1 00:00:02,001 --> 00:00:04,526 ♪ [ CREEP] [hissing] 2 00:00:04,569 --> 00:00:07,050 [box hinges creaking] 3 00:00:07,094 --> 00:00:10,532 [CREEP] [muttering] 4 00:00:10,575 --> 00:00:13,013 [cackling] 5 00:00:13,056 --> 00:00:18,540 ♪ 6 00:00:18,583 --> 00:00:23,066 [sinister laughter] 7 00:00:23,110 --> 00:00:26,287 ♪ 8 00:00:29,551 --> 00:00:32,945 ♪ 9 00:00:32,989 --> 00:00:34,425 [sinister laughter] 10 00:00:34,469 --> 00:00:36,471 [thunder rumbles] 11 00:00:36,514 --> 00:00:41,606 ♪ 12 00:00:49,136 --> 00:00:55,098 ♪ 13 00:01:01,496 --> 00:01:07,458 ♪ 14 00:01:19,949 --> 00:01:23,039 - [laughs] - [thunder rumbles] 15 00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:29,654 ♪ 16 00:01:35,617 --> 00:01:42,276 ♪ 17 00:01:53,461 --> 00:01:58,466 ♪ 18 00:02:06,778 --> 00:02:10,565 ♪ 19 00:02:25,580 --> 00:02:31,151 ♪ 20 00:02:43,946 --> 00:02:50,126 ♪ 21 00:03:02,138 --> 00:03:09,580 ♪ 22 00:03:26,684 --> 00:03:34,684 ♪ 23 00:03:42,613 --> 00:03:48,924 ♪ 24 00:03:51,753 --> 00:03:53,755 JUNE: Joe? 25 00:03:53,798 --> 00:03:56,279 Joe? 26 00:03:56,323 --> 00:04:01,980 [Mummy murmuring] 27 00:04:02,024 --> 00:04:04,156 [Gillman grumbling] 28 00:04:07,508 --> 00:04:11,294 JUNE: Joe? 29 00:04:11,338 --> 00:04:13,949 Joe-Joe? 30 00:04:18,432 --> 00:04:21,783 Honey, did you hear me? I was calling you. 31 00:04:21,826 --> 00:04:23,587 [mumbling] I'm sorry, I was just finishing up Gillman. 32 00:04:23,611 --> 00:04:25,395 - [chuckling] - Take your teeth out. 33 00:04:25,439 --> 00:04:30,226 You know I can't understand you with those things in. 34 00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:32,750 I wanted to say I'm sorry, I was finishing up the Gillman. 35 00:04:32,794 --> 00:04:36,667 Well, the Gillman can wait, because guess what? 36 00:04:36,711 --> 00:04:39,714 Aunt Barb is here. 37 00:04:39,757 --> 00:04:43,544 - With Uncle Kevin? - Yeah, with Uncle Kevin. 38 00:04:46,155 --> 00:04:48,592 They brought pepperoni pizza, though. 39 00:04:48,636 --> 00:04:50,507 Come on, before it gets cold. 40 00:04:50,551 --> 00:04:53,989 Your friends will still be here when you get back. 41 00:04:54,032 --> 00:04:55,382 Oh! 42 00:04:55,425 --> 00:04:58,123 [JOE] Come to dinner! 43 00:04:58,167 --> 00:05:00,735 I hypnotize you to come to dinner! 44 00:05:00,778 --> 00:05:02,539 [ MOM] I really feel like you're doing a good job there. 45 00:05:02,563 --> 00:05:03,694 [JOE] Thank you very much. 46 00:05:03,738 --> 00:05:06,393 [plates clinking] 47 00:05:08,351 --> 00:05:09,961 Mmm. 48 00:05:12,399 --> 00:05:16,316 Trick-or-treat's not 'til October, buddy. 49 00:05:16,359 --> 00:05:19,362 Every day is trick-or-treat around here. 50 00:05:19,406 --> 00:05:22,365 - Really? - [ MOM] More Tang? 51 00:05:22,409 --> 00:05:26,413 No thanks. I never drink Tang. 52 00:05:26,456 --> 00:05:28,632 - [Barb laughing] - Why not? 53 00:05:28,676 --> 00:05:31,243 It's the official drink of astronauts. 54 00:05:31,287 --> 00:05:33,550 It was the first beverage on the moon, you know that? 55 00:05:33,594 --> 00:05:36,553 Joe likes Tang. He's just, he's doing his Dracula. 56 00:05:36,597 --> 00:05:39,643 - Bela Lugosi, right? - Played him in the first one. 57 00:05:39,687 --> 00:05:42,037 Technically, Max Schreck played him 58 00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:43,319 in the first one... The silent version, 59 00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:44,648 "Nosferatu," 1922. 60 00:05:44,692 --> 00:05:49,174 Bela Lugosi was a dope addict. 61 00:05:49,218 --> 00:05:50,935 [BARB] I never heard that. [ KEVIN] It's a fact! 62 00:05:50,959 --> 00:05:53,918 Look it up in the encyclopedia. I'm not crazy about the new guy. 63 00:05:53,962 --> 00:05:55,485 What's his name? 64 00:05:55,529 --> 00:05:58,358 You know, the limey with the red eyes? 65 00:05:58,401 --> 00:06:01,404 - Christopher Lee. - No, that's the karate guy. 66 00:06:01,448 --> 00:06:05,234 [imitating martial arts yell] Yeah, look it up. 67 00:06:05,277 --> 00:06:07,279 Joe-Joe doesn't have to. 68 00:06:07,323 --> 00:06:09,499 He knows everything there is to know 69 00:06:09,543 --> 00:06:15,331 about Dracula and the Mummy and Frankenstein and... 70 00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:16,941 Who am I missing here? 71 00:06:16,985 --> 00:06:19,161 Uh, OJ Simpson. 72 00:06:19,204 --> 00:06:20,989 When I was his age, I knew everything 73 00:06:21,032 --> 00:06:23,383 there was to know about football. 74 00:06:23,426 --> 00:06:25,733 Nowadays, it's all about this horror crap. 75 00:06:25,776 --> 00:06:29,345 - Can I be excused? - I don't know, can you? 76 00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:32,130 - May I be excused? - Yeah, yeah, in just a minute. 77 00:06:32,174 --> 00:06:35,177 Um, Aunt Barb and Uncle Kevin 78 00:06:35,220 --> 00:06:38,441 have something that they wanted to ask us. 79 00:06:38,485 --> 00:06:40,269 [BARB] Joe, would it be cool 80 00:06:40,312 --> 00:06:43,490 if me and Uncle Kevin came to stay for a bit? 81 00:06:43,533 --> 00:06:45,448 Your mom could use an extra hand right now 82 00:06:45,492 --> 00:06:49,017 with, well, all that's going on. 83 00:06:49,060 --> 00:06:51,933 If you'll have us. 84 00:06:54,936 --> 00:07:02,639 ♪ 85 00:07:04,206 --> 00:07:05,512 [knocking on door] 86 00:07:10,125 --> 00:07:14,521 - Heya, count. - You're blowing it. 87 00:07:14,564 --> 00:07:17,132 Vampires don't show up in mirrors. 88 00:07:24,226 --> 00:07:26,228 Let me help you. 89 00:07:29,405 --> 00:07:31,363 [JOE] Ow. 90 00:07:31,407 --> 00:07:34,062 Bud. 91 00:07:34,105 --> 00:07:36,151 Your eye. 92 00:07:36,194 --> 00:07:38,414 Who did that to you? 93 00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:41,722 Billy Niles again? 94 00:07:41,765 --> 00:07:43,506 Come here, kid. 95 00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,557 Will you do me a favor 96 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:55,736 and lay off the monster talk at school, hmm? 97 00:07:55,779 --> 00:07:58,739 You're running short on friends, kiddo. 