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♪
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♪ Candy cane moose ♪
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♪ We've had
since Tina was born ♪
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♪ People think
you're a reindeer ♪
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♪ But you're not,
you're a moose. ♪
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With a little red nose.
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Aw.
8
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I still feel like it's too soon
to take these down.
9
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It's only been a week
since Christmas.
10
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Eight days, Mom.
Which I happen to know
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because I've been trying
to solve this stupid thing
12
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since Christmas!
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Come on, little ball.
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Get out of your cage.
Get out of your cage!
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My stocking stuffer
brings only joy and peace.
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Gene? Gene?
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- You said you were taking
a little break?
- What?
18
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I couldn't hear you
over my harmonica.
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Is that hat for your hands?
Have I been wearing hats wrong?
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No. Santa thought my head
was a little smaller,
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so I'm just stretching it out.
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So, you're still
putting Christmas stuff away?
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Yeah. Say sweet dreams
to the clothespin angel.
24
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- Sweet dreams, clothespin angel.
- Kiss 'em.
25
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- What?
- Kiss 'em.
26
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No. No, thank you.
27
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I don't want to kiss
any more ornaments, Lin.
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That's kind of why
I went into the kitchen.
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Also to juice
with my antique juicer
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that you got me
which I love more than life.
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- That you told me to get you.
- Yeah, and I was right
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about how good a gift
that would be.
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Just like the perfume
that I got you.
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I love my perfume.
35
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Joy by Joy Behar.
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Just brings so much joy.
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I miss your old smell
of grease and crackers.
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So, do you need us
to keep helping
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with this incredibly long
taking down the tree process?
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No, you guys helped
the first three hours.
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- It's fine.
- Well, in that case,
42
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I'd like to intro-juice you
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to Orange Lemon Basil.
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I can't wait to taste
the difference
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between this
and Orange Lemon Mint.
46
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Uh, forget Orange Lemon Mint.
I was a different person then.
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Okay,
done with ornaments. Moving on
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to holiday cards.
Aw, look at 'em.
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All the beautiful,
smiling families
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telling me Season's Greetings.
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All the teenagers
going through awkward phases.
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- Oh, yeah,
a bunch of other Tinas.
- What?
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You know, I don't think we got
as many cards as we usually get.
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Maybe we're being shunned?
Because they're all jealous
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of our perfect skin
and our long, long lashes?
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Oh, my God.
We are being shunned.
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We're getting taken off of
people's Christmas card lists.
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Why would we get taken off
people's Christmas card lists?
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Because of our long,
long lashes?
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No, because I couldn't
get it together this year
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to send our card out.
Or last year.
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And that's how it happens.
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You stop giving,
you stop getting.
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- Like high fives?
- Yeah.
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Right.
So, why didn't you send one out?
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- Seems easy enough.
- Well, excuse me, Miss Missy.
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Hardest thing of all is getting
a good picture of this family.
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It's like wrangling
a bunch of muddy babies.
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You people
probably don't remember
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the last picture we sent out,
but I do.
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Tina's eyes were half-shut,
Gene was all blurry,
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and Louise
was doing a serial killer face.
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And that was the good picture.
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You mean
this serial killer face?
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- Yes. Uh, stop it.
- Stop what?
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Stop it. Ugh. Look how good
these pictures are.
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Look at my cousin Valerie
and her family on that cruise.
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They were all pointing
towards land or a whale
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or a dolphin.
And ours was in a grocery store.
80
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That was the best we could do,
81
00:03:05,928 --> 00:03:08,072
standing in front
of that pineapple display.
82
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Oh, my God, pineapple.
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Bob, for a minute,
stop with the juice.
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- Uh, never.
- Remember that year
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we tried to take our picture
in that guy's yard
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because he had a nice fountain,
87
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and then he came out
and got real mad?
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Why have a fountain if you won't
let people do a Friends in it?
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Lin, I think you're being
too hard on yourself.
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They're just cards. We'll take
a good picture next year.
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It's not a big deal.
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Not a big deal?!
93
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Um, I-I mean, isn't that true?
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Thin card that gets thrown away?
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- Not a big deal?
Uh, why is your eye twitching?
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And she's kind of balling up
her hands into fists.
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Linda, breathe. Bob doesn't know
what he's talking about.
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You know what?
It's still January, right?
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- I mean, yes?
- It's January somewhere.
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So, 'tis still the season,
sorta.
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We're still in the winter.
We still have time, right?
102
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- For what?
- If we went out somewhere nice
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to take a picture today,
104
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we could get cards
printed tomorrow,
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send them and still be in
the holiday card-giving window.
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We'd be back in
the card-getting business, baby.
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Uh, w-wait, today? I mean...
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Come on! You know it's gonna be
a slow day at the restaurant.
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Everyone's still on
winter break, winter breaking.
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I just figured that if it's
a slow day in the restaurant,
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I could play... I mean, work...
With the new juicer
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that you so thoughtfully got
for me,
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my great love.
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Yeah, and this is
our last day of freedom
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before we have to go back
to school.
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Today, my only plan
is to sit on my butt
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and solve
this fun/infuriating puzzle.
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Aah! Dang it.
119
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I was planning on becoming
a harmonica virtuoso today.
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Gene, buddy?
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Please? You're killing me.
You are killing me.
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Everybody, we're doing this.
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So, come on, get dressed!
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- Let's go. Let's go. Go, go, go!
- No!
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All right!
And I found the perfect place.
126
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I looked it up, and it's
gorgeous. We're on our way.
127
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Uh, wait,
what's the name of this place?
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Eh, don't worry about the name.
129
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Wh-Why don't worry
about the name?
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It's, uh,
it's called something lookout.
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- Okay.
- Three Mile Lookout.
132
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What does that mean?
You can see for three miles?
