucking thinking about it?

355
00:14:49,515 --> 00:14:50,599
‐ What am I thinking about?
‐ Our trip to the woods.

356
00:14:50,599 --> 00:14:52,017
‐ Self‐publishing an erotic cookbook.
‐ Getting married.

357
00:14:52,017 --> 00:14:54,186
‐ Yes, yes, and I'm not saying no,
but I need to think about it.

358
00:14:54,186 --> 00:14:56,313
‐ I'm an idiot. I'm a fucking idiot.
BOTH: Oh, yeah!

359
00:14:56,313 --> 00:14:57,606
‐ Hey, you guys want to hear
a poem I just wrote?

360
00:14:57,606 --> 00:14:58,482
‐ Fuck yes, dude!

361
00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:03,111
‐ This is the greatest night ever.
I have a nickname.

362
00:15:03,111 --> 00:15:06,657
They're calling me Yummy Bear.
‐ You are such a Yummy Bear.

363
00:15:06,657 --> 00:15:08,617
That's so you.
‐ Right?

364
00:15:08,617 --> 00:15:11,161
Hey, uh, I'm sorry I've been such a dick.

365
00:15:11,161 --> 00:15:13,747
I know you just wanted to hang out
and I guess I was jealous.

366
00:15:14,373 --> 00:15:17,626
‐ You were a dick.
But it's okay now.

367
00:15:17,626 --> 00:15:19,711
♪ dramatic music playing ♪

368
00:15:19,711 --> 00:15:22,422
♪

369
00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:27,302
[grunting]

370
00:15:30,931 --> 00:15:32,474
[cackles]

371
00:15:38,105 --> 00:15:40,315
‐ The makeup here is marked up
1,000 percent.

372
00:15:40,315 --> 00:15:42,901
All these costumes are so slutty.
‐ Keep it together, Korvo.

373
00:15:42,901 --> 00:15:44,444
He wants you stressed.

374
00:15:51,201 --> 00:15:52,452
[groans]

375
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:54,204
‐ Fuck you!
‐ There he is, get him.

376
00:15:54,204 --> 00:15:55,664
[babbling]

377
00:15:56,415 --> 00:15:57,499
‐ Where did he go?

378
00:15:57,499 --> 00:15:59,459
[Red Goobler cackling]

379
00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:02,087
‐ Fuck, I hate this kind of place.
I hate mirrors, goddamn it.

380
00:16:02,087 --> 00:16:04,464
This is so scary.
‐ [cackling]

381
00:16:08,343 --> 00:16:10,345
[cackling continues]

382
00:16:20,272 --> 00:16:23,358
‐ So apparently I'm buying a van,
writing a cookbook,

383
00:16:23,358 --> 00:16:24,902
and maybe marrying Mark Melner.

384
00:16:24,902 --> 00:16:27,321
‐ Lucky, I always thought
he'd make a good dad.

385
00:16:27,321 --> 00:16:29,489
Oh, hey, what's up, girl?

386
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:30,574
[growls]

387
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:33,827
[screams]

388
00:16:34,745 --> 00:16:36,747
‐ What the heck?
Staci K?

389
00:16:37,956 --> 00:16:39,124
‐ I'll kill you!

390
00:16:39,124 --> 00:16:41,210
[all growling]

391
00:16:47,299 --> 00:16:50,177
‐ Oh, shit, your dumb pollen
must have mixed with my cool pollen

392
00:16:50,177 --> 00:16:51,470
and turned everyone into crazies.

393
00:16:51,470 --> 00:16:53,805
‐ Ah! Cripes.
‐ Come on, let's get out of here.

394
00:16:53,805 --> 00:16:55,474
[grunting]

395
00:17:04,149 --> 00:17:05,943
‐ Stay calm.
You're the man, Korvo.

396
00:17:05,943 --> 00:17:07,611
You're a sexy hunk.
Keep it together.

397
00:17:07,611 --> 00:17:09,821
TERRY: Korvo, where are you?
Don't stress, man.

398
00:17:09,821 --> 00:17:11,657
We can still get him.
Oh, my God!

399
00:17:11,657 --> 00:17:13,408
‐ What?
‐ They have mini Japanese Kit Kats

400
00:17:13,408 --> 00:17:14,326
in all sorts of flavors.

401
00:17:14,326 --> 00:17:16,119
[Red Goobler babbling]

402
00:17:18,455 --> 00:17:19,373
‐ No!
‐ Busted.

403
00:17:19,373 --> 00:17:20,958
‐ Check us out, bitch.
‐ [groans]

404
00:17:23,377 --> 00:17:25,462
♪ dramatic music playing ♪

405
00:17:25,462 --> 00:17:28,465
♪

406
00:17:36,515 --> 00:17:38,475
[rumbling]

407
00:17:38,934 --> 00:17:40,936
[animals clamoring]

408
00:17:42,896 --> 00:17:44,147
[Red Goobler babbling]

409
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:47,317
‐ Explain to me again why
we aren't just killing this A‐hole.