98 00:07:58,782 --> 00:08:01,176 I have all the friends I need. 99 00:08:03,308 --> 00:08:06,486 You got a lot of 'em. 100 00:08:06,529 --> 00:08:09,489 Why do they have to move in with us? 101 00:08:11,534 --> 00:08:14,755 You know, it's not a forever thing. 102 00:08:14,798 --> 00:08:17,801 Just 'til I finish my next round of chemo. 103 00:08:17,845 --> 00:08:21,544 And, it'll... 104 00:08:21,588 --> 00:08:24,547 It'll help your Uncle Kevin get back on his feet. 105 00:08:24,591 --> 00:08:27,855 He's such a loser. 106 00:08:27,898 --> 00:08:31,598 - Hey, he's not so bad. - [chuckles] 107 00:08:33,774 --> 00:08:38,299 Did you know actually that he used to box in the Army? 108 00:08:38,342 --> 00:08:40,215 Maybe he could show you a few pointers 109 00:08:40,258 --> 00:08:43,087 on how to deal with ol' Billy Niles? 110 00:08:43,131 --> 00:08:45,046 Yeah? 111 00:08:46,830 --> 00:08:48,310 We'll talk about it tomorrow. 112 00:08:48,353 --> 00:08:53,097 - Okey-doke? - Okey-doke. 113 00:08:53,141 --> 00:08:55,796 What's playing on the ol' time machine tonight? 114 00:08:55,839 --> 00:08:57,537 I haven't decided. 115 00:08:57,580 --> 00:09:01,715 "Abbott and Costello Meets" somebody. 116 00:09:01,758 --> 00:09:05,283 - Well, set it up. - I'll make the Jiffy Pop. 117 00:09:05,327 --> 00:09:06,676 I love you, Mom. 118 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:08,722 I love you. 119 00:09:20,516 --> 00:09:26,217 [coughing] 120 00:09:36,967 --> 00:09:42,364 [film reel whirring] 121 00:09:42,407 --> 00:09:46,803 ♪ 122 00:09:51,155 --> 00:09:52,461 Mom? 123 00:09:52,504 --> 00:09:56,857 Why do you always call it a time machine? 124 00:09:56,900 --> 00:10:00,643 Because that's what projectors are. 125 00:10:00,687 --> 00:10:06,562 Movies, they transport us. 126 00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:10,566 Think about it. I bet you remember 127 00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,829 exactly where you were 128 00:10:12,873 --> 00:10:15,876 and who you were with the very first time 129 00:10:15,919 --> 00:10:20,010 you heard Dr. Frankenstein yell, "It's alive!" 130 00:10:20,054 --> 00:10:24,667 I was with you. 131 00:10:24,711 --> 00:10:25,929 That's right. 132 00:10:32,066 --> 00:10:36,418 And with one flip of a switch, you always will be. 133 00:10:41,162 --> 00:10:45,209 Together forever, Joe-Joe. 134 00:10:45,253 --> 00:10:48,169 Just like in the movies. 135 00:10:48,212 --> 00:10:54,175 ♪ 136 00:11:04,272 --> 00:11:10,234 ♪ 137 00:11:15,587 --> 00:11:21,550 ♪ 138 00:11:36,739 --> 00:11:39,176 Mom? 139 00:11:41,831 --> 00:11:43,354 Mom? 140 00:11:49,578 --> 00:11:56,106 ♪ 141 00:11:56,150 --> 00:12:02,591 [bell ringing] 142 00:12:02,634 --> 00:12:07,901 ♪ 143 00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:16,866 [ BARB] Good morning. 144 00:12:30,010 --> 00:12:32,142 Where's the kid at? 145 00:12:32,186 --> 00:12:35,798 I let him sleep in. 146 00:12:35,842 --> 00:12:37,844 On a Saturday? 147 00:12:37,887 --> 00:12:40,324 It's chore day. 148 00:12:40,368 --> 00:12:42,849 He's probably up there watching goddamn movies again. 149 00:12:42,892 --> 00:12:46,591 [BARB] Kevin, be nice. 150 00:12:46,635 --> 00:12:49,203 He'll grow out of it. Some kids do Little League. 151 00:12:49,246 --> 00:12:52,162 Joe-Joe and his mom did monsters. 152 00:12:52,206 --> 00:12:55,078 He's turning into a freak and you're promoting it. 153 00:13:06,176 --> 00:13:08,657 What are you doing in here, sniffing glue? 154 00:13:08,700 --> 00:13:09,876 [sniffing] 155 00:13:09,919 --> 00:13:12,443 Repairing the Reaper's arm. 156 00:13:12,487 --> 00:13:15,316 "Repairing the Reaper's arm." 157 00:13:15,359 --> 00:13:18,580 Where they at, huh? 158 00:13:18,623 --> 00:13:21,888 I know you got some girlies under here somewhere, huh? 159 00:13:21,931 --> 00:13:23,803 A-ha! 160 00:13:26,936 --> 00:13:31,898 Well, I'll be dipped in shit. You do like girls, don't you? 161 00:13:31,941 --> 00:13:33,725 It's a collector's item. 162 00:13:36,728 --> 00:13:39,688 But you don't like me much, do you? 163 00:13:39,731 --> 00:13:41,342 That's okay. 164 00:13:41,385 --> 00:13:44,432 You know what, your cousin Gary, he didn't like me much either. 165 00:13:44,475 --> 00:13:48,653 We didn't watch monster movies and the Late Late Show. 166 00:13:48,697 --> 00:13:51,569 My job was to make a man out of him. 167 00:13:51,613 --> 00:13:53,658 That's exactly what I'm gonna do for you. 168 00:13:53,702 --> 00:13:55,008 Thanks? 169 00:13:55,051 --> 00:13:57,575 - You're welcome. - First things first, 170 00:13:57,619 --> 00:13:59,708 we gotta get rid of all this horror crap. 171 00:13:59,751 --> 00:14:02,450 - Why? - [KEVIN] Because I said so! 172 00:14:02,493 --> 00:14:05,583 You know, me and your auntie sacrificed a lot to be here. 173 00:14:05,627 --> 00:14:08,543 - That's not how I heard it. - I heard you had to move in 174 00:14:08,586 --> 00:14:12,286 because you got canned from your job. 175 00:14:12,329 --> 00:14:16,594 That's how you heard it, huh? 176 00:14:16,638 --> 00:14:18,901 It's called a temporary layoff. Give me this! 177 00:14:18,945 --> 00:14:20,468 Hey, that was a present from my mom! 178 00:14:20,511 --> 00:14:24,820 - Oh, poor, poor Grim Reaper! - Oh! 179 00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:28,563 Grim Reaper's all broken up about it. 180 00:14:28,606 --> 00:14:32,610 Now get your ass outside! It's chore day! 181 00:14:32,654 --> 00:14:36,223 You can play with your stupid toys later, hmm? 182 00:14:36,266 --> 00:14:42,098 ♪ 183 00:14:47,321 --> 00:14:52,456 ♪ 184 00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:55,807 [birds chirping] 185 00:15:02,336 --> 00:15:05,252 - Yo, Dr. Frankenstein! - Say hi to your mom for me! 186 00:15:07,297 --> 00:15:09,299 ♪ 187 00:15:09,343 --> 00:15:15,784 [grumbling] 188 00:15:15,827 --> 00:15:19,309 [gasping] 189 00:15:19,353 --> 00:15:24,401 [grumbling] 190 00:15:24,445 --> 00:15:25,489 [bones snapping] 191 00:15:28,710 --> 00:15:30,103 Friend! 192 00:15:36,805 --> 00:15:40,156 Don't tell me, the infamous Billy Niles? 