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- Whoa.
- Yeah, maybe.
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Or, uh, or because it's
a three-mile walk to get there.
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-What?
-What? Let me out!
-What? Pull over!
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- Drive, Bob, drive!
Put the child locks on.
137
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- What? We-we don't have
child locks.
- Just drive.
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Three Mile Lookout,
here we come.
139
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Then it's just a three-mile walk
to a beautiful lookout.
140
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- Mm.
- You're not my mother right now.
141
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Oh, I can just see it.
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Us in nature.
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Everyone smiling,
looking at the camera.
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Some of us wearing hats?
145
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What do you think?
Pom-pom to the left?
146
00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:27,440
Pom-pom to the right?
Left? Or right?
147
00:05:27,536 --> 00:05:29,139
- Left? Right?
- Tina, shh.
148
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- Busy. Puzzle.
- Okay, but real quick?
149
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Anyone have any requests,
or shall I just riff?
150
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- Aah!
- Tina.
151
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- Sorry.
- Hey, kid in the middle.
152
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Okay, I need room
to work here, people.
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- Ow.
- Ow.
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Kids, no fighting.
When we take this picture,
155
00:05:41,583 --> 00:05:43,227
everyone's got to smile
and mean it.
156
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No grouchy grumps.
Bob, that goes for you, too.
157
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- Are you still made
that I'm making you walk?
- Yes.
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I love you.
159
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In my head,
I'm juicing right now.
160
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Here, Bob, take the snacks.
I got the camera.
161
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- I'll take the snacks
- N-No, no, that's okay, Gene.
162
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- I-I got it.
- Ah, you don't trust me.
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- And rightly so.
- Hey.
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Going for a nice winter hike,
huh?
165
00:06:04,848 --> 00:06:06,347
No. We're here against our will.
166
00:06:06,441 --> 00:06:08,086
- Wait, what?
- No.
167
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We didn't kidnap them.
168
00:06:09,595 --> 00:06:10,680
Oh, well, that's a relief.
169
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,349
Now I don't have to fill out
that form.
170
00:06:12,373 --> 00:06:13,666
You know, actually,
we're here to take
171
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a perfect holiday family photo.
172
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Isn't it a little too late
for that?
173
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No!
It's still during the window.
174
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- Uh, Lin.
- What?
175
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Well, you guys seem great.
Okay, be safe, don't litter,
176
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and no kicking pine cones.
They don't like it.
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Mom, you know what I'm thinking?
178
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This parking lot
is absolutely breathtaking.
179
00:06:30,206 --> 00:06:31,781
We should take the picture here.
180
00:06:31,875 --> 00:06:33,783
Oh, yeah. That's a great idea.
181
00:06:33,877 --> 00:06:36,636
So artistic if we did it,
actually, just right here.
182
00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:39,956
What? No. We're taking
a really, really nice picture.
183
00:06:40,049 --> 00:06:42,125
It's our big comeback.
We're going up.
184
00:06:42,218 --> 00:06:44,105
Wait, "up"?
There's "up" involved in this?
185
00:06:44,129 --> 00:06:45,720
Yes. It's called a lookout.
186
00:06:45,814 --> 00:06:47,464
You have to go up to look out.
187
00:06:47,557 --> 00:06:49,794
Everywhere's a lookout.
I'm looking out right now.
188
00:06:49,818 --> 00:06:52,636
No. Come on. Everyone, practice
your smiles and follow me.
189
00:07:03,148 --> 00:07:06,166
Thank you.
190
00:07:09,821 --> 00:07:11,983
The air's thinner up here,
right? Is the air thinner?
191
00:07:12,007 --> 00:07:15,078
People shouldn't walk up hills.
Gravity doesn't want us up here.
192
00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:17,994
Did a bird poop twice
on you guys, too?
193
00:07:18,087 --> 00:07:21,181
Oh, it's even better
than I imagined.
194
00:07:22,517 --> 00:07:24,403
Okay, take a minute
to get yourselves camera-ready.
195
00:07:24,427 --> 00:07:25,835
Tina, get that poop off.
196
00:07:25,929 --> 00:07:27,428
Do I have time for a blowout?
197
00:07:27,597 --> 00:07:29,931
My glam squad
is about 20 minutes behind us.
198
00:07:30,099 --> 00:07:31,139
Not this time, baby.
199
00:07:31,176 --> 00:07:32,256
Bob, you're steaming.
200
00:07:32,344 --> 00:07:33,988
Maybe try to get that
under control?
201
00:07:34,012 --> 00:07:35,915
Okay. I'll try to stop.
202
00:07:35,939 --> 00:07:37,750
You look like a Cup O' Noodles
over there.
203
00:07:37,774 --> 00:07:39,343
All right, I'm gonna try
and figure out this timer.
204
00:07:39,367 --> 00:07:40,603
These things are easy, right?
205
00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:43,353
Oops! Wait, is this
on ten seconds or three?
206
00:07:43,446 --> 00:07:44,499
Hold on.
207
00:07:44,523 --> 00:07:45,947
Aah! I pressed the timer.
208
00:07:46,115 --> 00:07:47,448
Why'd it take a picture?
209
00:07:47,617 --> 00:07:49,261
- Aah!
- Lin, do you want help?
210
00:07:49,285 --> 00:07:50,543
No, no, I got it.
211
00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:53,287
- Oh, come on!
- Uh, h-here, let me try.
212
00:07:53,456 --> 00:07:54,767
Okay, I think we're set.
213
00:07:54,791 --> 00:07:56,286
- Butt shot.
- Nice!
214
00:07:57,978 --> 00:07:59,530
Geez,
what kind of timer is this?
215
00:07:59,554 --> 00:08:01,705
Who can move that fast?
Cheetah people?