410
00:17:47,317 --> 00:17:49,319
‐ If we do then, in a way, he wins.

411
00:17:49,319 --> 00:17:51,738
Maybe by cutting him open
and studying his insides,

412
00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:54,408
I can learn how to control my stress
instead of just avoiding it.

413
00:17:54,408 --> 00:17:55,868
‐ Aw, that's nice, Korvo.

414
00:17:55,868 --> 00:17:57,744
But I still say we light
this little cunt on fire.

415
00:17:57,744 --> 00:17:59,037
‐ Oh, language, Terry.
‐ Sorry.

416
00:17:59,037 --> 00:18:00,873
I'm just all jacked up
on green tea Kit Kats.

417
00:18:00,873 --> 00:18:03,876
‐ Uh, guys, we have a big problem
that Jesse caused.

418
00:18:03,876 --> 00:18:06,628
‐ We grew flowers on our heads.
We know it's a puberty thing

419
00:18:06,628 --> 00:18:08,797
and that we're turning into adults.
‐ What's "poo‐berty"?

420
00:18:08,797 --> 00:18:12,092
‐ You know, when humans grow hair
and bleed out of their penises and stuff.

421
00:18:12,092 --> 00:18:13,177
‐ Oh, my God.
‐ Oh, that's awful.

422
00:18:13,177 --> 00:18:15,262
‐ You're not a human.
You don't get to have a puberty.

423
00:18:15,262 --> 00:18:18,098
You grow into our size and then
eventually turn into a wise old tree.

424
00:18:18,098 --> 00:18:20,517
And if you're lucky,
someone uses your body to build a house.

425
00:18:20,517 --> 00:18:22,644
This is just fungus you get
from not washing your hands.

426
00:18:22,644 --> 00:18:24,771
‐ You gotta wash those hands.
‐ It's fine as long as you didn't let

427
00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:26,732
your pollens mix
and infect anyone, all right?

428
00:18:27,482 --> 00:18:30,485
The only way to stop this infection
is to inject the serum under their skin.

429
00:18:30,485 --> 00:18:33,071
But we can't let them bite us
or we'll turn crazy too.

430
00:18:33,071 --> 00:18:35,657
Which is why we have to use
these emergency medical weapons.

431
00:18:35,657 --> 00:18:37,367
‐ We get to cut people up?
‐ It doesn't hurt them.

432
00:18:37,367 --> 00:18:40,495
The cuts all heal themselves because
of the sci‐fi goo the blades emit.

433
00:18:40,495 --> 00:18:42,164
‐ Lame.
‐ But wouldn't it be safer

434
00:18:42,164 --> 00:18:43,665
to use, like, a dart or something?

435
00:18:43,665 --> 00:18:44,833
‐ You want to use a dart?
Okay, yeah.

436
00:18:44,833 --> 00:18:46,793
Go ahead, use a dart.
This is way cooler than a dart.

437
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:48,837
‐ Let's go stab some kids
and save some lives.

438
00:18:48,837 --> 00:18:50,964
♪ dramatic music playing ♪

439
00:18:50,964 --> 00:18:53,926
♪

440
00:18:53,926 --> 00:18:55,219
[screams]

441
00:19:03,852 --> 00:19:05,020
‐ Thank you.

442
00:19:05,354 --> 00:19:06,939
‐ Oh, eat it!

443
00:19:08,357 --> 00:19:10,192
Yes!
‐ Thanks, man.

444
00:19:14,196 --> 00:19:17,741
‐ I'm sorry, I'm healing you.
You're welcome, I love you.

445
00:19:17,741 --> 00:19:19,159
‐ Wow, thanks.

446
00:19:31,630 --> 00:19:33,549
‐ Don't worry, they won't
remember any of this.

447
00:19:33,549 --> 00:19:35,551
‐ But they're gonna remember
I'm cool, right?

448
00:19:35,551 --> 00:19:37,553
‐ No, at best,
they'll remember that you aren't.

449
00:19:48,105 --> 00:19:49,815
[grunting]

450
00:19:57,906 --> 00:20:00,617
‐ Oh, thanks, man.
‐ Yeah, no problem.

451
00:20:00,617 --> 00:20:02,703
♪ soft music playing ♪

452
00:20:03,787 --> 00:20:06,331
[barking]
[quacking]

453
00:20:16,341 --> 00:20:17,342
[bell rings]

454
00:20:17,926 --> 00:20:20,929
‐ Whoa, dude, what are you doing?
‐ Sitting with my party buds.