193 00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:41,549 [sighs] 194 00:15:41,592 --> 00:15:43,246 I made some Tang. 195 00:15:51,820 --> 00:15:53,909 I was hoping you'd do your Dracula. 196 00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:58,609 - Well, I can't. - Sun's still out. 197 00:15:58,653 --> 00:16:03,397 ♪ 198 00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:06,269 Before you say anything, it was my fault. 199 00:16:06,313 --> 00:16:07,967 Took an extra shift at Bateman's Diner 200 00:16:08,010 --> 00:16:09,751 without telling your uncle. 201 00:16:09,794 --> 00:16:13,407 He says it's getting hard just being a man these days. 202 00:16:13,450 --> 00:16:14,799 He's not a man. 203 00:16:20,370 --> 00:16:22,242 - Go for the pin! - Go for the pin! 204 00:16:22,285 --> 00:16:26,463 [telephone ringing] 205 00:16:26,507 --> 00:16:29,336 Hello? 206 00:16:29,379 --> 00:16:31,686 Yes, just a second, he's right here. 207 00:16:31,729 --> 00:16:33,514 Kev, it's Mr. Warren. 208 00:16:38,562 --> 00:16:41,043 Hello, Mr. Warren. 209 00:16:41,087 --> 00:16:44,742 Oh, yeah, yeah, we're hanging in the best we can, sir. 210 00:16:50,183 --> 00:16:53,055 I understand, sir. What can I say? 211 00:16:53,099 --> 00:16:56,537 Times have been tough for all of us. 212 00:16:56,580 --> 00:16:59,583 Thank you, sir. 213 00:16:59,627 --> 00:17:04,153 [BARB] Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. 214 00:17:04,196 --> 00:17:07,374 - What are you sorry about? - You still got your job. 215 00:17:07,416 --> 00:17:12,553 [indistinct TV chatter] 216 00:17:12,596 --> 00:17:15,034 ♪ 217 00:17:15,077 --> 00:17:17,165 - What do think you're doing? - Cleaning house. 218 00:17:17,210 --> 00:17:18,906 There's gonna be no more Santa Claus, 219 00:17:18,950 --> 00:17:22,650 no more Tooth Fairy, and no more goddamn monsters! 220 00:17:22,693 --> 00:17:24,106 You're the only monster around here! 221 00:17:24,130 --> 00:17:25,695 [groaning] [BARB] [screaming] 222 00:17:27,394 --> 00:17:31,224 - Stay away from him. - Or what? Huh? 223 00:17:31,267 --> 00:17:37,317 ♪ 224 00:17:37,360 --> 00:17:39,754 Ah, yous deserve each other. 225 00:17:43,932 --> 00:17:46,239 [BARB] Come on. It's okay. 226 00:17:46,282 --> 00:17:52,201 ♪ 227 00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:02,777 [crickets chirping] 228 00:18:02,820 --> 00:18:07,129 ♪ 229 00:18:07,173 --> 00:18:10,089 [JOE] [sniffling] I miss you. 230 00:18:13,179 --> 00:18:17,096 [film reel whirring] 231 00:18:25,974 --> 00:18:27,193 [film stops] 232 00:18:36,332 --> 00:18:42,338 [film reel whirring] 233 00:18:45,428 --> 00:18:50,390 ♪ 234 00:19:04,012 --> 00:19:07,102 ♪ 235 00:19:13,717 --> 00:19:15,197 Mom? 236 00:19:15,241 --> 00:19:20,811 ♪ 237 00:19:26,948 --> 00:19:34,948 ♪ 238 00:19:40,788 --> 00:19:43,878 [JOE] [gasping] 239 00:19:53,670 --> 00:20:00,764 ♪ 240 00:20:10,426 --> 00:20:16,519 ♪ 241 00:20:24,092 --> 00:20:26,921 Got it. Need it. 242 00:20:26,964 --> 00:20:29,793 Got it. Need it. 243 00:20:29,837 --> 00:20:31,665 Need it. [Gasping] 244 00:20:35,886 --> 00:20:38,672 [sighing] 245 00:20:38,715 --> 00:20:45,679 ♪ 246 00:20:47,942 --> 00:20:49,813 Oh, yes! 247 00:20:51,946 --> 00:20:53,687 [chuckling] 248 00:20:53,730 --> 00:21:01,730 ♪ 249 00:21:11,531 --> 00:21:16,753 ♪ 250 00:21:24,805 --> 00:21:27,764 [groaning] 251 00:21:27,808 --> 00:21:33,204 [screaming] 252 00:21:33,248 --> 00:21:36,207 [chuckling] 253 00:21:36,251 --> 00:21:38,775 [KEVIN] [screaming] 254 00:21:38,819 --> 00:21:39,950 What happened? 255 00:21:46,261 --> 00:21:48,350 The damnedest thing. 256 00:21:48,394 --> 00:21:51,788 My ankle twisted completely around. 257 00:21:51,832 --> 00:21:56,097 [JOE] [laughing] 258 00:22:11,242 --> 00:22:12,418 [knocking on door] 259 00:22:12,461 --> 00:22:14,028 [BARB] Joe, it's me. 260 00:22:16,465 --> 00:22:18,337 I'm working the night shift. 261 00:22:18,380 --> 00:22:20,991 There's turkey pot pie in the fridge. 262 00:22:21,035 --> 00:22:23,472 Just stay clear of your uncle. 263 00:22:23,516 --> 00:22:28,999 He's been in bed all day burning up with fever. 264 00:22:29,043 --> 00:22:32,960 Things are gonna change around here, I promise. 265 00:22:33,003 --> 00:22:34,353 I know. 266 00:22:38,182 --> 00:22:46,182 ♪ 267 00:22:47,061 --> 00:22:49,150 [sizzling] 268 00:22:49,193 --> 00:22:51,761 ♪ 269 00:22:51,805 --> 00:22:55,243 [wind howling] 270 00:22:57,201 --> 00:23:01,945 [KEVIN] [snoring and moaning] 271 00:23:01,989 --> 00:23:04,121 [loud thud] 272 00:23:04,165 --> 00:23:06,515 What the hell's he watching? 273 00:23:06,559 --> 00:23:09,083 Joe, turn it down! 274 00:23:09,126 --> 00:23:13,740 [loud thud] 275 00:23:16,569 --> 00:23:19,920 Kid needs a good old-fashioned ass whooping! 276 00:23:24,054 --> 00:23:26,317 Must've backed up the shitter again! 277 00:23:26,361 --> 00:23:29,408 - You freak! - [thudding] 278 00:23:29,451 --> 00:23:33,150 I'm coming for ya, buddy! 279 00:23:33,194 --> 00:23:35,109 You got it coming now, boy. 280 00:23:38,373 --> 00:23:40,680 [doorknob rattling] 281 00:23:43,422 --> 00:23:47,426 I know you're in there playing with your goddamn toys 282 00:23:47,469 --> 00:23:48,664 'cause I can smell the goddamn glue. 283 00:23:48,688 --> 00:23:49,906 [banging on door] 284 00:23:49,950 --> 00:23:54,650 Open the door, or I'll smash it in! 285 00:23:54,694 --> 00:23:56,826 Okay, all right. 286 00:23:58,654 --> 00:24:04,834 [Gillman roaring] 287 00:24:04,878 --> 00:24:06,706 [screaming] 288 00:24:06,749 --> 00:24:08,142 Fuck you! 289 00:24:08,185 --> 00:24:09,317 [screaming] 290 00:24:09,360 --> 00:24:11,188 No! 291 00:24:11,232 --> 00:24:14,104 [groaning] 292 00:24:14,148 --> 00:24:15,018 - [groan] - [bat rattling] 293 00:24:15,062 --> 00:24:17,368 [JOE] [laughing] 294 00:24:17,412 --> 00:24:23,244 [KEVIN] [heavy breathing] 295 00:24:25,420 --> 00:24:27,466 [electronic static] 296 00:24:27,509 --> 00:24:30,904 [ MAN] Keep your eyes peeled, boils and ghouls. 297 00:24:30,947 --> 00:24:34,864 The cadaverous conclusion of "Uncle Kevin Meets the Monster" 298 00:24:34,908 --> 00:24:36,387 is right around the corner. 