216
00:08:01,798 --> 00:08:03,707
I mean, we're Cheeto people.
217
00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:06,059
Okay. Oh, I think
I just reset the date.
218
00:08:06,228 --> 00:08:08,523
And I might have taken, like,
30 pictures up my nose.
219
00:08:08,547 --> 00:08:10,747
- There's your Christmas card.
- Oh, ratzafratz!
220
00:08:10,899 --> 00:08:12,979
Uh, maybe we don't
all have to be in it?
221
00:08:13,068 --> 00:08:15,401
Maybe I take it,
and you can tell everyone
222
00:08:15,554 --> 00:08:17,979
that I left you
to join the Army,
223
00:08:18,073 --> 00:08:20,193
and you're bravely carrying on
without me.
224
00:08:20,316 --> 00:08:23,484
Even though I'm braver
because I joined the Army.
225
00:08:23,578 --> 00:08:25,912
I already thought of that.
Doesn't work.
226
00:08:26,064 --> 00:08:27,542
What if people see you
in the restaurant?
227
00:08:27,566 --> 00:08:29,606
Can't you just say
he's Dad's hot twin?
228
00:08:29,659 --> 00:08:31,821
-This plan is perfect.
I like it.
-All right, we're doing
229
00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:33,564
the hot-twin-Army-Dad plan.
Let's do this.
230
00:08:33,588 --> 00:08:35,180
Oh! Hikers!
231
00:08:35,407 --> 00:08:37,849
- Hello! Hi!
- Uh, yeah?
232
00:08:38,076 --> 00:08:40,260
Uh, can you take our picture?
233
00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:43,096
Uh, okay! Just,
we're very far away from you!
234
00:08:43,265 --> 00:08:45,385
You won't be able
to make out your faces!
235
00:08:45,417 --> 00:08:47,228
Oh, no, not from over there!
Over here!
236
00:08:47,252 --> 00:08:49,769
On our camera! Please!
237
00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:51,841
We need a family picture!
It's an emergency!
238
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,606
Oh, okay!
239
00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:56,034
Oh, thank you so much.
We really appreciate it.
240
00:08:56,261 --> 00:08:58,542
Sure. It wasn't
too far out of the way.
241
00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:00,258
- It was pretty far.
- It was pretty far.
242
00:09:00,282 --> 00:09:02,018
Louise, put the toy down.
Come on. We're doing this.
243
00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:03,708
Fine, I'll do it behind my back.
244
00:09:03,860 --> 00:09:06,378
Okay, everyone squish in
and say "ravioli."
245
00:09:06,529 --> 00:09:08,547
Ravioli.
246
00:09:08,698 --> 00:09:10,026
- Got it.
- You know what?
247
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:11,383
Could you just take a few more
248
00:09:11,552 --> 00:09:13,443
- just for safety?
- Okay.
249
00:09:13,612 --> 00:09:15,681
All right, everyone's eyes open?
Bob, you still steamy?
250
00:09:15,705 --> 00:09:18,448
Wait, I was talking.
Can you take it again?
251
00:09:18,541 --> 00:09:20,611
You know, I know
it doesn't really matter,
252
00:09:20,635 --> 00:09:22,539
but can you smile
while you take it?
253
00:09:22,563 --> 00:09:24,448
I think we'll get
a better smile out of the kids.
254
00:09:24,472 --> 00:09:26,565
Right?
Your face is kind of tight.
255
00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:29,383
- Okay, thank you!
- All right.
256
00:09:29,477 --> 00:09:31,127
We're done. Let's go.
257
00:09:31,220 --> 00:09:32,364
- Oh, they're awful.
- What?
258
00:09:32,388 --> 00:09:34,388
Bad. They're all bad.
259
00:09:34,482 --> 00:09:36,966
Shadow. Shadow.
Ugh, they're all in shadow.
260
00:09:37,135 --> 00:09:39,055
And Gene's completely
turned around in this one.
261
00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:42,039
- I had to go.
- Maybe silhouette
could be our thing?
262
00:09:42,065 --> 00:09:44,185
Like, you can't see our faces.
Who are we?
263
00:09:44,309 --> 00:09:46,233
Like, a-a mystery card.
264
00:09:46,402 --> 00:09:47,805
Oh, her stupid thumb's
in this one.
265
00:09:47,829 --> 00:09:49,421
Ugh. Stick to hiking, sweetie.
266
00:09:49,648 --> 00:09:52,924
Okay, so, I guess we wait
for another hiker to come along?
267
00:09:53,151 --> 00:09:55,511
- Maybe it'll be Annie Leibovitz.
- I have a better idea.
268
00:09:55,596 --> 00:09:57,796
We make a hang glider
out of Dad's underwear,
269
00:09:57,989 --> 00:09:59,242
and we glide down
to the parking lot
270
00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:00,577
- and go home.
- That sounds nice.
271
00:10:00,601 --> 00:10:02,416
Oh, I got the timer working!
272
00:10:02,510 --> 00:10:03,988
We don't need
any more dumb hikers!
273
00:10:04,012 --> 00:10:06,605
And we're switching locations.
The sun's facing that way.
274
00:10:06,832 --> 00:10:08,084
You people stand there.
275
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:10,161
I'm putting the camera here
on this nice rock.
276
00:10:10,185 --> 00:10:12,589
Hello, rock.
Thank you for being here.
277
00:10:12,613 --> 00:10:15,096
Kids, you'll be back in
your jammies before you can say,
278
00:10:15,190 --> 00:10:16,909
"Oh, my God,
what a great Christmas card."
279
00:10:16,933 --> 00:10:19,342
Okay, but I'm pretty sure
I used up all my fierceness.
280
00:10:19,435 --> 00:10:21,661
Wait, I found a little more. Mm.
281
00:10:23,773 --> 00:10:25,918
- Oh, this is it!