455
00:20:20,929 --> 00:20:22,681
Last night was crazy, right?
‐ Bro.

456
00:20:22,681 --> 00:20:26,226
This table's for air podders only.
‐ I could turn into a pod.

457
00:20:26,226 --> 00:20:29,188
‐ No way, man.
Pod save this seat for someone else.

458
00:20:31,356 --> 00:20:34,443
‐ Sorry, Yummy Bear.
Same thing happened to me with the Stacis.

459
00:20:34,443 --> 00:20:37,571
They told me to take my flat ass
back to Planet Mexico.

460
00:20:37,571 --> 00:20:39,865
‐ Everyone who's awesome and cool
is such a jerk.

461
00:20:39,865 --> 00:20:42,659
I'm a jerk all the time,
but it never gets me anywhere.

462
00:20:42,659 --> 00:20:45,996
‐ Hey, uh, we heard you guys
were at that crazy party last night.

463
00:20:45,996 --> 00:20:47,623
‐ Who said it was crazy?
No one got stabbed.

464
00:20:47,623 --> 00:20:50,209
‐ Oh, no, no, no.
We haven't been to any of those parties.

465
00:20:50,209 --> 00:20:51,668
We just want to hear about it.

466
00:20:51,668 --> 00:20:54,463
‐ So first, we were all
hanging out at Barn's house.

467
00:20:54,463 --> 00:20:58,133
‐ Was it in a real barn?
‐ No, it was Cooper Barn's house.

468
00:20:58,133 --> 00:21:02,638
Apparently, cool kids
call each other by their last name.

469
00:21:02,638 --> 00:21:03,972
ALL: Ooh.

470
00:21:09,394 --> 00:21:10,812
‐ [Red Goobler babbling]
‐ Ah!

471
00:21:14,608 --> 00:21:16,693
♪ dramatic music playing ♪

472
00:21:16,693 --> 00:21:18,570
♪

473
00:21:21,573 --> 00:21:25,994
‐ Wake up, you little slut.
It's time me and you had it out.

474
00:21:26,745 --> 00:21:28,163
What the?

475
00:21:28,497 --> 00:21:29,748
[gasps]

476
00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:32,960
No. No, no, no, no, no, no.

477
00:21:34,545 --> 00:21:37,172
This is a regular goob‐‐
‐ Terry, have you seen my tennis racket?

478
00:21:37,756 --> 00:21:40,384
I've noticed that women who play tennis
are particularly dominant.

479
00:21:40,384 --> 00:21:43,095
I have a better chance of
finding an assertive mate while‐‐

480
00:21:43,095 --> 00:21:45,013
What, where is the red goobler?
‐ I killed him.

481
00:21:45,013 --> 00:21:46,640
‐ Damn, Terry, that's cold.
‐ Yeah.

482
00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:49,268
I just, um, I knew as long
as he was alive,

483
00:21:49,268 --> 00:21:50,978
you would always worry
about him escaping,

484
00:21:50,978 --> 00:21:53,564
and I wanted you to have,
just, less stress in your life.

485
00:21:53,564 --> 00:21:55,983
I care about you, man.
So I chopped up his body

486
00:21:55,983 --> 00:21:59,027
and I fed it to the pigs,
and I shot the pigs into space.

487
00:21:59,027 --> 00:22:01,363
So don't worry, those pigs are safe.
No, they're not.

488
00:22:01,363 --> 00:22:03,907
‐ That is the nicest thing
anyone's ever done for me.

489
00:22:03,907 --> 00:22:05,158
Thank you, Terry.

490
00:22:06,910 --> 00:22:09,413
Oh, I feel so relaxed.
I took a bath.

491
00:22:09,413 --> 00:22:11,248
Just a soak.
Didn't even wash my junk.

492
00:22:11,248 --> 00:22:13,500
Nobody's hunting me anymore
and it feels good, Terry.

493
00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:15,335
It feels right.
‐ Uh, yep, feels great. Good night.

494
00:22:15,335 --> 00:22:18,714
‐ Ah, I will now enjoy
the stress‐free sleep of safety,

495
00:22:18,714 --> 00:22:21,008
knowing that no one out there
is playing the long game

496
00:22:21,008 --> 00:22:23,468
waiting for me to drop my guard,
or‐or anything like that.

497
00:22:23,844 --> 00:22:24,970
Ah.

498
00:22:25,971 --> 00:22:27,806
[babbling]

499
00:22:31,185 --> 00:22:33,312
[seagulls cawing]

500
00:22:33,312 --> 00:22:35,397
♪ tense music playing ♪

501
00:22:35,397 --> 00:22:38,400
♪

502
00:22:43,488 --> 00:22:45,157
[cackling]

503
00:23:32,663 --> 00:23:34,164
Pew‐pew, pew‐pew‐pew!