299 00:24:36,431 --> 00:24:40,174 [laughing] 300 00:24:40,217 --> 00:24:43,612 [growling] 301 00:24:46,833 --> 00:24:48,225 [yelping] 302 00:24:48,269 --> 00:24:53,143 [screaming] 303 00:24:53,187 --> 00:24:55,232 [grunting] 304 00:24:55,276 --> 00:24:58,888 [Gillman roaring] 305 00:24:58,932 --> 00:25:00,847 [grumbling] 306 00:25:00,890 --> 00:25:04,720 [heavy breathing] 307 00:25:10,552 --> 00:25:13,076 [roaring] 308 00:25:13,120 --> 00:25:16,253 [crash] 309 00:25:16,297 --> 00:25:19,169 [grumbling] 310 00:25:19,213 --> 00:25:23,870 [screaming] 311 00:25:23,913 --> 00:25:25,436 [JOE] [grunting] 312 00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:29,136 [KEVIN] [screaming] 313 00:25:29,179 --> 00:25:33,444 Hey, buddy! Tell your friends I'm sorry! 314 00:25:33,488 --> 00:25:35,403 - [growling] - [KEVIN] No! 315 00:25:35,446 --> 00:25:38,798 [grumbling] 316 00:25:38,841 --> 00:25:40,800 ♪ 317 00:25:40,843 --> 00:25:42,323 No! 318 00:25:42,366 --> 00:25:45,065 - [screaming] - [grumbling] 319 00:25:45,108 --> 00:25:51,027 No! 320 00:25:51,071 --> 00:25:52,681 [growling] 321 00:25:52,725 --> 00:25:54,485 Are you ready for your close-up, Uncle Kev? 322 00:25:54,509 --> 00:25:55,858 [chuckling] 323 00:25:55,902 --> 00:26:00,210 [KEVIN] No! 324 00:26:00,254 --> 00:26:03,518 No! 325 00:26:03,562 --> 00:26:07,087 - [loud squelching] - [KEVIN] No! 326 00:26:09,350 --> 00:26:12,048 [crickets chirping] 327 00:26:17,271 --> 00:26:18,185 [screaming] 328 00:26:18,228 --> 00:26:20,056 ♪ 329 00:26:20,100 --> 00:26:24,017 [screaming] Joe! Joe! 330 00:26:25,975 --> 00:26:29,065 Joe. 331 00:26:29,109 --> 00:26:31,067 Oh my god. 332 00:26:31,111 --> 00:26:34,941 Come. Sit. 333 00:26:34,984 --> 00:26:37,770 You're just in time for the big ending. 334 00:26:37,813 --> 00:26:42,949 ♪ 335 00:26:49,129 --> 00:26:54,090 ♪ 336 00:26:55,701 --> 00:26:57,311 What happened? 337 00:26:57,354 --> 00:27:01,097 Couple of friends came for a visit. 338 00:27:01,141 --> 00:27:03,970 They had some cleaning up to do. 339 00:27:04,013 --> 00:27:07,974 After all, 340 00:27:08,017 --> 00:27:12,674 it is chore day. 341 00:27:12,718 --> 00:27:13,632 [screaming] 342 00:27:13,675 --> 00:27:19,376 ♪ 343 00:27:27,820 --> 00:27:34,609 ♪ 344 00:27:42,356 --> 00:27:50,356 ♪ 345 00:27:53,062 --> 00:27:58,938 ♪ 346 00:28:07,207 --> 00:28:10,514 Everyone was very happy that the little pigs worked so hard, 347 00:28:10,558 --> 00:28:13,779 for now they had plenty of food for winter, 348 00:28:13,822 --> 00:28:18,087 and Farmer John promised to never eat porkchops again. 349 00:28:18,131 --> 00:28:21,874 So, they ate chicken! 350 00:28:21,917 --> 00:28:24,224 - The end. - [KIDS] [laughing] 351 00:28:24,267 --> 00:28:27,880 Hmm, what do you suppose that story was about, Henrietta? 352 00:28:27,923 --> 00:28:30,447 Getting what you deserve? 353 00:28:30,491 --> 00:28:31,797 [ MRS. BOOKBERRY] That's right! 354 00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:34,321 Some folks call it karma. 355 00:28:34,364 --> 00:28:35,801 When you do something good, 356 00:28:35,844 --> 00:28:37,759 something good will happen to you. 357 00:28:37,803 --> 00:28:40,544 But if you do something bad... 358 00:28:40,588 --> 00:28:43,634 S-s-s-something bad will happen to me? 359 00:28:43,678 --> 00:28:45,419 [MRS. BOOKBERRY] Mm-hmm. 360 00:28:45,462 --> 00:28:48,639 So be sure to be good little boys and girls. 361 00:28:48,683 --> 00:28:53,601 Until next time, bye for now! 362 00:28:53,644 --> 00:28:56,604 [ MAN] Mrs. Bookberry's Magical Library is made possible 363 00:28:56,647 --> 00:28:59,955 by a grant from the Public Broadcasting Corporation. 364 00:28:59,999 --> 00:29:03,785 You're watching WQPS, Channel 13, Pittsburgh. 365 00:29:03,829 --> 00:29:05,787 Prevent child abuse. 366 00:29:05,831 --> 00:29:08,659 [ MAN] This is WQPS in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, 367 00:29:08,703 --> 00:29:11,358 operating on Channel 13 with a frequency of 368 00:29:11,401 --> 00:29:15,579 210 to 216 megahertz by authority of 369 00:29:15,623 --> 00:29:17,799 the Federal Communications Commission. 370 00:29:17,843 --> 00:29:19,235 [bell ringing] 371 00:29:19,279 --> 00:29:21,803 [MAN] Bookberry pledge drive promotion, take one. 372 00:29:21,847 --> 00:29:26,765 Settle, settle, lots of energy, and on in three, two... 373 00:29:26,808 --> 00:29:29,332 Something very special is happening tonight 374 00:29:29,376 --> 00:29:33,510 - on Channel 13, Henrietta. - What is it, Mrs. Bookberry? 375 00:29:33,554 --> 00:29:35,904 [ MRS. BOOKBERRY] It's the WQPS pledge drive. 376 00:29:35,948 --> 00:29:38,385 That's where we ask all the mommies and daddies 377 00:29:38,428 --> 00:29:41,301 - out there to fuck! - [gasps] 378 00:29:41,344 --> 00:29:43,956 Goddamn it! Line. 379 00:29:43,999 --> 00:29:46,828 [MAN] "Become a member of Channel 13's television family." 380 00:29:46,872 --> 00:29:49,396 Okay, whatever, here we go. 381 00:29:49,439 --> 00:29:52,791 Three, two, one, action. 382 00:29:52,834 --> 00:29:54,705 That's where we ask the mommies and daddies 383 00:29:54,749 --> 00:29:57,230 out there to join us by becoming a member of. 384 00:29:57,273 --> 00:29:59,580 Channel 13's television family. 385 00:30:01,974 --> 00:30:04,541 Cut, I think we got it, Greg. I'm gonna go take a shit. 386 00:30:04,585 --> 00:30:06,282 I'll be in my dressing room. 387 00:30:06,326 --> 00:30:07,849 [ MAN] Everybody take five while she... 388 00:30:07,893 --> 00:30:09,348 - [CLAUDIA] Uh, Miss Bookberry? - [MAN]... does that. 389 00:30:09,372 --> 00:30:10,417 Smoke 'em if you got 'em. 390 00:30:10,460 --> 00:30:13,202 Mrs. Bookberry? Bookberry! 391 00:30:13,246 --> 00:30:15,726 [phone ringing] 392 00:30:17,772 --> 00:30:20,906 - [ CLAUDIA] Miss Bookberry? - Do you have a minute? 393 00:30:20,949 --> 00:30:22,971 About the show tonight. Nothing like live television. 394 00:30:22,995 --> 00:30:24,407 What's up with my time slot, Claudia? 