This is the moment.
282
00:10:25,942 --> 00:10:27,867
Smile, people. Smile, please.
283
00:10:28,019 --> 00:10:29,939
- I'll never ask
for anything again.
- Wait, my hat.
284
00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:31,590
Wait, my this.
285
00:10:31,614 --> 00:10:33,258
- Gene.
- Bob! Bob, smile.
286
00:10:33,282 --> 00:10:35,445
- Everyone, you're not smiling!
- Oh, whoops.
287
00:10:35,469 --> 00:10:36,929
Yay, Dad!
288
00:10:36,953 --> 00:10:38,987
Okay. Okay.
289
00:10:39,047 --> 00:10:41,047
Okay.
290
00:10:42,625 --> 00:10:45,201
Uh, oh, no. Is it that bad?
291
00:10:45,294 --> 00:10:47,704
- Is it Tina's hat?
- No! Oh, God, no.
292
00:10:47,797 --> 00:10:49,463
It's... it's...
293
00:10:49,632 --> 00:10:51,708
- Yeah?
- It's perfect.
294
00:10:51,877 --> 00:10:52,945
It's more than perfect.
295
00:10:52,969 --> 00:10:54,947
It's-it's the picture
I have in my head
296
00:10:54,971 --> 00:10:56,396
when I think of you guys.
297
00:10:56,490 --> 00:10:58,139
It's that double fart magic.
298
00:10:58,233 --> 00:11:00,400
- So does that mean...
- We got it?
299
00:11:00,568 --> 00:11:01,976
We got it!
300
00:11:02,070 --> 00:11:03,789
- Oh, thank God.
- Oh, yeah!
301
00:11:03,813 --> 00:11:05,049
First one to the car
gets to drive.
302
00:11:05,073 --> 00:11:06,073
Okay.
303
00:11:06,241 --> 00:11:07,660
Oh, thanks, everyone.
304
00:11:07,684 --> 00:11:10,037
I know it was a long day
and exercise is very difficult
305
00:11:10,061 --> 00:11:12,039
and awkward for this family,
but this is really...
306
00:11:12,063 --> 00:11:13,708
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
307
00:11:16,234 --> 00:11:18,584
No...!
308
00:11:18,753 --> 00:11:20,639
Got it! I got it.
I got the camera.
309
00:11:20,663 --> 00:11:22,049
Thank God.
310
00:11:22,073 --> 00:11:23,833
Oh, that was close.
Okay, I'm pullin' it out.
311
00:11:25,593 --> 00:11:27,238
- Oh. Oh, no.
- What, "oh, no"?
312
00:11:27,262 --> 00:11:29,314
The hole's not wide enough
for my hand and the camera.
313
00:11:29,338 --> 00:11:30,763
Wh-What are you talking about?
314
00:11:30,932 --> 00:11:33,152
I can't get my arm out without
lettin' go of the camera,
315
00:11:33,176 --> 00:11:34,693
and if I let go of the camera...
316
00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:36,436
Yeah, that would be bad.
317
00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:39,346
Should I play a mournful blues?
318
00:11:39,441 --> 00:11:41,921
-Probably not. -I should. -♪ ♪
319
00:11:45,430 --> 00:11:47,258
Okay, okay, maybe we can...
320
00:11:47,282 --> 00:11:49,933
Ow, ow, no. Mommy's elbow
doesn't go that way.
321
00:11:50,026 --> 00:11:51,837
I can't see any way
to get the camera.
322
00:11:51,861 --> 00:11:53,141
I can't reach it from any angle.
323
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:55,772
Uh, maybe if we had
a trained bird?
324
00:11:55,865 --> 00:11:57,273
Oh, now you want a trained bird.
325
00:11:57,366 --> 00:12:00,367
Before Christmas it's all,
"We can't get a trained bird."
326
00:12:00,462 --> 00:12:02,198
Maybe we could try to train
that squirrel?
327
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:03,629
Hi... Oh, he's gone.
328
00:12:03,798 --> 00:12:05,702
Okay, what if we drop
the camera...
329
00:12:05,726 --> 00:12:08,468
Wait, hear me out...
And not do this anymore?
330
00:12:08,562 --> 00:12:09,802
Ooh, he likes it. He likes it.
331
00:12:09,955 --> 00:12:10,970
She's frowning.
332
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:14,785
Lin, at some point
we might have to consider
333
00:12:14,809 --> 00:12:16,049
saying goodbye to the camera.
334
00:12:16,144 --> 00:12:17,643
No. Never.
335
00:12:17,796 --> 00:12:19,990
The best picture our family has
ever taken is on this thing.
336
00:12:20,014 --> 00:12:21,406
You didn't see it. I saw it!
337
00:12:21,633 --> 00:12:23,535
It was like a... a fairy tale,
338
00:12:23,559 --> 00:12:25,410
but in... but in real life.
339
00:12:25,637 --> 00:12:28,062
But maybe we don't need a
picture on the Christmas card.
340
00:12:28,231 --> 00:12:30,139
Just some nice words?
341
00:12:30,233 --> 00:12:31,302
I'm ready
with the bubble letters.
342
00:12:31,326 --> 00:12:33,287
Oh, Tina,
I love your bubble letters,
343
00:12:33,311 --> 00:12:35,122
but that's the worst idea
anyone's ever had.
344
00:12:35,146 --> 00:12:36,662
Okay, let me try something.
345
00:12:36,757 --> 00:12:38,459
Hey, Mom, can you show me how
to eat corn on the cob again?
346
00:12:38,483 --> 00:12:40,483
I forget how and I need to know.
347
00:12:40,576 --> 00:12:42,243
For school. Uh, corn school.
348
00:12:42,337 --> 00:12:44,131
Uh-uh.
I'm not fallin' for the old
349
00:12:44,155 --> 00:12:46,467
"How do I eat corn on the cob"
trick. Who even knows.
350
00:12:46,491 --> 00:12:48,602
- Damn, she's good.
- Maybe I try something.
351
00:12:48,626 --> 00:12:50,918
Hey, Mom,
what number comes after nine?
352
00:12:51,012 --> 00:12:53,605
- What? Ten.
- Right, but, um,
353
00:12:53,832 --> 00:12:55,912
show me on your fingers
how many ten is.
354
00:12:55,959 --> 00:12:58,425
For, um, corn school. Crap.
355
00:12:58,594 --> 00:13:01,257
-Nope.
-Mom, I need a hug.
A two-armer.
356
00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:02,908
Uh-uh, Gene. Hug your father.
357
00:13:02,932 --> 00:13:04,765
All right, Dad, let's do this.
358
00:13:04,934 --> 00:13:07,844
♪ Pushin' the rocks,
pushin' the rocks ♪
359
00:13:07,937 --> 00:13:10,604
♪ Pushin' and pullin'
and pushin' the rocks ♪
360
00:13:10,773 --> 00:13:12,849
♪ Kickin' the rocks,
lookin' good ♪
361
00:13:12,942 --> 00:13:16,035
♪ Makin' nets that fall apart. ♪
362
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:18,855
Oh, oh,
my hand's gettin' so tired.
363
00:13:18,948 --> 00:13:21,319
- Oh, no.
- Does it want to go home
and take a nap?
364
00:13:21,343 --> 00:13:23,262
Here, Mom, you can use my hat
to cushion your arm.
365
00:13:23,286 --> 00:13:25,211
Little help?
366
00:13:27,808 --> 00:13:29,268
Ah, thanks, Tina.
367
00:13:29,292 --> 00:13:30,533
That pom-pom feels nice.
368
00:13:30,626 --> 00:13:32,885
Kids, have snacks
and enjoy the day.
369
00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:34,295
Yay, snacks.
370
00:13:34,389 --> 00:13:36,539
This boy wouldn't say no
to some hot cocoa.
371
00:13:36,632 --> 00:13:38,632
Blah. What is this?!
372
00:13:38,726 --> 00:13:39,892
It-It's my juice.
373
00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:41,372
Did you put it in there
as a prank?
374
00:13:41,396 --> 00:13:42,895
No. And don't waste it.
375
00:13:43,064 --> 00:13:44,542
I-I think I juiced,
like, 30 oranges
376
00:13:44,566 --> 00:13:46,049
to fill this thing.
377
00:13:46,142 --> 00:13:47,878
This is not a juice situation,
Father.
378
00:13:47,902 --> 00:13:49,476
Gene, I will ground you so hard.
379
00:13:49,571 --> 00:13:52,313
Sorry. Sorry.
I-I just miss my juicer so much.
380
00:13:52,407 --> 00:13:54,718
Yeah, we heard you two
singing together.
381
00:13:54,742 --> 00:13:56,720
- ♪ Who likes to juice? ♪
- ♪ I like to juice. ♪
382
00:13:56,744 --> 00:13:59,337
- ♪ You like to juice? ♪
- ♪ That's what I said. ♪
383
00:13:59,564 --> 00:14:01,042
♪ Juicey, juicey, juice,
juice, juice, juice, juice ♪
384
00:14:01,066 --> 00:14:03,232
♪ I love you more than anyone. ♪
385
00:14:03,326 --> 00:14:04,895
Why couldn't you have just
juiced some hot chocolate,
386
00:14:04,919 --> 00:14:06,085
you psychopath?!
387
00:14:06,254 --> 00:14:07,753
I guess that's it.
388
00:14:07,922 --> 00:14:09,400
We're out here in the snow like
a bunch of Jeremiah Johnsons
389
00:14:09,424 --> 00:14:11,504
and there's nothin'
we can do about it.
390
00:14:11,593 --> 00:14:13,404
Louise, no one's turning
into Jeremiah Johnson.
391
00:14:13,428 --> 00:14:15,761
Also, I don't know
how you know that movie.
392
00:14:15,930 --> 00:14:17,575
It's a movie?
I just made up the name
393
00:14:17,599 --> 00:14:18,719
'cause it sounded good.
394
00:14:18,799 --> 00:14:21,025
What? No, it's a...
Oh, forget it.
395
00:14:21,252 --> 00:14:23,862
♪ ♪
396
00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:25,842
Okay, the plan to squirt
a bunch of soap down there
397
00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:28,366
and twist my arm out didn't work
'cause we don't have soap.
398
00:14:28,593 --> 00:14:30,753
And that idea to pry my arm out
with a stick
399
00:14:30,929 --> 00:14:33,446
really didn't work, and now
there's a stick stuck in here.
400
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:34,947
And my hand's gettin' numb.
401
00:14:35,083 --> 00:14:36,766
My hands are getting numb, too.
402
00:14:36,859 --> 00:14:38,354
Dang it. How am I supposed
to solve this dumb thing
403
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,044
with dumb numb hands?
404
00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:41,437
Agh! Hey, just curious...
405
00:14:41,530 --> 00:14:43,025
Are we gonna be spending
the night here?
406
00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:44,861
'Cause if so, we're gonna need
to add a few rooms
407
00:14:44,885 --> 00:14:46,109
to this thing.
408
00:14:46,202 --> 00:14:48,461
Oh. Make sure my room
has a California King.
409
00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:49,795
And I want jets in the tub.
410
00:14:49,890 --> 00:14:51,425
Lin, it's gonna start
getting dark soon,
411
00:14:51,449 --> 00:14:53,689
and we still need to hike
three miles back down.
412
00:14:53,727 --> 00:14:54,871
Also, the snacks are gone.