395 00:30:24,431 --> 00:30:27,129 - Am I getting it or what? - Well, you see, about that, 396 00:30:27,173 --> 00:30:29,088 "Love of Painting" has been our 3 o'clock 397 00:30:29,131 --> 00:30:30,524 for nearly 10 years, and what I... 398 00:30:30,567 --> 00:30:32,004 And what? 399 00:30:32,047 --> 00:30:34,745 "Magical Library" is the biggest show in QPS history. 400 00:30:34,789 --> 00:30:37,661 Without it, this piss stain of a station would be nothing. 401 00:30:37,705 --> 00:30:41,578 I want that time slot. Give me that time slot. 402 00:30:41,622 --> 00:30:43,252 But Norm's show won't survive anywhere else. 403 00:30:43,276 --> 00:30:45,234 Listen, they took a big chance 404 00:30:45,278 --> 00:30:48,629 on promoting someone like you to station manager. 405 00:30:48,672 --> 00:30:50,128 Be a shame to have to tell the higher-ups 406 00:30:50,152 --> 00:30:52,720 that you just couldn't figure it out. 407 00:30:52,763 --> 00:30:55,288 Ya got me, sistah? 408 00:30:55,331 --> 00:30:57,116 ♪ 409 00:30:57,159 --> 00:30:59,205 You can have 3 o'clock. 410 00:30:59,248 --> 00:31:01,076 Thank you. 411 00:31:04,297 --> 00:31:05,472 Now, if you don't mind, 412 00:31:05,515 --> 00:31:07,691 I prefer to wipe my ass in private, 413 00:31:07,735 --> 00:31:10,477 unless you wanna come in and do it for me? 414 00:31:17,788 --> 00:31:19,462 [NORM] Just a little bit and then we're gonna go 415 00:31:19,486 --> 00:31:22,706 back to the canvas and play in the leaves here. 416 00:31:22,750 --> 00:31:25,884 Just a little dab here and a little dab there. 417 00:31:25,927 --> 00:31:28,974 - ♪ - [NORM] Right on the roof. 418 00:31:29,017 --> 00:31:32,107 Just down that slope. 419 00:31:32,151 --> 00:31:35,067 Where the leaves are gonna be found in the night. 420 00:31:35,110 --> 00:31:38,157 Maybe they were there last season. 421 00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:41,160 It's up to you, this is your world. 422 00:31:41,203 --> 00:31:43,423 There. 423 00:31:43,466 --> 00:31:45,947 Now, I would say our cabin could use a little something 424 00:31:45,991 --> 00:31:48,558 to look forward to, so let's put a little sunshine 425 00:31:48,602 --> 00:31:51,953 at the horizon. Take our two-inch brush. 426 00:31:51,997 --> 00:31:55,652 Just lighten up the sky. 427 00:31:55,696 --> 00:31:58,394 Move the darkness away. 428 00:31:58,438 --> 00:32:00,570 There. 429 00:32:00,614 --> 00:32:02,921 I think it's time to clean out our brushes. 430 00:32:02,964 --> 00:32:06,533 Take the brush into the paint thinner. 431 00:32:06,576 --> 00:32:08,665 Shake the excess. 432 00:32:08,709 --> 00:32:10,232 This is my favorite part. 433 00:32:13,105 --> 00:32:15,063 Just beat the devil out of it. 434 00:32:17,848 --> 00:32:20,286 I hope that you all enjoyed painting with me today 435 00:32:20,329 --> 00:32:22,418 because I know I did. 436 00:32:22,462 --> 00:32:25,160 So from all of us here at the station, 437 00:32:25,204 --> 00:32:27,467 happy painting, and God bless. 438 00:32:27,510 --> 00:32:31,123 ♪ 439 00:32:31,166 --> 00:32:33,952 And cut, clear! 440 00:32:33,995 --> 00:32:36,519 That is a beautiful painting, Norm. 441 00:32:36,563 --> 00:32:38,193 - [NORM] Oh, thank you. - [ GEORGE] Wanna take a break 442 00:32:38,217 --> 00:32:39,498 before we start shooting the next episode? 443 00:32:39,522 --> 00:32:41,089 - Oh, no, no, no, no. - We may continue. 444 00:32:41,133 --> 00:32:43,178 Hey, guys, excuse me, can we talk? 445 00:32:43,222 --> 00:32:45,789 What's wrong? Are you cutting our budget again? 446 00:32:45,833 --> 00:32:47,400 Claudia, you can't do that! 447 00:32:47,443 --> 00:32:49,010 I had to get rid of both camera guys. 448 00:32:49,054 --> 00:32:51,795 You got me directing, producing. I'm shooting close-ups here. 449 00:32:51,839 --> 00:32:53,101 I'm not cutting the budget. 450 00:32:53,145 --> 00:32:56,235 I'm afraid we're canceling "Love of Painting." 451 00:32:56,278 --> 00:33:00,326 Oh, no, that's too bad. 452 00:33:00,369 --> 00:33:03,894 May we still shoot this next one? 453 00:33:03,938 --> 00:33:05,766 Yeah, of course, Norm. 454 00:33:08,029 --> 00:33:10,292 Claudia? 455 00:33:10,336 --> 00:33:13,382 What are you doing? The show is all he's got. 456 00:33:13,426 --> 00:33:15,578 - My hands are tied, George. - His time slot is needed. 457 00:33:15,602 --> 00:33:19,214 I'm sorry. I really am. 458 00:33:19,258 --> 00:33:21,129 How is always so calm? 459 00:33:21,173 --> 00:33:22,628 You'd think he could at least chew me out 460 00:33:22,652 --> 00:33:25,220 for screwing him over. 461 00:33:25,264 --> 00:33:28,876 That man's changed a lot since he came back from 'Nam. 462 00:33:28,919 --> 00:33:32,227 Norm was on the front line of the Tet Offensive. 463 00:33:32,271 --> 00:33:35,230 Musta had to do horrible things to survive. 464 00:33:35,274 --> 00:33:39,974 - [helicopter blades whirring] - [explosions booming] 465 00:33:40,018 --> 00:33:45,806 - [people screaming] - [gunfire rattling] 466 00:33:45,849 --> 00:33:49,331 ♪ 467 00:33:49,375 --> 00:33:51,768 Priceless items are right under your nose. 468 00:33:51,812 --> 00:33:53,988 Did the value of this snow blower 469 00:33:54,032 --> 00:33:57,818 or this medieval broadsword increase or decrease over time? 470 00:33:57,861 --> 00:34:00,864 What about this jar of Civil War coins? 471 00:34:00,908 --> 00:34:04,346 Find out next on "The Appraiser's Road Trip." 472 00:34:04,390 --> 00:34:05,913 [light applause] 473 00:34:05,956 --> 00:34:08,108 [WOMAN] "The Appraiser's Road Trip" with Goodman Tapert. 474 00:34:08,132 --> 00:34:11,005 Good evening, and welcome. 475 00:34:11,049 --> 00:34:13,659 Today's first guest, Mr. Ted Raimi, 476 00:34:13,703 --> 00:34:16,619 has brought us something quite special, 477 00:34:16,663 --> 00:34:19,447 - a book. - [crowd fawning] 478 00:34:19,492 --> 00:34:21,494 - [light applause] - How did you come across this? 479 00:34:21,536 --> 00:34:23,364 Uh, well, it's... 480 00:34:23,409 --> 00:34:25,193 It's been in the family for years. 481 00:34:25,237 --> 00:34:26,324 I must tell you, 482 00:34:26,368 --> 00:34:28,327 this is an amazing 483 00:34:28,370 --> 00:34:30,155 - and quite valuable find. - [light applause] 484 00:34:30,197 --> 00:34:32,505 - Wow! - Wow, indeed. 