413
00:14:54,895 --> 00:14:56,688
Guess we're gonna have
to scavenge.
414
00:14:56,712 --> 00:14:58,207
Tina, go find that squirrel,
befriend it,
415
00:14:58,231 --> 00:14:59,542
- and then betray it.
- Fine.
416
00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:00,806
No! We're not eating squirrels
417
00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:02,527
and we're not spending
the night.
418
00:15:02,551 --> 00:15:04,402
Just leave me here.
419
00:15:04,629 --> 00:15:05,962
Uh, uh, go back down to the car.
420
00:15:06,055 --> 00:15:07,463
I'll-I'll figure it out.
421
00:15:07,556 --> 00:15:09,276
-'Kay. -Bye, Mom. -Miss you.
422
00:15:09,300 --> 00:15:11,278
Guys, no. We're not going
anywhere without your mother.
423
00:15:11,302 --> 00:15:12,485
But snacks!
424
00:15:12,637 --> 00:15:14,448
Oh, oh! I-I have a lozenge
in my pocket.
425
00:15:14,472 --> 00:15:16,806
Everyone take a lick,
and-and maybe, uh,
426
00:15:16,899 --> 00:15:18,302
huddle together to stay warm.
427
00:15:18,326 --> 00:15:20,660
Blow on each other with
your nice hot family breath.
428
00:15:20,754 --> 00:15:22,754
I'm saving my hot breath
for this.
429
00:15:22,981 --> 00:15:25,089
No!
430
00:15:25,316 --> 00:15:26,758
Oh, it's you folks again. Heh.
431
00:15:26,985 --> 00:15:28,812
That sounded like Bob Dylan
got caught in a trap.
432
00:15:28,836 --> 00:15:31,320
- Thank you.
- Would you look at that sunset?
433
00:15:31,489 --> 00:15:33,489
Wow. You folks
get a good picture?
434
00:15:33,658 --> 00:15:35,745
Uh, funny story.
435
00:15:35,769 --> 00:15:37,972
- Can it be a short story?
- Eh, it's pretty short.
436
00:15:37,996 --> 00:15:39,420
Uh, my wife dropped the camera,
437
00:15:39,514 --> 00:15:42,084
but then she caught it, now
her hand is stuck in that hole.
438
00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:44,086
Yeah, she won't let go of it,
but if she did,
439
00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:46,335
we could leave
and go to our warm house.
440
00:15:46,429 --> 00:15:47,709
Sorry, did I say that out loud?
441
00:15:47,763 --> 00:15:49,500
Mr. Ranger, here's the thing:
442
00:15:49,524 --> 00:15:51,410
the best picture
we've ever taken as a family
443
00:15:51,434 --> 00:15:52,766
is on this camera.
444
00:15:52,860 --> 00:15:54,140
I need it to make holiday cards
445
00:15:54,345 --> 00:15:56,248
because we never sent them out
the last couple years,
446
00:15:56,272 --> 00:15:57,916
and-and people
are startin' to take us off
447
00:15:57,940 --> 00:15:59,606
their card-giving lists,
448
00:15:59,775 --> 00:16:00,995
- and-and-and if we...
- Uh, sure, sure,
sure, sure, sure.
449
00:16:01,019 --> 00:16:03,110
- Look, we see this all the time.
- Really?
450
00:16:03,279 --> 00:16:05,257
No. I just wanted
to stop you from talking
451
00:16:05,281 --> 00:16:06,591
- so I can tell you something.
- Yeah?
452
00:16:06,615 --> 00:16:07,632
You have to go.
453
00:16:07,859 --> 00:16:09,278
No one can be in this park
after sunset.
454
00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:11,430
Yup, uh, we'll-we'll be outta
here in a jiff.
455
00:16:11,454 --> 00:16:13,696
Uh, I'm about to crack
this thing here.
456
00:16:13,789 --> 00:16:17,033
Well, it's sunset now,
so you have to go right now.
457
00:16:17,126 --> 00:16:18,937
This is like,
the main part of my job.
458
00:16:18,961 --> 00:16:20,772
Well, I mean, this
and cleaning the bathroom.
459
00:16:20,796 --> 00:16:22,146
Which I definitely always do.
460
00:16:22,373 --> 00:16:24,613
Well, I'm not going anywhere
without this camera.
461
00:16:24,709 --> 00:16:26,203
- You're not leaving?
- No.
462
00:16:26,227 --> 00:16:28,635
Okay.
So this is your first warning.
463
00:16:28,730 --> 00:16:30,967
Oh, um,
how many warnings are there?
464
00:16:30,991 --> 00:16:32,876
There's three, and we're
nearing warning number two.
465
00:16:32,900 --> 00:16:34,808
It's comin' around the bend.
466
00:16:34,902 --> 00:16:37,069
Here she comes,
and second warning.
467
00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:39,200
Lin, maybe just do what he says?
468
00:16:39,224 --> 00:16:41,741
I can't, Bob.
I can't let go of this camera.
469
00:16:41,893 --> 00:16:44,205
Third warning means I gotta
take away your park pass.
470
00:16:44,229 --> 00:16:45,539
We were supposed
to have a park pass?
471
00:16:45,563 --> 00:16:46,912
I mean, oh, uh-oh.
472
00:16:47,081 --> 00:16:48,542
Do you not have a park pass,
sir?
473
00:16:48,566 --> 00:16:50,008
Oh, uh, no, we do.
474
00:16:50,218 --> 00:16:54,737
I was just thinking of another,
uh, pass that we have.
475
00:16:54,906 --> 00:16:56,475
Oh, yeah.
We have so many passes.
476
00:16:56,499 --> 00:16:57,901
- I, uh, pass, pass,
pass, pass.
- We hike all the time.
477
00:16:57,925 --> 00:16:59,478
- Oh, so much. We love it.
- Yeah.
478
00:16:59,502 --> 00:17:01,388
Well, you guys
didn't let me finish.
479
00:17:01,412 --> 00:17:02,814
I'm gonna take away
your park pass,
480
00:17:02,838 --> 00:17:04,908
I issue you a ticket,
and if you don't come willingly,
481
00:17:04,932 --> 00:17:07,600
that's called,
"resisting a park ranger."
482
00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:09,861
But who can resist
a man in uniform? Sorry.
483
00:17:10,088 --> 00:17:12,208
So you're gonna have to pay
a hefty fine,
484
00:17:12,257 --> 00:17:14,497
your family's gonna
be escorted out of the park,
485
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:16,512
and that's probably
not the best way
486
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:18,536
to wrap up
a quality family outing.
487
00:17:18,763 --> 00:17:20,872
Anyway, warning number three.
488
00:17:21,023 --> 00:17:23,875
- Lin, please.
- I, uh...
489
00:17:24,026 --> 00:17:24,876
Do we have permission
to tickle her?
490
00:17:25,027 --> 00:17:26,147
Do we have permission?!
491
00:17:30,775 --> 00:17:32,010
Lin, I know this means
a lot to you,
492
00:17:32,034 --> 00:17:33,345
but there's a ranger here
who is gonna make us pay
493
00:17:33,369 --> 00:17:35,945
a lot of money
and also maybe carry you out?
494
00:17:36,038 --> 00:17:38,205
Or me out? I'm not sure which.
495
00:17:38,299 --> 00:17:40,036
- Let's play it by ear.
- Please carry me out.
496
00:17:40,060 --> 00:17:43,135
Can you just, maybe,
I'm sorry but,
497
00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:45,023
- let go of the camera?
- No way.
498
00:17:45,047 --> 00:17:47,456
I'm not throwing away
my shot of us.
499
00:17:47,550 --> 00:17:48,769
Look, folks, just to clarify,
500
00:17:48,793 --> 00:17:50,804
the third warning
is not really a warning.
501
00:17:50,828 --> 00:17:53,028
It's like the final thing,
and I just said it,
502
00:17:53,055 --> 00:17:55,798
so that means now you're gonna
get Ranger arrested.
503
00:17:55,967 --> 00:17:57,408
So, how are we gonna do this?
504
00:17:57,635 --> 00:17:59,969
Come on, Mom,
you're so obsessed!
505
00:18:00,062 --> 00:18:02,229
You gotta learn
to let things go. Literally.
506
00:18:02,323 --> 00:18:04,140
Agh! Damn you, game!
507
00:18:04,233 --> 00:18:06,120
Why did Santa curse me
with this...!
508
00:18:06,144 --> 00:18:08,402
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
509
00:18:08,496 --> 00:18:10,496
I just solved it!
510
00:18:10,665 --> 00:18:12,126
Yes. Yes!
511
00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:16,220
Okay.
Now my life has no purpose.
512
00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:18,212
That's, uh, great, Louise.
513
00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:19,913
Lin, please.
514
00:18:20,007 --> 00:18:22,916
Look, I know you all think
I'm crazy right now,
515
00:18:23,085 --> 00:18:24,822
but it's-it's more
than just a picture,
516
00:18:24,846 --> 00:18:25,995
and the-the cards.
517
00:18:26,164 --> 00:18:27,830
It's about being a human.
518
00:18:27,999 --> 00:18:29,993
These cards connect us
with other people.
519
00:18:30,017 --> 00:18:31,995
And when there's no people left
in the world,
520
00:18:32,019 --> 00:18:33,589
the aliens will find our cards,
521
00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:36,258
and they'll be like,
"Aw, look at that family."
522
00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:38,599
Oh, fine. Forget it.
523
00:18:38,767 --> 00:18:41,263
My hand's so numb,
I probably should just drop it.
524
00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:42,954
Okay, here I go.
525
00:18:43,181 --> 00:18:44,600
- Ah...
- Wait, Mom, don't.
526
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:46,811
- My puzzle.
- Yeah, I know,
you solved your puzzle.
527
00:18:46,835 --> 00:18:48,351
I'm proud of you, baby.
528
00:18:48,444 --> 00:18:49,588
Didn't take you long at all.
529
00:18:49,612 --> 00:18:50,922
Eight days.
530
00:18:50,946 --> 00:18:53,146
No, I think I know
how to get you out of there.
531
00:18:53,282 --> 00:18:54,926
- And the camera.
- You do?
532
00:18:54,950 --> 00:18:56,761
Yeah. We've been trying
to turn your arm,
533
00:18:56,785 --> 00:18:59,395
but we need to turn you.
534
00:18:59,530 --> 00:19:02,291
- Me?
- So, we'd have to turn
Mom upside down?
535
00:19:02,458 --> 00:19:04,033
I think so?
536
00:19:04,126 --> 00:19:05,955
I solved my puzzle by turning
the ball all the way around
537
00:19:05,979 --> 00:19:07,294
while pulling.
538
00:19:07,463 --> 00:19:08,773
Maybe that's how
we get you out...
539
00:19:08,797 --> 00:19:10,942
We keep turning you until
we find the sweet spot,
540
00:19:10,966 --> 00:19:12,777
and then wham-bam,
freedom, ma'am.
541
00:19:12,801 --> 00:19:13,893
Hopefully.
542
00:19:13,987 --> 00:19:15,780
- Huh.
- I mean, it's worth a try.
543
00:19:15,804 --> 00:19:17,541
I call all the change
in her pockets.
544
00:19:17,565 --> 00:19:18,805
And her ChapStick.
545
00:19:18,900 --> 00:19:21,400
Um, Mr. Ranger,
would you mind helping us
546
00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:23,310
turn my wife upside down?