485 00:34:32,547 --> 00:34:35,203 Brilliant Sumerian craftsmanship. 486 00:34:35,246 --> 00:34:38,206 The stitching in the binding is magnificent. 487 00:34:38,250 --> 00:34:39,989 [light applause] 488 00:34:40,034 --> 00:34:44,429 It's bound in a leather that I'm unfamiliar with, 489 00:34:44,473 --> 00:34:46,996 but despite a few scratches and discolorations, 490 00:34:47,041 --> 00:34:49,739 this is a stunning piece. 491 00:34:49,783 --> 00:34:51,610 It is locked, though. Do you have the key? 492 00:34:51,654 --> 00:34:53,699 Um, I lost it. 493 00:34:53,743 --> 00:34:55,658 - [audience fawning] - Oh, how unfortunate. 494 00:34:55,702 --> 00:34:57,530 But then it was found. 495 00:34:57,573 --> 00:35:00,794 - [light applause] - Excellent! 496 00:35:00,837 --> 00:35:02,926 Let's look inside. 497 00:35:04,841 --> 00:35:08,497 This is really exciting. 498 00:35:08,541 --> 00:35:11,979 I mean, I've had this thing in my fruit cellar for years. 499 00:35:12,022 --> 00:35:15,069 I nearly threw it out like a million times. 500 00:35:15,113 --> 00:35:18,638 But I'm glad I didn't though, huh? 501 00:35:18,681 --> 00:35:19,900 I mean, geez Louise, 502 00:35:19,943 --> 00:35:21,728 I wonder what this old thing is worth? 503 00:35:21,771 --> 00:35:24,861 I wonder if I could get a Camaro? 504 00:35:24,905 --> 00:35:26,950 Or maybe a hot tub? 505 00:35:26,994 --> 00:35:29,039 What do you think, a Camaro or a hot tub? 506 00:35:29,083 --> 00:35:30,191 - Hot tub. - [light applause] 507 00:35:30,215 --> 00:35:31,477 Yes! 508 00:35:31,520 --> 00:35:32,956 ♪ 509 00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:35,307 Look at these ink renderings. 510 00:35:35,350 --> 00:35:37,961 The Kandarian text. 511 00:35:38,005 --> 00:35:40,181 Any natural history museum would happily pay anywhere 512 00:35:40,225 --> 00:35:44,490 between 3 or 400,000. 513 00:35:44,533 --> 00:35:46,144 - Dollars? - Mm-hmm. 514 00:35:46,187 --> 00:35:47,928 Oh, man! 515 00:35:47,971 --> 00:35:49,712 This is the best day of my whole life! 516 00:35:49,756 --> 00:35:51,845 Lucky for you, I can read Sumerian. 517 00:35:51,888 --> 00:35:53,281 You can read... 518 00:35:53,325 --> 00:35:57,285 Might be a bit rusty, but what I can gather, 519 00:35:57,329 --> 00:36:02,072 this book is the Necronomicon. 520 00:36:02,116 --> 00:36:04,205 Ah, that name sounds familiar. 521 00:36:04,249 --> 00:36:06,338 It was written when dark spirits ruled the Earth 522 00:36:06,381 --> 00:36:08,035 and the oceans boiled with blood. 523 00:36:08,078 --> 00:36:09,341 [TED] Oh. 524 00:36:09,384 --> 00:36:10,753 [ GOODMAN] The powers of the dead lay within 525 00:36:10,777 --> 00:36:15,216 these very pages. Fascinating. 526 00:36:15,260 --> 00:36:17,436 Listen to these wretched incantations. 527 00:36:17,479 --> 00:36:21,614 [speaking foreign language] 528 00:36:21,657 --> 00:36:24,225 Oh, uh, um, maybe don't read it. 529 00:36:24,269 --> 00:36:29,404 - [GOODMAN] "Nosferaten. - Valo mortem." 530 00:36:29,448 --> 00:36:32,190 Uh, stop. Don't read any more. 531 00:36:32,233 --> 00:36:36,237 [speaking foreign language] 532 00:36:36,281 --> 00:36:40,633 - Please stop. Stop! - [speaking foreign language] 533 00:36:40,676 --> 00:36:44,245 I said stop. Never! 534 00:36:44,289 --> 00:36:46,378 [screaming] 535 00:36:46,421 --> 00:36:51,905 [CREW] [screaming] 536 00:36:51,948 --> 00:36:56,126 [demonic laughter] 537 00:36:56,170 --> 00:37:00,609 Let me back into the book, kids, so you should be like me! 538 00:37:00,653 --> 00:37:03,525 When it all makes a pledge to us. 539 00:37:03,569 --> 00:37:06,311 Pledge to us! 540 00:37:06,354 --> 00:37:10,445 [demonic laughter] 541 00:37:10,489 --> 00:37:13,318 Pledge to us! 542 00:37:13,361 --> 00:37:16,016 [demonic laughter] 543 00:37:16,059 --> 00:37:18,627 [ NORM] We're gonna say good night to the Grand Tetons. 544 00:37:18,671 --> 00:37:22,240 A meandering stream by just using the Titanium White 545 00:37:22,283 --> 00:37:25,547 and working through the bristles with the two-inch brush. 546 00:37:25,591 --> 00:37:30,552 And ever so gently drag through the dusk creeping over 547 00:37:30,596 --> 00:37:34,034 the mountains here and then saying goodbye 548 00:37:34,077 --> 00:37:36,732 to the dying embers of the day. 549 00:37:36,776 --> 00:37:41,346 Good night, day. Thank you for everything. 550 00:37:41,389 --> 00:37:45,132 Sleep well. There. 551 00:37:45,175 --> 00:37:49,267 I think we're done here. 552 00:37:49,310 --> 00:37:51,791 Um 553 00:37:51,834 --> 00:37:55,534 Today, I have gotten some bad news. 554 00:37:55,577 --> 00:38:00,278 Unfortunately, this is our last episode. 555 00:38:00,321 --> 00:38:03,106 First, I was sad, but I believe that 556 00:38:03,150 --> 00:38:05,544 everything happens for a reason, 557 00:38:05,587 --> 00:38:08,764 and if this is what the Good Lord wishes, 558 00:38:08,808 --> 00:38:10,853 well, then surely he must have something greater 559 00:38:10,897 --> 00:38:13,073 in mind for me and for us all. 560 00:38:13,116 --> 00:38:15,249 Pledge your soul to the book! 561 00:38:15,293 --> 00:38:17,009 - [CLAUDIA] [screaming] - [GEORGE] What is that thing? 562 00:38:17,033 --> 00:38:18,383 [ CLAUDIA] [screaming] 563 00:38:18,426 --> 00:38:20,602 - Huh? - Keep away from me! 564 00:38:20,646 --> 00:38:22,082 No! 565 00:38:22,125 --> 00:38:27,827 ♪ 566 00:38:27,870 --> 00:38:31,004 What is happening? 567 00:38:31,047 --> 00:38:35,704 A-ha. Pretty soul. 568 00:38:35,748 --> 00:38:39,273 I'll cut it out of you. [demonic laughter] 569 00:38:39,317 --> 00:38:41,275 - [grunting] - [Ted groaning] 570 00:38:41,319 --> 00:38:42,972 Huh? 571 00:38:43,016 --> 00:38:48,935 [grunting] 572 00:38:55,637 --> 00:38:58,379 Huh? 573 00:38:58,423 --> 00:39:03,558 I don't know who you are, sir, but if you're not gonna behave, 574 00:39:03,602 --> 00:39:06,082 I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. 