547
00:19:23,404 --> 00:19:25,145
I thought you would never ask.
548
00:19:25,239 --> 00:19:27,217
-Oh. Really?
-But only because
I'm a park ranger
549
00:19:27,241 --> 00:19:29,052
and it's my job,
550
00:19:29,076 --> 00:19:30,554
and not because she just
made me cry a little bit
551
00:19:30,578 --> 00:19:31,952
and I miss my family.
552
00:19:32,005 --> 00:19:34,224
Uh, well, maybe if I grab here,
you lift there.
553
00:19:34,248 --> 00:19:35,840
Kids, take the legs.
554
00:19:35,991 --> 00:19:37,636
This is exactly how Cirque
du Soleil got their start.
555
00:19:37,660 --> 00:19:39,304
All right, we good? We ready?
556
00:19:39,328 --> 00:19:40,489
- Ready.
- Check.
557
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:41,713
And, Lin, whatever you do...
558
00:19:41,739 --> 00:19:42,859
Yeah, yeah? What, what?
559
00:19:43,074 --> 00:19:44,740
Don't drop that camera.
560
00:19:44,909 --> 00:19:47,668
Mwah. Even if my arm gets broken
into a million pieces.
561
00:19:47,762 --> 00:19:49,907
Well, no, then you should
probably drop it.
562
00:19:49,931 --> 00:19:52,190
Okay, here we go.
563
00:19:54,194 --> 00:19:56,230
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Watch it, watch it.
564
00:19:57,513 --> 00:20:00,031
Ah! We did it!
We actually did it!
565
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:01,424
Oh, my God. Hello, hand.
566
00:20:01,517 --> 00:20:03,237
Oh, come here, kids. Oh, Bobby.
567
00:20:03,261 --> 00:20:04,346
Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah.
568
00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:05,519
My family.
569
00:20:05,613 --> 00:20:07,241
I'm so happy for you guys.
570
00:20:07,265 --> 00:20:09,465
And I need you to immediately
leave the park.
571
00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:10,742
Uh, yup, right. We're going.
572
00:20:10,785 --> 00:20:12,210
Thank you, Mr. Park Ranger.
573
00:20:12,378 --> 00:20:15,120
I've solved you, wooden puzzle,
and now I'm done with you.
574
00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:17,255
Return to the hell
from which you came!
575
00:20:17,291 --> 00:20:19,528
Okay, well, please don't just
throw puzzles you're angry at
576
00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:21,432
- into the rock.
- Right. Sorry.
577
00:20:21,462 --> 00:20:24,371
And, hey, keep a lookout
in your ranger station mailbox
578
00:20:24,465 --> 00:20:26,702
for the best family portrait
card you've ever seen!
579
00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:28,968
And they walked out of my life.
580
00:20:31,639 --> 00:20:33,305
Anybody on lime time?
581
00:20:33,399 --> 00:20:35,900
- I'd love some water.
- No! No water.
582
00:20:36,127 --> 00:20:37,771
Water is stupid juice.
583
00:20:37,795 --> 00:20:40,129
Okay... who wants to see 'em?
584
00:20:40,298 --> 00:20:40,980
-Yes. -Me. -I do.
585
00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:42,573
Okay, printing's not cheap,
586
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:44,111
so don't touch 'em if your hands
are gross and greasy.
587
00:20:44,135 --> 00:20:46,280
Well, they always are
so what are you gonna do?
588
00:20:46,304 --> 00:20:47,539
- Yeah, we work in a restaurant.
- Eh?
589
00:20:47,563 --> 00:20:49,363
- Whoa.
- Ooh.
590
00:20:49,398 --> 00:20:50,801
- Hot damn.
- Wow.
591
00:20:50,825 --> 00:20:52,119
We'll never look
that good again.
592
00:20:52,143 --> 00:20:53,470
I know. Take it in.
593
00:20:53,494 --> 00:20:54,638
It's all downhill from here.
594
00:20:54,662 --> 00:20:56,087
For you, Dad, and Mom.
595
00:20:56,314 --> 00:20:58,354
- Not us. We're young.
- Thanks, Louise.
596
00:20:58,483 --> 00:21:00,127
- My wiener's out.
- What?!
597
00:21:00,151 --> 00:21:01,259
♪ Candy cane moose ♪
598
00:21:01,486 --> 00:21:03,297
♪ We've had since Tina
was born ♪
599
00:21:03,321 --> 00:21:04,982
♪ People think
you're a reindeer ♪
600
00:21:05,006 --> 00:21:07,490
♪ But you're not,
you're a moose ♪
601
00:21:07,658 --> 00:21:08,991
♪ Candy cane moose ♪
602
00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:11,080
♪ We've had since Tina
was born ♪
603
00:21:11,104 --> 00:21:12,973
♪ People think you're
a reindeer ♪
604
00:21:12,997 --> 00:21:14,997
♪ But you're not,
you're a moose ♪
605
00:21:15,166 --> 00:21:17,424
♪ Clothespin angel ♪
606
00:21:17,593 --> 00:21:19,273
♪ Clothespin angel ♪
607
00:21:19,428 --> 00:21:21,428
♪ Clothespin angel ♪
608
00:21:21,597 --> 00:21:23,096
♪ Kiss 'em, kiss 'em ♪
609
00:21:23,265 --> 00:21:25,116
♪ Clothespin angel ♪
610
00:21:25,343 --> 00:21:27,100
♪ Come on, kiss 'em, kiss 'em ♪
611
00:21:27,194 --> 00:21:29,936
♪ Clothespin angel ♪
612
00:21:30,105 --> 00:21:31,825
- ♪ Kiss 'em, kiss 'em ♪
- ♪ Yeah! ♪
613
00:21:31,849 --> 00:21:33,849
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