575 00:39:06,126 --> 00:39:07,780 Pledge to us! 576 00:39:07,823 --> 00:39:11,653 [blows thudding] 577 00:39:11,697 --> 00:39:15,396 [Ted snarling] 578 00:39:15,440 --> 00:39:20,009 [crash] 579 00:39:20,053 --> 00:39:24,231 [snarling] 580 00:39:29,845 --> 00:39:32,761 Huh? 581 00:39:32,805 --> 00:39:34,807 [screaming] 582 00:39:34,850 --> 00:39:38,985 [George gasping] 583 00:39:44,251 --> 00:39:47,428 - [NORM] George! - [coughing] 584 00:39:47,472 --> 00:39:49,996 - You all right, George? - Just get it off of me! 585 00:39:50,039 --> 00:39:53,608 Both leave me here and just save yourselves. 586 00:39:53,652 --> 00:39:54,977 Nobody's leaving you here, George. 587 00:39:55,001 --> 00:39:59,092 - Oh, god. - [NORM] Come here. 588 00:39:59,135 --> 00:40:01,007 All right, what's the quickest way out? 589 00:40:01,050 --> 00:40:02,530 'Cause we have to let the others know! 590 00:40:02,574 --> 00:40:03,792 Through the Magical Library. 591 00:40:03,836 --> 00:40:05,228 Okay, we need to get to a phone. 592 00:40:05,272 --> 00:40:10,756 - Yes, come on, this way. - Come on, George! 593 00:40:10,799 --> 00:40:13,454 [ TED] Merciless! 594 00:40:13,498 --> 00:40:16,588 [toilet flushing] 595 00:40:16,631 --> 00:40:22,420 ♪ 596 00:40:43,266 --> 00:40:47,706 [HENRIETTA] You worthless piece of shit. 597 00:40:47,749 --> 00:40:51,536 - I'm not worthless, Daddy. - [HENRIETTA] Yes, you are. 598 00:40:51,579 --> 00:40:53,451 Your mother and I will be very disappointed 599 00:40:53,494 --> 00:40:55,017 if you're not gonna show tonight. 600 00:40:55,061 --> 00:40:57,063 Chicago's going to be watching. 601 00:40:57,106 --> 00:40:58,804 This will be our ticket out of here, 602 00:40:58,847 --> 00:41:00,893 unless you fuck it up, which you probably will, 603 00:41:00,936 --> 00:41:02,982 you ugly little bitch! 604 00:41:03,025 --> 00:41:05,419 No, I won't mess up, Daddy, I promise. 605 00:41:05,463 --> 00:41:09,205 Nothing will stop me from making you proud. Nothing! 606 00:41:09,249 --> 00:41:10,642 [knocking on door] 607 00:41:13,993 --> 00:41:15,734 [knocking on door] 608 00:41:15,777 --> 00:41:18,171 - Fuck off, Greg! - I'm not taping anymore! 609 00:41:18,214 --> 00:41:20,869 I have to focus before the show! Go away! 610 00:41:20,913 --> 00:41:24,090 [knocking on door] 611 00:41:24,133 --> 00:41:25,657 Are you deaf? I said, go away! 612 00:41:25,700 --> 00:41:29,399 - [knocking on door] - [handle rattling] 613 00:41:29,443 --> 00:41:32,359 What the fuck is your problem? 614 00:41:36,668 --> 00:41:38,757 Pledge your soul to the book! 615 00:41:38,800 --> 00:41:42,021 - [screaming] - [Ted snarling] 616 00:41:44,980 --> 00:41:48,810 [electricity crackling] 617 00:41:51,639 --> 00:41:54,033 Oh, Jesus, it's a goddamn massacre. 618 00:41:54,076 --> 00:42:00,126 ♪ 619 00:42:00,169 --> 00:42:03,477 - Look. - Cameras are still recording. 620 00:42:03,521 --> 00:42:04,870 George, check the footage. 621 00:42:04,913 --> 00:42:06,021 Maybe we can find out what happened. 622 00:42:06,045 --> 00:42:09,048 Leave it to me. 623 00:42:09,091 --> 00:42:12,138 [CLAUDIA] Oh my god. 624 00:42:12,181 --> 00:42:14,357 Did that thing do all of this by itself? 625 00:42:17,752 --> 00:42:19,841 John? 626 00:42:19,885 --> 00:42:21,321 Oh, dear God, no. 627 00:42:21,364 --> 00:42:22,757 John. 628 00:42:24,629 --> 00:42:29,982 [groaning] 629 00:42:40,209 --> 00:42:43,517 - [Ted snarling] - [people screaming] 630 00:42:48,174 --> 00:42:50,524 - [Ted snarling] - [woman screaming] 631 00:42:50,568 --> 00:42:52,613 ♪ 632 00:42:52,657 --> 00:42:57,618 [demonic muttering] 633 00:42:57,662 --> 00:43:02,362 ♪ 634 00:43:02,405 --> 00:43:05,539 Nothing will stop me, Daddy. 635 00:43:05,583 --> 00:43:07,672 Nothing! 636 00:43:07,715 --> 00:43:14,287 ♪ 637 00:43:18,030 --> 00:43:19,901 Find anything? 638 00:43:19,945 --> 00:43:23,339 Well, a few dead friends. 639 00:43:23,383 --> 00:43:26,212 And a jar of old silver dollars. 640 00:43:26,255 --> 00:43:29,128 I'll buy you a pop if we survive. 641 00:43:29,171 --> 00:43:32,348 - [GEORGE] Hey, guys? - Hey, guys, found something. 642 00:43:32,392 --> 00:43:34,307 I'll pipe it to the floor monitors. 643 00:43:34,350 --> 00:43:42,350 ♪ 644 00:43:42,489 --> 00:43:44,970 What do you think, Camaro or hot tub? 645 00:43:45,013 --> 00:43:48,843 - Hot tub. - Yes! 646 00:43:48,887 --> 00:43:50,802 Look at these ink renderings. 647 00:43:50,845 --> 00:43:54,109 [ GEORGE] Hold on, hold on, I went too far. 648 00:43:54,153 --> 00:43:58,070 The power of the dead lay within these very pages. 649 00:43:58,113 --> 00:44:00,376 Listen to these wretched incantations. 650 00:44:00,420 --> 00:44:06,687 [speaking foreign language] 651 00:44:06,731 --> 00:44:09,037 Shut it off, George! 652 00:44:09,081 --> 00:44:12,693 - [GOODMAN] [unintelligible] - [NORM] Just shut it off now! 653 00:44:12,737 --> 00:44:16,088 - What's wrong? - He said powers of the dead 654 00:44:16,131 --> 00:44:17,959 lay within the pages of the book. 655 00:44:18,003 --> 00:44:19,613 Listening to wretched incantations 656 00:44:19,657 --> 00:44:22,094 is not gonna improve our situation here! 657 00:44:22,137 --> 00:44:23,573 Book started all of this. 658 00:44:23,617 --> 00:44:25,551 Maybe there's a spell or whatever that can stop it? 659 00:44:25,575 --> 00:44:28,709 Well, that stands to reason, if we can find it. 660 00:44:28,753 --> 00:44:31,712 It's gotta be around here somewhere, but where? 661 00:44:31,756 --> 00:44:33,714 [creaking] 662 00:44:33,758 --> 00:44:38,023 [roaring] 663 00:44:38,066 --> 00:44:40,721 Pledge to the book! 664 00:44:40,765 --> 00:44:42,375 That answers that question. 665 00:44:42,418 --> 00:44:44,551 [snarling] 666 00:44:44,594 --> 00:44:47,075 ♪ 667 00:44:47,119 --> 00:44:52,211 Shit! Think, George, think! 668 00:44:52,254 --> 00:44:54,735 [Goodman snarling] 669 00:44:54,779 --> 00:44:56,476 [shrill feedback] 670 00:44:56,519 --> 00:45:01,307 [Goodman screaming] 671 00:45:03,570 --> 00:45:06,878 You will die! 672 00:45:06,921 --> 00:45:10,533 All will be as to the book 673 00:45:10,577 --> 00:45:13,232 and die! 674 00:45:13,275 --> 00:45:14,450 [snarling] 675 00:45:16,975 --> 00:45:21,501 - The book! - George! George! 676 00:45:21,544 --> 00:45:24,939 - Oh, quick thinking, George! - [ GEORGE] There. 677 00:45:24,983 --> 00:45:27,768 - He took the Necronomicon. - The what-icon? 678 00:45:27,812 --> 00:45:29,639 [ CLAUDIA] The creepy old book. 679 00:45:37,212 --> 00:45:38,779 [ MAN] And be sure to stick around for 680 00:45:38,823 --> 00:45:40,389 a very special live episode of. 681 00:45:40,433 --> 00:45:42,435 "Mrs. Bookberry's Magical Library," 682 00:45:42,478 --> 00:45:46,134 coming up next only on WQPS Channel 13. 683 00:45:46,178 --> 00:45:48,702 That video feed is from the Chicago affiliate. 684 00:45:48,746 --> 00:45:50,748 They switch over to "Bookberry" at 6 o'clock. 685 00:45:50,791 --> 00:45:55,274 - ♪ - That's, like... now. 686 00:45:55,317 --> 00:45:58,451 [ MRS. BOOKBERRY] Welcome to my library, children. 687 00:45:58,494 --> 00:46:02,107 Henrietta and I have a very special book 688 00:46:02,150 --> 00:46:05,284 to read to you tonight. 689 00:46:05,327 --> 00:46:09,679 And you fuckers are gonna love it! 690 00:46:09,723 --> 00:46:11,246 I'm so fired. 691 00:46:11,290 --> 00:46:14,597 If she reads that on live television... 692 00:46:14,641 --> 00:46:15,641 She won't. 693 00:46:22,083 --> 00:46:24,346 - [MRS. BOOKBERRY] - Listen, my children, 694 00:46:24,390 --> 00:46:28,742 and pledge your souls to the book. 695 00:46:28,786 --> 00:46:34,095 [speaking foreign language] 696 00:46:38,534 --> 00:46:40,406 [glass shattering] 697 00:46:40,449 --> 00:46:42,930 - [quizzical grunting] - [monstrous hissing] 698 00:46:42,974 --> 00:46:48,240 Who dare interrupts the dark text? 699 00:46:48,283 --> 00:46:49,894 I'm responsible for the program quality 700 00:46:49,937 --> 00:46:52,766 of Channel 13, and this show 701 00:46:52,810 --> 00:46:55,029 does not meet WQPS standards. 702 00:46:55,073 --> 00:46:57,249 [MRS. BOOKBERRY] And what are you gonna do about it? 703 00:47:00,208 --> 00:47:02,428 [chimes ringing] 704 00:47:02,471 --> 00:47:04,822 We're gonna beat the devil outta you. 705 00:47:04,865 --> 00:47:05,866 ♪ 706 00:47:05,910 --> 00:47:06,911 [quizzical grunt] 707 00:47:06,954 --> 00:47:13,874 ♪ 708 00:47:13,918 --> 00:47:20,098 [all grunting] 709 00:47:20,141 --> 00:47:21,621 [Norm chuckling] 710 00:47:21,664 --> 00:47:27,583 ♪ 711 00:47:36,288 --> 00:47:37,985 Groovy. 712 00:47:40,161 --> 00:47:41,554 Claudia, get the book! 713 00:47:41,597 --> 00:47:47,560 ♪ 714 00:47:49,997 --> 00:47:52,565 Uh, Ted? Are you okay? 715 00:47:55,742 --> 00:47:57,875 I think I'll get the Camaro. 716 00:47:57,918 --> 00:48:00,225 [roaring] 717 00:48:00,268 --> 00:48:02,531 [George grunting] 718 00:48:02,575 --> 00:48:05,578 - [GOODMAN] We want your soul! - [laughing] 719 00:48:05,621 --> 00:48:07,319 The children must hear the words! 720 00:48:07,362 --> 00:48:09,451 The book hungers for young souls! 721 00:48:09,495 --> 00:48:12,106 - Hell no! - I'm cutting your budget! 722 00:48:14,804 --> 00:48:17,329 - I'm cutting your budget! - [ WOMAN] Hey, kids! 723 00:48:17,372 --> 00:48:20,158 What are you watching in there? 724 00:48:20,201 --> 00:48:23,901 - Do your park! - Pledge to the book! 725 00:48:23,944 --> 00:48:29,907 [speaking foreign language] 726 00:48:29,950 --> 00:48:32,735 What's amazing find you are! 727 00:48:32,779 --> 00:48:37,479 Let's open you up and see what's inside you! 728 00:48:37,523 --> 00:48:38,959 [Henrietta laughing] 729 00:48:39,003 --> 00:48:40,743 [speaking foreign language] 730 00:48:40,787 --> 00:48:42,504 - Norm, get the goddamn puppet! - [Ted laughing] 731 00:48:42,528 --> 00:48:44,660 - No, let go of me! - Norm, get the puppet! 732 00:48:44,704 --> 00:48:47,620 Pledge to the book! 733 00:48:47,663 --> 00:48:50,275 - [Norm grunting] - [blows thudding] 734 00:48:50,318 --> 00:48:51,667 [bell ringing] 735 00:48:51,711 --> 00:48:55,628 - Pledge to the book! - Pledge to the book! 736 00:48:55,671 --> 00:48:57,301 - [Henrietta screaming] - NORM: I don't think so! 737 00:48:57,325 --> 00:49:01,242 - Not today! - [gasping] 738 00:49:01,286 --> 00:49:03,331 No! 739 00:49:03,375 --> 00:49:04,245 - [Ted growling] - [Claudia grunting] 740 00:49:04,289 --> 00:49:06,030 [growling] 741 00:49:06,073 --> 00:49:08,206 [CLAUDIA] The book, Norm, the book! 742 00:49:08,249 --> 00:49:09,947 Norm, you've gotta lock the book! 743 00:49:12,732 --> 00:49:14,952 [Mrs. Bookberry shrieking] 744 00:49:14,995 --> 00:49:19,391 ♪ 745 00:49:35,711 --> 00:49:39,411 [heavy breathing] 746 00:49:52,380 --> 00:49:54,382 [NORM] We'll go back in with our fan brush 747 00:49:54,426 --> 00:49:58,169 and tap away at the sap green, 748 00:49:58,212 --> 00:50:01,346 and then give our happy little trees some friends. 749 00:50:01,389 --> 00:50:04,131 Just a nice little community of trees. 750 00:50:04,175 --> 00:50:05,500 Just got off the phone with Chicago. 751 00:50:05,524 --> 00:50:06,873 Mm-hmm. 752 00:50:06,916 --> 00:50:09,658 They want "Love of Painting" to go national. 753 00:50:09,702 --> 00:50:11,834 You're kidding? 754 00:50:11,878 --> 00:50:15,621 Mrs. Bookberry was decapitated on live TV. 755 00:50:15,664 --> 00:50:17,666 Everyone thinks it was a publicity stunt. 756 00:50:17,710 --> 00:50:20,234 They don't care. We got lucky. 757 00:50:20,278 --> 00:50:22,062 "Maybe it is karma." 758 00:50:22,106 --> 00:50:24,673 [both laughing] 759 00:50:24,717 --> 00:50:26,414 Shut up. 760 00:50:26,458 --> 00:50:32,072 - Trees are like people. - Thank you, friends. 761 00:50:32,116 --> 00:50:34,770 Hope you all make some good friends today. 762 00:50:34,814 --> 00:50:39,558 From all of us here, happy painting, and God bless. 763 00:50:39,601 --> 00:50:42,735 [WOMAN] Kanda estrata... 764 00:50:42,778 --> 00:50:50,134 ♪ 765 00:50:53,224 --> 00:50:55,530 [demon giggling] 766 00:50:55,574 --> 00:50:57,010 [Creep laughing] 767 00:50:57,054 --> 00:50:59,969 ♪ 768 00:51:00,013 --> 00:51:02,929 [Creep laughing] 769 00:51:02,972 --> 00:51:05,192 [thunder cracking] 770 00:51:05,236 --> 00:51:11,068 ♪ 771 00:51:17,161 --> 00:51:22,644 ♪ 772 00:51:34,830 --> 00:51:41,010 ♪ 773 00:51:54,285 --> 00:51:58,115 ♪